This is a six-inch Prada creation. Look comfortable to you?
I’m known among friends for being particularly well-heeled–I have a penchant for the teetering, towering works of Christian Louboutin, Manolo Blahnik, Giuseppe Zanotti and many, many others. But my boys are testing me.
Manolo Blahnik, who has traditionally topped off his heel height at a (still respectable) five inches, decided to up the ante to six inches for Fall/Winter ‘08. With no platforms. For you male readers, allow me to clarify–platforms on the heels elevate their soles, thereby making them less painful. For a taste of the platform-free, stand on your toes until you’re at a forty-five degree angle, and then stay like that. All night. Sir Blahnik (Yes, he has been knighted. His shoes are that hot.) says that his six-inch creations have accounted for 30% of his sales this season. Pretty impressive, dude.
Now, I have long dealt with six-inch platform heels–a challenge I undertook after watching too much Sex and the City, most likely. But Louboutin has just announced that he plans to release EIGHT-INCH HEELS next fall. Not only would these babies make me nearly six feet tall, but I’m fairly certain they’re also going to make me fall flat on my fucking face. Is this how we’ve decided to cope with the failing economy? By abusing our feet? Masochism just isn’t my cup of tea.
Remember the part in Clueless when Cher and Dionne are washing the dye out of Tai’s hair and picking out new clothes for her and stuff? The makeover scene! This week, Street is fashion-themed (with nary an Ugg in sight, we’d like to note). Here’s what you have to look forward to:
The aforementioned fashion story is front and center, then we have UTB’s very own Carlin Adelson in print, bigs ups! And is it just us, or is this week’s Ego of Week duo even more attractive than usual? (Does that make us The-hoes?) And look, a super-classy cheese tasting! All that, a bag of chips, and more–it this week’s issue! Writers’ meeting tonight at 6:30, you know the deal.
Most people view their clothes as an extension of themselves. That’s why there are so many meltdowns on shows like How Do I Look? and our personal favorite, What Not To Wear? That’s why we never said anything when so many of our friends went through that “punk” phase in middle school (you know, the one where they wore all those studded belts and jelly sex bracelets?); it was merely a manifestation of their desire to rebel against their parents by being extreme. What you put on in the morning provides an opportunity to make a unique statement about who you are (whether it be middle-aged vixen or conservative, folksy politician). And if the clothes make the initial statement, it’s accessories that add a total flare.
And yet it seems like Penn women are all about suppressing their personalities in the name of boring, bland homogeneity. Whether that manifests itself in a trashy boot or matching North Faces, it drives us crazy.
But even more than that, the one thing we will never understand is why the ladies of Penn are determined to suppress the one area of fashion where it’s okay to be a little crazy: the handbag. We could waste time, but why not just call a Spade a Spade? Ladies, for the love of God, put the Longchamp tote down.
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As if the original Crocs–and the mock-Ugg Crocs–weren’t bad enough, Crocs has recently debuted its new fall/winter “collection” of their YOU by Crocs line. I wish I were making this shit up.
These are called the Twisted Tart. I don't even know where to begin.
Aside from the use of all caps in the title of the line, which makes me feel as though Soulja Boy is imploring me to buy the shoes…. these babies are u-g-l-y. No alibis. It’s great that Crocs is trying to offer “comfortable, ergonomic, odor-resistant, anti-microbial, lightweight” shoes… but there has clearly been an aesthetic compromise that I just can’t tolerate. The attempt to copy these Prada beauties physically pains me. While I am all for recessionista fashion finds, the shoes pictured are $150! Surely Steve Madden makes something similar, cheaper, and not so damn ugly.
Welcome to Over It, in which we allow a disgruntled UTB contributor to rant at length about some thing or another. (How is that different from every other post on UTB, you ask? We’re not sure!) Today, Michael Gold takes on that most odious form of footwear, Uggs.
We were all around in 2003 when Ugg boots exploded onto the scene. “How cute!,” we all squealed, running out to buy a pair of sheepskin boots, rejoicing in the comfort afforded to us by the soft fleece lining. The modern woman was glad to have an alternative to the cowboy boot craze (which had began to manifest itself as the “hooker boot”), particularly one that was much more affordable than leather. To the consternation of many (who preferred the moniker “Fuggs”), knock-offs began rolling off the shelves, and soon every American female had one or two pairs of the boots in their closet.
Those of us who hated the Ugg simply waited. Like all fashion trends, this one was destined to die. If the disappearance of leg warmers and the extinction of the denim jacket were any indication, Uggs would be on their way out sooner than the animals they came from, hopefully to be replaced by something shinier and sleeker. And yet as we stroll around Penn’s campus, we are plagued by the fact that the plague Ugg boot has spread more than SARS.
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This weekend’s New York Times Magazine has a photoshoot of fashionable professors (titled “Class Acts”–LOLNYT!). Among the featured is our very own Wendy Steiner of the English department and the Penn Humanities Forum, looking like a sassy cross between Nina Garcia and Cruella De Vil. This is just like when Amy Gutmann was in Glamour last year, but we think Professor Steiner looks even more fierce! Check her out:
The spread also pictures profs from Columbia, Brown, SMU, Harvard and a few others. Props to Bwog for noticing the feature!
This could be you!
Before we all applied to Penn, we looked at those college guide books that, among other ratings, graded the looks of women on campus. I don’t remember exactly what the score was, but it was a grade I certainly had never seen previously (which is why I then got into Penn). And while the women here bear the brunt of the beauty-bashing, let’s be honest: the Quaker men also lack those state school good looks. APAHW and the UMC must have missed this fact, wanting us to forgo library carrels for the catwalk in honor of its annual fashion show.
But what do we know? They say beauty is skin deep and confidence is everything, so go forth you wannabe Betties and Baldwins — try outs are on Monday and Tuesday.
