Ah, Penn: if there’s one axiom we live by, it’s work hard, play
harder. And as this recent article about Ivy League cocktails proves, we certainly get inebriated in a cla$$y way. “The Pennsylvanian” features Calvados brandy, Madeira wine, an egg white (best be careful of the calories), and a lemon twist. Branded as the “Colonia-era frat shooter,” we’re not sure that Ben Franklin would be too happy to learn what constitutes such a drink today.
What is our version of “The Pennsylvanian,” you ask? It would taste a little something like this:
- 2 1/4 oz. subtle elitism
- 1 1/2 oz. unrequited love for the timeless Amy Gutmann
- 1 dash eternal Quaker pride
- Garnish: a slice of Allegro’s
Cheers! Now get mixing folks!
As a welcome back surprise, the Fine Wine & Good Spirits located on 19th and Chestnut has been replaced by a sophisticated new branch on 20th and Market. The new shop is conveniently placed next to the grocery haven of Trader Joe’s, and is still far enough from campus to allow you to consider your alcohol run a workout. Warning to all of you baby-faced 27 year olds, the new locale takes itself quite seriously.
Finals are just about over and you know what that means! Freshmen everywhere are rolling those giant cardboard carts out of the Quad (tear) and back to the suburbs. Looks like a couple of them realized that Mom and Dad wouldn’t exactly appreciate finding these bottles stuck between the shower flops and Target sheets and ditched the Svedka on the Hamilton side of the Lower Quad Gate. Side note: who had the Jack? Why aren’t we friends?
In case you missed it in the DP, the Bureau of Liquor Control Enforcement of Philadelphia is coming to Fling (and not as a Quad performer). They make an appearance every year, but this time they’re going undercover.
They’ve already started their work by meeting with residents of some off-campus houses that have been marked “problem houses” to remind them of the stakes.
We’re not telling you not to day drink, but maybe just do it in the streets. And if you’re the host of an off-campus rager, remember the LCE can’t necessarily climb in your window to snatch your people up, but they can always walk in an open door.
In the aftermath of the recent failed ID compliance check at Blarney, the bar is under investigation. Underage bar-hoppers might want to hit the frats up for a little while. Get the full story from the DP here
People drink in college, and sometimes they do it irresponsibly. For this reason, Penn will be convening a commission to examine its policies on student alcohol use. The Penn Commission on Student Safety, Alcohol and Campus Life will be the first significant re-evaluation of these policies since 1999, and aims to update that policy to the “Penn students of today.”
Sure, our nineties forebears may have been wearing crazier prints, but how much has collegiate drinking really changed since 1999? Heck, our parents even raged pretty hard back in the 1920s! Snapchat, dubstep and designer drugs seem to pose a more modern threat than good ‘ol beer. But we look forward to commission’s findings, due at the end of the calendar year. If they come up with anything ground-breaking, the first drink is on us!
Few of us are praying that finals continue forever. The impending end of the semester cannot come soon enough for most of the student body, which unanimously agreed it is “totes miserable” and is only surviving on junk food and hourly kvetch sessions.
But if you take advantage of the silver linings to still being here, you may want to miss your flight home on the 20th (you must be, like, the only person at this school with an exam on the last day). Okay, you may still want to fast-forward to spending the days couch potato-ing with your dog(s), but you are #blessed! Philly is your oyster! If you were home now, you wouldn’t be able to:
- Turn your sadness into happy hour. Treat yoself to dranks at any of University City’s daily happy hours to turn that frown upside down! Then stumble into Van Pelt and write a paper tipsy, you tortured artist, you.
- Ignore parental nags. When you’re under the same roof as momma, tensions are going to rise if you don’t X, Y and Z right now. At dear old Penn, you just get occasional texts reminding you to go outside and eat greens. Read the rest of this entry »
Are you a drummer? Do you like alcohol? Are you walking your dog right now? Did you vote today?* If so, look no further than these flyers posted all over Baltimore — that is, if you’re under 40 (or at least look like it). Preston Hull has channeled its inner J-14 Magazine and published this complex flowchart for anyone interested in joining their band. It may not help you find out if that hottie from Econ is into you (looking at you, kid in front row with striking blue eyes and kippah), but at least you’ll see if you have what it takes to ROCK.
*not actually listed as a requirement in the flowchart but like, duh
Good news, everyone! The goddesses have finally decided to respond to our demands for a campus liquor store after the closing of the 41st and Market booze vendor. As West Philly Local reports, applications for the heavily contested space (currently an adult video store) were rejected by the Zoning Board in April, but a recent vote of 3-1 has overturned that decision. Politics!
Like a lonely, frustrated caterpillar morphing into a wino butterfly, the space may start the turnover process as early as August, although there’s no official renovation timeline yet. The liquor store is also slated to be part of the “Premium Collection” of the Wine and Spirits chain, which means that there’ll be mini-bottles of Patrón at the cashier and more than two varieties (flavors? colors? sunset blushes?) of Franzia for sale. Cheers to that!
Hey, remember when that bloggy mommy whose daughter is a Penn grad student did that shocking exposé on how Penn is awful at tailgating? Ring any bells? Well Sandy Hingston is back and well on her way to establishing herself as the most out of touch Penn parent in all the interwebs. In the May issue of Philly Magazine, Hingston goes on an extended romp of crazy in her wannabe tell-all “The University of Pennsylvania Has a Drinking Problem.”
Yes, it’s just as ridiculous as it sounds. Sandy, you’re embarrassing yourself again.