NewsDecember 9, 2013 at 1:42 pm

Remembering Nelson Mandela

UnknownTonight from 6 p.m. to 7:30 p.m. W.E.B. Du Bois College House will be hosting a discussion on President Nelson Mandela’s life and legacy. Those who attend will be able to join in on the conversation with Penn professors, graduate students, and the Faculty Master, Rev. William Gipson. No funny business will be taking place.

While finals may slowly kicking us in the a$$ and sadly, reading days were not extended (too soon?), let us all take time out of our day to remember the legacy that President Mandela left behind– a man remembered for his leadership, optimism, and bravery.

NewsDecember 5, 2013 at 9:51 am

Reading Days Extended An Extra Day

HALLELUJAh[Disclaimer: This post was part of our Joke Day series. Our logo was Button the Under for a whole day and you didn't even notice.] We thought we couldn’t get a better Hanukkah present than the totally unnecessary ice menorah outside VP.  Boy, were we wrong.  According to an email sent early this morning by Madame Presidente herself, the Quaker gods are reversing their cute decision to shorten reading days this semester. Unfortunately, the usually flawless Amy G didn’t seem to be on her Gmail game, since the message has gone to spam for most students.  Not a big deal, since no one could possibly care about this sort of thing.

The email cites the overwhelming concern expressed by professors, parents, and CAPS staff about the effects of this semester’s exam schedule on students’ mental health.   As a result, exams scheduled for next Friday (the 13th) will be rescheduled to the following Monday (the 16th).  You know what that means—it’s time to be the DGAP at formal, start a new show on Netflix (R.I.P. Brian from Family Guy), and take a well-deserved porn break, because that’s what we were planning on doing anyway we have an extra 24 hours to study.  HYFR.

ShutterButtonDecember 4, 2013 at 4:03 pm

ShutterButton: Getting Wild, Studying For Finals

Study Party

’Tis the season to be stress-full, as many of us get ready to procrasturbate in our library of choice for the next few weeks. It’s not always easy to stay focused on the textbook you’ve definitely been keeping up with, but let this 1907 photo of Penn students doin’ work remind you that it can be done.

FREE Pottruck Classes-- Pottruck's hosting free fitness classes December 9th through 13th as part of its Stress Relief Week. Clutch. What better way to calm your finals freakout than to get your downward-facing dog on?
NewsNovember 30, 2013 at 5:29 pm

Things To Give Thanks For At Penn

thankful-catAs we set course for the 215 once more, we cannot help but groan a little. Our T-day leftovers include enough work for weeks, and with finals looming, have we no thanks left to give? Here’s a list of things to give thanks for at Penn. Let it be the chicken soup for your soul.

1. Hot TAs – Savor the final hours of recitation with your pants on. Come second semester, TA means totally available, so cuff ‘em while you can. Tis the season.

2. Someone to drink with 24/7 – “Whenever, wherever, we’re meant to be drink together.” Rain or shine, sleet or snow, off to the bar (or our bedrooms) we go.

3. The quarter machines in Houston that have peanut M&Ms – A hidden gem and staple for your impending emotional breakdowns.

4. Taking Music Theory to fulfill Formal Reasoning – Your get-out-of-jail-free card in the game of Pennopoly. Pass No on Math∞, and collect your sanity (whatever’s left).

5. The HubBub owner’s face – Your daily dose of tall, sexy, and Jewish (we assume). One look at this hunk and we’re more than caffeinated.

6. Van Pelt’s negligent bag checks – The only thing worse than a real bag check would be if people saw you embezzling a book. You will never come back from that.

7. The fact that Beijing is a BYO – Give thanks for the inedible, inexpensive food that makes the stale Burgundy Franzia taste like holy water.

8. The downstairs bathroom in Fisher – Nothing says “rock bottom” quite like a loo in the basement of a silent library.

9. The CVS on 43rd and Locust -for everything embarrassing you’d like to buy away from the prying eyes of your fellow Quakers.

10. Penn InTouch – If your stare at Somba long enough, maybe someone will drop it and you’re so in. Some call it procrastination, we call it tenacity.

FeaturesNovember 28, 2013 at 10:44 am

The Penn Thanksgiving Bingo Card

Because we’re thankful for ya, the staff here at UTB put together a li’l Thanksgiving bingo card  for your eNjOyMeNt. Click to enlarge, print, and cut it out (god bless if you actually do). See if you can get bingo before the food coma sets in, or blackout before Grandma blacks out. Hurrah, hurrah, happy Thanksgivukkah!

thanksgiving bingo

NewsMay 5, 2013 at 5:58 pm

Calling All C-Students

photo (3)

This fire hydrant gives a whole new meaning to “bra burning.” After what we presume must have been a pretty steamy night of second base under the stars, the evidence remains for the public to see. Speaking of (36-)Cs, head out to Hamilton Walk to retrieve your lost-and-found before your parents do!

NewsMay 4, 2013 at 11:51 am

The Five Best Ways To Procrastinate During Finals Week

tumblr_lcmlhrjyR51qf76m1o1_500Alas, we’ve hit that crucial point during finals: some people are done and others still have exams on Monday and Tuesday. Good thing there’s light at the end of the tunnel. Here’s a list of the five best ways to procrastinate in these last few days of darkness:

1. Actually use the library resources…to dirty-chat the librarians ;)

2. And if that doesn’t quite do it for ya, there’s always 50 Shades fan-fiction. Because we know that finals week is a time when most students get a little horny restless. 

3. If you’re looking for something a little more PG, bounce the cats on cat-bounce!

4. But if you want to feel semi-productive, you can kick it high school-style with this. What’s that? There no quiz to prepare you for your OPIM final? No worries, because there is a way to test your knowledge of these.

5.Watch the Godfather trilogy…on a computer in the Forum. We’re sure no one will mind!

Happy studying!

FeaturesMay 3, 2013 at 5:05 pm

A Senior’s Final Final

graduation_cap-2090As final season draws to a close, we decided to sit down with one randomly chosen senior, who may or may not have won a raffle with a profile post as a prize, and allow him to reflect on his last final as a college student. Grab some tissues; this one’s a tearjerker.

UTB: Before we start, how do you feel about me distorting your words to make you sound funnier?

WM: If it’s possible. I’m pretty funny.

UTB: Already doing it….So, what was your final final as a Penn student?

WM: Advanced negotiations.

UTB: Nice. How did you feel when you finished?

WM: How I always feel after I finish. Tired, happy, and ready to get out of there. *wink*

UTB: Did you just wink at me? Anyway, what were you thinking when you handed it in?

Cliffhanger! Click here to read more

FeaturesMay 2, 2013 at 6:12 pm

8 More Tips For Healthy Finals

man laptopWe’re halfway through! Or maybe you’re having your first final tomorrow. Or maybe you’re done and already home? (If this is the case, we’re jealous.)

No matter what level of panic or relaxation you’re in, you could use a study break. Here are some tips to help you stay sane–no, seriously we’re trying to help! Not enough? Check out last semester’s list here. Current list after the jump!

Read the rest of this entry »