NewsSeptember 13, 2011 at 12:08 am

And Now, For The Rankings We Care About

In a weird five-way US News and World Report orgy, we’ve maintained our 5th-best national university spot but now share it with Cal Tech, Stanford, MIT and U Chicago. A big “screw you” to Columbia for continuing to squat in the fourth-place that should’ve been ours. Harvard, Yale, and Princeton remained safe in their little bubble of “great at rankings but bad at football,” and Duke is now tailgating us at #10. Discuss.

NewsAugust 29, 2011 at 2:49 pm

Your Back-To-School College Rankings

Among the 25 super quirky, unconventional, avant-garde lists posted on The Daily Beast, Penn managed to nab a spot on five, despite being an unimpressive, low-tier institution. If scrolling through 25 lists isn’t how you like to spend your Mondays, we’ve got your back. Here are the Penn highlights:

  • Penn ranked 18th in student activists on campus, or fostering a good environment for these activists, or both. We’re not sure. We’re pretty sure that Newsweek’s not sure either.
  • We’re the #10 Greenest college in the whole entire country! So no matter how much the environment’s kicked our asses this week, we just won’t stop being its clingy girlfriend.
  • Congratulations! You go to the 6th Horniest university. So stop whining about how supposedly ugly your classmates are. You apparently don’t care very much anyway.
  • Penn is #4 on the list of Future CEOs. Thanks for carrying us through another ranking, Wharton! Without your persistent efforts, we could’ve landed ourselves a spot on the Most Free-Spirited list. God forbid.
  • Penn’s the 3rd Computer Geekiest school in the nation.

And that’s the way the toast crumbles. Feel free to let us know what you think, especially since our existential struggle after the last set of rankings. (Lookin’ at you, Philosoraptor.)

LOL College Rankings-- Forbes posted their yearly college rankings again. Spoiler alert: Penn comes in at #36. Yawn. Are they forgetting that we feed them billionaires to write about on the daily?