NewsNovember 25, 2013 at 1:30 pm

ZBT Presents: Hedge-Fund Bros And SEC Auditor Woes

cartoon hedge fundsEver heard of this guy? No special reason– his hedge-fund SAC Capital just plead guilty to insider trading and is about to pay the largest settlement of its kind in history. Before he became the 35th richest man in the U.S. and a serious contender for the Whartoniest Whartonite in the history of Whartonites, though, Steve was downing Bankers and heading to Shabbat with our very own ZBT because of course he was. Read the rest of this entry »

NewsJuly 16, 2013 at 2:21 pm

Who Run The World? (Penn) Girls

Sarah DownsThose eagerly awaiting Queen Bey’s performance at this year’s Made In America Festival may find themselves wondering: who run the world? The answer is girls– Penn girls to be exact (no matter what the Times insinuates)

Following the post-grad Penn tradition of making the rest of us look really bad, 2012 Penn grad and ZTA alumna Sarah Downs was just crowned Miss Idaho. She’ll be competing at the this year’s Miss America pageant, not to be confused with Miss United States. Or Miss USA. You can watch her first public appearance here. Do us proud, Sarah!

FeaturesMarch 26, 2013 at 10:15 am

People Who Went To Penn: William S. Paley

Do you enjoy watching NCIS, How I Met Your Mother, or 60 Minutes? These shows all owe their existence to William S. Paley, the founder of CBS.

This ’22 Wharton grad transformed a small collection of unsuccessful radio stations into one of the most powerful radio and television networks in America. Looks like he learned something in MGMT100.  Paley built up the entertainment and news divisions of CBS using his uncanny ability to predict the popularity of various programs and his recognition of the importance of advertising.

In addition to changing the face of broadcasting, Paley was listed as one of Cosmopolitan‘s top ten most eligible bachelors at the age of 84. Not bad for an octogenarian.

NewsMarch 18, 2013 at 12:55 pm

Put a Ring On It – Quad Edition

photo-8This weekend, Penn alums Daniella Rohr ’10 and Sam Adelsberg ’10 made their love offish with an adorable Quad engagement that made all single girls run to buy tubs of I-hate-my-life ice cream. Adelsberg allegedly proposed in Rohr’s freshman year dorm room, a memento for the couple because they met six years ago during their first year at Penn. He brought her to an open window overlooking the lawn boasting those precious two words: Marry Me?

Based on the ensuing Facebook frenzy and many  Mazel Tovs on Rohr’s wall, we think she said yes. While for most of us, the Quad will always mean drunk one-night-stands, failed date party binge eating and hallcest, these lucky two will always remember the start of their long-term romance. Congratulations!

FeaturesFebruary 18, 2013 at 2:12 pm

People Who Went To Penn: Mark Pincus

Markpincus2Every so often there comes along a man who makes a real impact on the world, and we are lucky enough to count this one, Mark Pincus. After graduation from Wharton in ’88, Pincus began a career on in venture capital and finance (obviously) before deciding to screw it all and start a company of his own, and thank god he did.

That company, Zynga, brought us such inspiring fleeting fads classics as Words with Friends, Draw Something, FarmVille, as well as whole host of games you are too embarrassed to invite friends to on Facebook (Mafia Wars anyone?). However, he somehow managed, through the selling of virtual goods in his games to people who care just a little too much, to raise $15 million dollars for non-profits around the world.

Married with two kids, Mark currently resides in San Fransisco and continues to think up even more games with “Ville” at the end (CityVille, ChefVille, CastleVille, FarmVille 2). Where would our generation be without a Facebook version of Scrabble, Pictionary, and agricultural labor? Thanks to Mark we don’t have to find out.

NewsFebruary 13, 2013 at 10:24 am

Alumni Deaths: Latest on Matthew White’s Porn-Fueled Murder

whiteIf you haven’t heard already, 1979 Penn alum Matthew White was tragically stabbed to death by his wife on Monday. The 6’11” White played on the Quakers’ Final Four men’s basketball team, because that was a thing that occurred.

Our friends at the DP have reported new details on the shocking act of violence, including that White was asleep when he was fatally stabbed in the neck by Maria Rey Garcia-Pellon, and that the homicide was not quick and painless. The horrific story has already been picked up by outlets like The Daily Mail and The Huffington Post.

The kicker: his murderous spouse’s explanation is that White was looking at child pornography (unverified) and claimed she “had to do it” because she loves kids. We don’t think that one’s going to hold up in court.

In other news, one of the featured obituaries in this past Sunday’s New York Times was that of Penn alum James DePriest, a legendary orchestral conductor. DePriest, who died on Friday at 76 (of natural causes) Read the rest of this entry »

NewsFebruary 7, 2013 at 3:56 pm

Two Teams, One Game


The Nets would like to invite “UPenn Alumni” (get hip and drop the “U,” Brooklyn) to their game against the Sixers! And also Wharton alumni, because the two groups are totally different. The event will include a networking component and several UPenn Alumni speakers (because apparently all of the awesome Wharton alumni speakers were too busy to attend). So get your tickets now, UPenn Alumni! You don’t want to miss getting to meet up with people from that one-building school next to yours!

NewsJanuary 23, 2013 at 6:02 pm

(Another) Penn Grad Makes Us Wonder What We’re Doing With Our Lives

Linked InAsk any self-respecting Penn student for their worst fear and they’ll all have the same reply: potential employers seeing their unedited Facebook profile. One look at your tagged photo from last weekend and you’ll never get a job. Luckily, Wharton grad Jeff Weiner is at the helm of a little website that allows you to separate your perfect GPA from the fact that you attended an event that toed the punny-pornographic line.

In all seriousness, Linkedin is a place “for serious business people to do serious business.”

Before rising to CEO of one of Silicon Valley’s most profitable websites, Weiner lived the life doing M&A, but he now runs LinkedIn, which is currently valued at over $1 billion. Weiner is still not satisfied. In his words, “We want to be everywhere the general professional is. We would like to be ubiquitous.” If ubiquity can be measured by the number of spam emails Linkedin sends every day, mission accomplished. Just saying.

FeaturesDecember 6, 2012 at 10:14 am

People Who Went To Penn: Daniel Craig

[Disclaimer: This post was part of our Joke Day series. Didn't the font tip you off?] Before he was appearing on the big screen as Agent 007, Britain’s most notorious spy, the only identifying three digits in Daniel Craig’s life were preceded by a SAS subject code.

The C’90 graduate, born and raised in Engelwood, NJ, remained Undecided through his junior year at Penn, debating his exact interests and often settling on Econ because “it seemed like just the thing to do if you were a confused College kid.” Inevitably, all the exposure to international students soon took a toll on Craig’s accent.

Craig did eventually graduate, albeit with a certificate that had his two names printed backwards (honest mistake), and realizing that his true passion was not Econ but rather “rocking the hell out of a tux,” he became the head waiter at an upscale restaurant in Center City where he was luckily discovered by a Hollywood talent scout.

FeaturesJanuary 25, 2012 at 5:58 pm

People Who Went To Penn: Jack Thayer

Jack Thayer was born in 1894 right in this here City of Brotherly Love. He graduated from Penn, went into banking (you don’t say!), and returned to serve as Penn’s financial vice president. That’s all fine and dandy. Now let’s pretend Penn’s undergrad application had the Page 217 prompt back in the early 1900s. Jack’s essay may have started something like this: “I still remember how crisp the air was on April 10, 1912 when I stepped on to the RMS Titanic.”

Jack boarded the fateful vessel with his mother and father when he was 17 years old. Following the ship’s fatal collision, Jack was denied access to the lifeboats reserved for women and children. He jumped ship as the Titanic sunk faster, managing to stay afloat on a collapsable lifeboat overnight until he was rescued and brought to safety aboard the Carpathia. 

In 1940, Thayer self published a pamphlet vividly describing his experiences (probably not unlike Rose DeWitt Bukater‘s). The pamphlet purportedly aided oceanographer Robert Ballard in successfully finding the ship deep on the Atlantic floor. In sum, Jack is the reason the world was blessed with the greatest film of all time. Thanks, Jack!