Lucha Libre! Michael Gold On The Burrito Wars
Don your camouflage, ladies and gentleman. This campus is about to be hit by a conflict that will make the Penn-Princeton rivalry pale in comparison. We haven’t seen a feud this fierce since Serena’s unexpected return to the Upper East Side.
I’m speaking, of course, of the impending burrito wars. Now that the feeding frenzy that was Free Burrito Day at Chipotle is over, you can be sure that burrito-related middle-management employees everywhere are manning their battle stations and preparing for their next big offensive. After all, Qdoba had the long-standing burrito monopoly on this campus (except, of course, for rogue Mexicali devotees), and it’s certainly not going to a let a newcomer stomp all over it without a fight.
That being said, we here at UTB do not take our burritos lightly, so it’s only natural that we weigh on this whole situation. Thus, my reasons why Chipotle is going to run Qdoba into the ground.
Burrito enthusiasts, take note: as we were rolling back onto campus this evening, we whizzed by the newly opened Chipotle Mexican Grill in the Radian. Not only does Qdoba have some serious competition, but now the classic facebook group “Holy Shit the Closest Chipotle To Penn Is 69.28 Miles” is officially obsolete.