High rises are big places, which is why we were shocked when one tipster forwarded us this email, written by someone with an impressive ability to beat around the bush (no pun intended, but ew), that asks everyone in the building to keep their noise level down while they’re, ya know, with company. Sorry to Harrison and Harnwell for all of the attention we’ve been giving to Rodin as of late, but at least your residents fornicate quietly. #AWKWARD.
The only thing worse than being crammed into a high rise elevator for three long minutes is enduring the painfully awkward silence nobody in history has figured out how to overcome. That’s why the friendly folks in Rodin have posted tips to help alleviate some of that unsavory tension. These are good starting points, but we suggest adding your own creative tweaks to really help break the ice. Here are some examples:
So throw caution to the wind and strike up some conversation. Don’t be shy; let’s get to know each other!
How annoying is it when you drag yourself out of bed to class and the professor isn’t there? You’re all like, what the hell is this guy doing, worst class ever, etc… and then you find out, via an email sent while you’re waiting in class, that the professor isn’t there because he died. And the department forgot to tell you.
That’s what happened in PSCI-291 last week. After the jump, read the awkward email explaining the “oversight” of not telling a class that the professor had passed away over the summer.
Brought to you by Penn libraries and the vast abyss that is Twitter. A quick Google search reveals the book is Negotiating Difference: Race, Gender and the Politics of Personality by former Penn prof Michael Awkward. He probably hates when people make jokes about— GUYS, WHAT IF HE HAD A TURTLE? IT WOULD BE AN AWKWARD TURTLE OMG.
The university’s newest Youtube gem is this “Penn’s Stepping Up” video, which features the Penny Loafers doing a cringe-worthy remix of Diana Ross’s masterpiece in order to publicize Penn’s “Making History” campaign. The overly-peppy song is reminiscent of a local car dealership commercial jingle, and it makes us feel really uncomfortable. Also, the video description says that the clip includes “…an all-star cast of Penn alumni, students, faculty and friends,” so why aren’t we featured?! Tear.
After a massive chalk campaign in the Quad, we had no choice but to check out Spotted on Locust. Besides vehemently disagreeing with its tagline, we think the website is just a really sketchy answer to every awkward student’s cry for a Penn-centric Craigslist “Missed Connections” section. But at least it’s not as obnoxiously whiny as that other Penn version of a popular site, PennFML. (P.S.: Hey, you – the hottie who’s always in Provost library: I see you eyeing me above your psych book. I’ll leave the seat next to me open next time.)
Bloomers alum and SNL-comedienne Vanessa Bayer showed up on our Youtube feed this morning as the featured débutante of Comcast’s “Dating on Demand” way back in 2007. While her username (sassy2) seems a bit misleading, it’s Vanessa’s comically awkward demeanor that’s making us uncomfortable. From sitting home alone on the couch on Saturday nights to being part of the “Saturday Night Live” cast, let’s hope this dashing gal has found her soulmate!
Anyone who has been out and about today has probably noticed people carrying around these mysterious purple boxes. They even led the bag check lady and Van Pelt to ask us, “What in the world are these and where can I get one?” For those of you who weren’t lucky enough to receive these “free samples”, don’t lose any sleep over it. The website that is distributing them, ReadyU, gave us what is basically a box of free, err…feminine hygiene products. We’re sure the homeless man carrying one down Walnut Street will be pleased.
If you don’t get it, we’re not going to tell you.
We can’t tell if we have second-hand embarrassment or if we actually find this video funny, especially because we don’t get half the jokes. Likes: the hair flowing in the fan-generated wind. Dislikes: the physical representation of what’s happening in these people’s pants. Leave some to the imagination, please.