FeaturesJuly 16, 2014 at 2:30 pm

People Who Went To Penn: Mr. Piper Chapman a.k.a. Larry Smith

Not joke day, people. On Wednesdays, we wear orange, and UTB has a PSA: the real-life Larry from “Orange Is The New Black” went to Penn!

As ashamed as we are that we only now made this connection, it’s an honor to hold Piper’s hubby amongst our alumni. The felon-turned-author Piper Kerman, who consults for the flawless 12-time-Emmy-nominated (!) Netflix series based on her memoir, is IRL still married to Larry. And unlike his Bloom counterpart on “OITNB,” Smith is an accomplished journalist and is founder and editor of the online SMITH Magazine.

Smith also created the “Six Word Memoirs” project. His wife’s Twitter bio is hers: “In and out of hot water.” That’s for sure, dandelion.

Piper may have been starved out, felt up, teased, stalked, threatened and called Taylor Swift, but now we know she’s a Quaker’s (non-prison) wife!

NewsMay 6, 2014 at 4:37 pm

Penn Alum Dates Snapchat Boyfriend; Penn Girls Pissed They Didn’t Think Of It First

Forget what anyone tells you: love is real and for this Penn alum, it’s with a Snapchat doodle. Molly Mitchell, C’11, has stunned the world by introducing everyone to her brand new boyfriend, a handsome yellow-colored fellow with blonde hair and blue eyes. He’s a total dreamboat—he massages her feet, “loves surprising me 4 no reason!!” and is “lyk literally so tall &thoughtful”. The couple looks happy together, although Molly’s parents are a little concerned.

For every Single McSingleton out there, take note. Liking your crush’s Instagram to no avail? Tried Tinder? Are literally all your friends forwarding you their Grouper invites because they already found love and you just “need to get out and meet someone!”? Don’t sweat it, just use technology to your advantage and make your own special friend. The future is now.

FeaturesApril 19, 2014 at 4:42 pm

People Who Went To Penn: Nicholas Biddle

This week’s People Who Went To Penn is a l’il bit obscure and a whole lot of fun. Nicholas Biddle was a banker and diplomat in the early 19th century whose father was BFFs with Ben Franklin since the Revolution. As a financier with Penn connections from Daddy, he was basically your typical Quaker.

Even so, Biddle went pretty hard with the overachiever thing as he enrolled at Penn at age TEN. Because who doesn’t want a B.A. for their first double digits birthday? When Biddle became a SWUG at the ripe age of 14, though, the university denied him a degree because he was so young. Biddle basically said “forget you” to Penn and peaced out to Princeton (Ed. Note: Way to kick us when we’re down), where he graduated as his class valedictorian at 15. Read the rest of this entry »

NewsNovember 25, 2013 at 1:30 pm

ZBT Presents: Hedge-Fund Bros And SEC Auditor Woes

cartoon hedge fundsEver heard of this guy? No special reason– his hedge-fund SAC Capital just plead guilty to insider trading and is about to pay the largest settlement of its kind in history. Before he became the 35th richest man in the U.S. and a serious contender for the Whartoniest Whartonite in the history of Whartonites, though, Steve was downing Bankers and heading to Shabbat with our very own ZBT because of course he was. Read the rest of this entry »

NewsJuly 16, 2013 at 2:21 pm

Who Run The World? (Penn) Girls

Sarah DownsThose eagerly awaiting Queen Bey’s performance at this year’s Made In America Festival may find themselves wondering: who run the world? The answer is girls– Penn girls to be exact (no matter what the Times insinuates)

Following the post-grad Penn tradition of making the rest of us look really bad, 2012 Penn grad and ZTA alumna Sarah Downs was just crowned Miss Idaho. She’ll be competing at the this year’s Miss America pageant, not to be confused with Miss United States. Or Miss USA. You can watch her first public appearance here. Do us proud, Sarah!

FeaturesMarch 26, 2013 at 10:15 am

People Who Went To Penn: William S. Paley

Do you enjoy watching NCIS, How I Met Your Mother, or 60 Minutes? These shows all owe their existence to William S. Paley, the founder of CBS.

This ’22 Wharton grad transformed a small collection of unsuccessful radio stations into one of the most powerful radio and television networks in America. Looks like he learned something in MGMT100.  Paley built up the entertainment and news divisions of CBS using his uncanny ability to predict the popularity of various programs and his recognition of the importance of advertising.

In addition to changing the face of broadcasting, Paley was listed as one of Cosmopolitan‘s top ten most eligible bachelors at the age of 84. Not bad for an octogenarian.

NewsMarch 18, 2013 at 12:55 pm

Put a Ring On It – Quad Edition

photo-8This weekend, Penn alums Daniella Rohr ’10 and Sam Adelsberg ’10 made their love offish with an adorable Quad engagement that made all single girls run to buy tubs of I-hate-my-life ice cream. Adelsberg allegedly proposed in Rohr’s freshman year dorm room, a memento for the couple because they met six years ago during their first year at Penn. He brought her to an open window overlooking the lawn boasting those precious two words: Marry Me?

Based on the ensuing Facebook frenzy and many  Mazel Tovs on Rohr’s wall, we think she said yes. While for most of us, the Quad will always mean drunk one-night-stands, failed date party binge eating and hallcest, these lucky two will always remember the start of their long-term romance. Congratulations!

FeaturesFebruary 18, 2013 at 2:12 pm

People Who Went To Penn: Mark Pincus

Markpincus2Every so often there comes along a man who makes a real impact on the world, and we are lucky enough to count this one, Mark Pincus. After graduation from Wharton in ’88, Pincus began a career on in venture capital and finance (obviously) before deciding to screw it all and start a company of his own, and thank god he did.

That company, Zynga, brought us such inspiring fleeting fads classics as Words with Friends, Draw Something, FarmVille, as well as whole host of games you are too embarrassed to invite friends to on Facebook (Mafia Wars anyone?). However, he somehow managed, through the selling of virtual goods in his games to people who care just a little too much, to raise $15 million dollars for non-profits around the world.

Married with two kids, Mark currently resides in San Fransisco and continues to think up even more games with “Ville” at the end (CityVille, ChefVille, CastleVille, FarmVille 2). Where would our generation be without a Facebook version of Scrabble, Pictionary, and agricultural labor? Thanks to Mark we don’t have to find out.

NewsFebruary 13, 2013 at 10:24 am

Alumni Deaths: Latest on Matthew White’s Porn-Fueled Murder

whiteIf you haven’t heard already, 1979 Penn alum Matthew White was tragically stabbed to death by his wife on Monday. The 6’11” White played on the Quakers’ Final Four men’s basketball team, because that was a thing that occurred.

Our friends at the DP have reported new details on the shocking act of violence, including that White was asleep when he was fatally stabbed in the neck by Maria Rey Garcia-Pellon, and that the homicide was not quick and painless. The horrific story has already been picked up by outlets like The Daily Mail and The Huffington Post.

The kicker: his murderous spouse’s explanation is that White was looking at child pornography (unverified) and claimed she “had to do it” because she loves kids. We don’t think that one’s going to hold up in court.

In other news, one of the featured obituaries in this past Sunday’s New York Times was that of Penn alum James DePriest, a legendary orchestral conductor. DePriest, who died on Friday at 76 (of natural causes) Read the rest of this entry »

NewsFebruary 7, 2013 at 3:56 pm

Two Teams, One Game

BrooklynNets

The Nets would like to invite “UPenn Alumni” (get hip and drop the “U,” Brooklyn) to their game against the Sixers! And also Wharton alumni, because the two groups are totally different. The event will include a networking component and several UPenn Alumni speakers (because apparently all of the awesome Wharton alumni speakers were too busy to attend). So get your tickets now, UPenn Alumni! You don’t want to miss getting to meet up with people from that one-building school next to yours!