For Street’s last issue of the semester, we were all like, joke’s on you! It’s all about the 40th and Walnut McDonald’s! Mickey D’s! The Golden Arches! America’s Meatheart! Old McDonald had a farm, but that’s not where the Big Mac comes from… PINK SLIME TIME! (Nickelodeon, take note).
This week, we did it all before finals or calories could catch up with us. A courageous reporter even attempted the 50 nuggets in 30 minutes challenge. What’s the over-under on how many he ate before vomming? Find out here. And sadly, some poor soul had to clean up that puke. Ego talked to McDonald’s very own manager for the exclusive inside scoop, er, soft-serve swirl?
And forget Burger King or Wendy’s. Taco Bell is the true rival of McDonald’s, and we analyzed the existential differences between the entertainment playing while you devour those Doritos Locos Tacos versus while you chomp on that McRib. But don’t for a hot (or lukewarm) second think that McDonald’s is the easiest of fast food. We hear that McDonald’s has admission rates lower than dear old Pennsylvania herself. You’d think they could at the very least offer a soda fountain with free refills to offset the outrageous cost of tuition.
If you ever find yourself wishing you were just a fly on the art on the wall of McDonald’s, look no further than this week’s Contrapposto. Or maybe that’s not sceney enough for you? Well, while you were busy posting Kelvin-filtered art$y pics of your last meal at Vetri, our photog compiled an insta essay like no other.
P.S. Be my date to formal? I really really don’t want to get set up with the Hamburglar.
P.P.S. No matter what, we’re loving it. It was nice posting for you all. We’ll miss it greatly. <3z forever (::::
Caught in the act of a duckface selfie, and your life can’t sink any lower. Talk to your doctor about how Street could be right for you. This week Highbrow checks out Penn goodies for sale on eBay, and you can bet that we’re just waiting for someone to auction off Amy G’s used kleenexes. We have a hunch they’d go for more than our degrees are worth. We also investigated how Penn degrees can help you in the arts.
Senior Superlatives are among us, and it’s time to single out Penn’s hottest, most scandalous, and most legendary (namely, the biggest sword award). So here’s another chance to shine bright like a diamond, and to avenge that senior society you were cut from (sweetie it’s not you, it’s them!).
With honors like Most Likely to Spend Post-Grad Nights Writing on CollegiateACB and Most Likely to Make A Million Dollars with their First Start-Up, there is truly an award for every
Wharton student at Penn.
Click this link to cast your vote, and hope that, for your sake, this doesn’t end like your high school version did…
Yo, yo, yo, Street is in da house, coming to you live from 4015 ‘nut. And this week we’ve got everything: red velvet pot cupcakes, hippity-hoppin’ #tbt party jamz and even some hybrid snuggie-slapchop-magicbullet-shamwows.
Welcome to Penn, Class of 2017. We’re sure you’re the best and brightest Penn has ever seen—but maybe your Facebook group begs to differ? We don’t. No matter who you are or where you’re from, chances are you’ll find yourself in one of Penn’s
food recycling fine dining establishments—if you’re not into the 20 hummus options of the day, check our hacks for DIY dining hall delights.
We also hope you had a good summer. We missed you a lot. So much so that we wanna blur your lines. Or do we wanna get lucky? Not sure. Maybe we should ask someone who worked with the Fairly Oddparents. Wait, is that a show or characters? Nevermind.
Did you have a good weekend? We did. We don’t really remember though, ’cause we made it in America. MIA at MIA? Check out these upcoming fall festivals (that don’t include Beyonce’s thighs).
To those of you returning from abroad, maybe you want to make some resolutions for the semester. Or not. Still, most of us weren’t here over the summer, so let Street give you a quick once–over of what’s new at Penn. WaWa is the bomb.
Shoutout season is upon us, so inhale the sweet, sweet smell of revenge. Lowbrow airs your grievances and tells you exactly who shit the bed, literally and figuratively. But never fear, the rest of the issue has so much more than ads you can use to wipe your tears.
Whether you’re a nostalgic senior or a lowly freshman, Highbrow gives you the chance to score a highly coveted Round Up Superlative. Hey, at least they don’t use your yearbook picture! If that’s not enough to get you in the mood for a vacation, Ego helps you choose your own summer adventure (spoiler: that’s not code for a Goldman internship), Music goes cross country to scope out the best festivals, and Food and Drink pick out the best chilly snacks around Philly that are sure to keep you cool. If you’d rather beat the heat inside an air–conditioned theatre, well that just sucks. Film explains why. And in honor of Throwback Thursday (if you’re into that, no judgement) Art goes back in time to the best of Penn poets past. Finally, this week’s feature tackles abstinence (or lackthereof) by choice (or lackthereof) at Penn. Oh, and robots are taking over the world in the international Robocup. Let the games begin…
With Ever–loving, Maraschino–sweet, unpopped love,
Fling 2013: You’re thinking about it, your friends talk nonstop about it, and your liver is performing its last rites. We know you’re all asking yourselves the profound questions “What was Fling 40 years ago?”, “Where will Fling be in 40 years?” and “Back in the day did they ride real bulls?” This week’s feature explores Fling’s past, present and future. Unenthused by the fling shirt you ordered? Check out Arts’ DIY Fling Tank guide for ways to take your tank from boring to bitchin’.
Are the weather forecast, post-fling school assignments and artist selection getting you down? Enter the world of fling fantasy with Ego’s Top 10 fling dreams. You won’t complain about hunger, though, because Food and Drink’s got you covered with the most convenient places to satisfy your drunchies anywhere on campus. Still feel like whining about Girl Talk? Lowbrow’s with you, so they’ve devised a list of things better than this year’s concert.
Spring is finally here, but hopefully that’s not the only thing that the only thing that’ll cum this Fling. If you’re nervous that what’s coming has slightly more experience than you, Miss Cassandra is here to soothe your anxiety. Disappointed with your pelvic affiliate? Check out Autre Ne Vut, Gigamesh, and Mask and Wig–their vibes range from sultry to crazy to funny, attracting diverse audiences and maybe a new love interest?
Tired of hearing about nothing but Fling? Enjoy some comic relief reading the drunk, high, sober commentaries on “The Croods.” Bonus points if you see the movie yourself (hopefully you’re still rolling).
LISTEN UP. This week, Street’s got the best, worst, and rest of Penn. And yeah, Banana Leaf is still the best BYO to get rowdy at. Go. Get swasty/gangly. Repeat.
Aside from cultural critiques, check out Highbrow’s craiglist: Penn Edition in order to hang out and study naked. If you want a hot toddy with that or learn about Take Back the Night, Ego of the Week Pallavi Podapati will fufill your needs.
Music presents a variety of album reviews, including Tyler (not Tyga) the Creator. But seriously, can Penn muster up 1,200 signatures against him in 24 hours like Harvard? If not, remember he’ll be off the stage before you even roll into the concert.
Speak of rolling (with the big dogs), Film chats with freshman Julie Adam about her short animated film “Miniature,” which won the Penn Film Festival. Dude, she’s only a freshman. How sick is that?
Do memories of 1920 Commons re-emerge? Cause Food & Drink’s Best I Ever Ate complements the blah of Commons. Arts makes up for that with Philly’s Top 3 Artsy Bars. Graffiti is involved, just not Castle. And just when you thought you’ve heard enough of the best and worst, Lowbrow offers you the rest of Penn. Seriously, where is the best place to contract an STD on campus? Lastly, Backpage gets all nostalgic with its Seniors by the Numbers, since, you know, there’s less than three weeks of class left and Veep Biden will be arriving soon.
As Rebecca Stein once said, there is no such thing as a free lunch—just as there is no such thing as a truly waived tuition. However, from what we hear from the most secretive of sources, certain events organically originate as orgies, while others are forcibly filmed for the furious art–fucks of Filmadelphia.
In other news, some of our sections decided to stray Off the Beat(en) path and took a hike towards a healthier, fitter life. We can’t guarantee the advice is too great though. Still, if you’re just looking for a walk, stroll down the flavorlicious Fishtown in Street’s newly reinvented Flavorhoods, ’cause it’s always a beautiful day to be a neighbor (won’t you be ours?) Tired of old jingles like that? Then get a jump on campus’ shittiest music, from Saxby’s to Saigon and beyond. Tired off all the shittiness? Then get some culture at PIFA. It’s pifftastic.