After another weekend of partying, are you worried that you caught something — perhaps something sexually-transmitted? Today from 11:30 to 4 p.m., Penn Red Cross is putting on a bake sale with some naughty treats in order to promote STD awareness. Bodek Lounge in Houston will host a blood drive as part of National Public Health Week, but more importantly, you’ll be able to decorate your own “boob cupcakes,” “rice krispy balls” and other provocative goodies. Proceeds will benefit the nonprofit ActionAIDS. While you’re there, learn about prevention and treatment and and play some interactive games (“Fit the Condom on the Baseball Bat”…is that like Pin The Tail On the Donkey?) led by FLASH, the student sex-ed group. Thank you, FLASH, for momentarily making us feel like giggling middle schoolers again.
Vintage Penn sweatshirt: in 2001, they went hoodless
Join us on our stroll down Best of Penn memory lane. The early 2000’s were a simpler time, it seems: people that had them newfangled cell phones were considered “yuppie schmucks,” Penn students actually had sex and therefore needed to buy condoms at a long-forgotten Rite Aid, and Chili’s was bumpin’ on Monday nights. That last one’s due for a revival, no?
Best Cell Phone Reception: Your Ass, directly below your beer belly
Across the whole campus, the best place by far to get reception on your cell phone is up your ass. That’s right, all you yuppie schmucks, shove that cell phone faaaaar up your rectum, bend over and talk into it. You’ll hear a clearer conversation than when Daddy said your trust fund could purchase
the whole Smith Bros fall wardrobe. Also check out the button — it’s a great place to intercept
other people’s personal conversations.
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When my friend Emma rolled into class today with her skinny vanilla latte from the bookstore, her bright yellow coffee cozy caught my eye. Not only was it not cardboard-brown, but it had writing on it… about VD. That’s right. Courtesy of Merck, our Bursar-loving bookstore is providing caffeine-hungry coeds with HPV facts alongside their mochas. So what did we learn? That today 12,000 people in our age bracket got infected with HPV. Come on now, Gardasil and condoms, people!
CollegeOTR tipped us off to Trojan’s sexual health report card, a glorified survey on campus resources masquerading as some sort of racy report rather than what it is, a press release that they hope will get picked up on blogs like this one. Mission accomplished! Penn ranks 21, behind Columbia, Cornell and Brown, but ahead of Harvard and Yale. We’re not sure what the implications of this are–can we expect to get more severe STD’s when we hook up with Yalies? Will this harm Penn’s permanent sexual transcript?
View the full report here.
