NewsMay 4, 2013 at 11:51 am

The Five Best Ways To Procrastinate During Finals Week

tumblr_lcmlhrjyR51qf76m1o1_500Alas, we’ve hit that crucial point during finals: some people are done and others still have exams on Monday and Tuesday. Good thing there’s light at the end of the tunnel. Here’s a list of the five best ways to procrastinate in these last few days of darkness:

1. Actually use the library resources…to dirty-chat the librarians ;)

2. And if that doesn’t quite do it for ya, there’s always 50 Shades fan-fiction. Because we know that finals week is a time when most students get a little horny restless. 

3. If you’re looking for something a little more PG, bounce the cats on cat-bounce!

4. But if you want to feel semi-productive, you can kick it high school-style with this. What’s that? There no quiz to prepare you for your OPIM final? No worries, because there is a way to test your knowledge of these.

5.Watch the Godfather trilogy…on a computer in the Forum. We’re sure no one will mind!

Happy studying!

FeaturesMay 3, 2013 at 5:05 pm

A Senior’s Final Final

graduation_cap-2090As final season draws to a close, we decided to sit down with one randomly chosen senior, who may or may not have won a raffle with a profile post as a prize, and allow him to reflect on his last final as a college student. Grab some tissues; this one’s a tearjerker.

UTB: Before we start, how do you feel about me distorting your words to make you sound funnier?

WM: If it’s possible. I’m pretty funny.

UTB: Already doing it….So, what was your final final as a Penn student?

WM: Advanced negotiations.

UTB: Nice. How did you feel when you finished?

WM: How I always feel after I finish. Tired, happy, and ready to get out of there. *wink*

UTB: Did you just wink at me? Anyway, what were you thinking when you handed it in?

Cliffhanger! Click here to read more

FeaturesMay 2, 2013 at 6:12 pm

8 More Tips For Healthy Finals

man laptopWe’re halfway through! Or maybe you’re having your first final tomorrow. Or maybe you’re done and already home? (If this is the case, we’re jealous.)

No matter what level of panic or relaxation you’re in, you could use a study break. Here are some tips to help you stay sane–no, seriously we’re trying to help! Not enough? Check out last semester’s list here. Current list after the jump!

Read the rest of this entry »

NewsMay 1, 2013 at 4:09 pm

A Majestic Musical Moment


Channeling Improv Everywhere, theatrical geniuses Sam Pasternack and Lee Marcus use the power of music to bring to life an integral part of the Penn experience–stuff watching. Who actually steals things? What if no one is willing to commit? Who can you trust? Does anything exciting happen in Harnwell!? Watch the video to find out!

FeaturesMay 1, 2013 at 2:53 pm

Annoying Things That Happen In Study Spaces

studying-bohLet’s face it, studying sucks, and what sucks even more is sitting in a cramped library for eight hours at a time surrounded by the same obnoxious people.

There’s the guy who falls asleep the moment he turns his computer on, the girl who “politely” asks you to plug in every Apple product known to man, and that one person that decided it was a great idea to get a five-course meal delivered to his study cubicle.

As Penn kids in the midst of finals, we can all relate. Here are the ten annoying things that happen to us in study spaces. Happy studying, everyone! Read the rest of this entry »

ShutterButtonMay 1, 2013 at 10:34 am

ShutterButton: Fish(er)ing For Finals

reading-room-university-of-pennsylvania-library-philadelphia-pennsylvania--2.jpg.png

We’re dreaming of a white Christmas weeknight bootycall library that hasn’t reached maximum occupancy this week. Despite Fisher’s current lack of seats (bitter), we’re glad the setup has changed significantly since 1900, when this photo was taken. Looks like a perfect place to cram for Intro to Claustrophobia or cry about that last BYO/mixer/shitshow you’re missing. Don’t fret honey child, you’re evidently amongst friends, and there’s always next year.

NewsApril 30, 2013 at 5:48 pm

We Might All Fail Our Finals But At Least We’re Hot

11591sayings2426BuzzFeed’s got one more list to distract us from our studying/snacking and complaining about studying/snacking on Twitter (same thing). But this time it’s not the world’s cutest puppies or creepiest things written on bathroom stalls! It’s a perceptual map of the sexiest, smartest colleges in the country, and Penn kind of kicked the curve’s ass.

So relax. Catch up on Game of Thrones. No one cares about what you got in FNCE 100 when you’re at the hottest school in the country.

Technically, Emma Watson won Brown that #1 title, but she didn’t even graduate so we all know it doesn’t count. Plus, does Hermione have his sweet-as-honey, godsent voice? Nope. It’s all good, Brown. We’ll let you win something.

FeaturesApril 30, 2013 at 1:04 pm

Things That Are Worse Than Finals: Fifth Edition

optimismEvery semester, there are three sure signs that finals season has rolled around. First—the most obvious—Van Pelt’s got extended hours; second, the nursing students have deserted campus; and third, a strict Don’t Ask Don’t Tell policy on showering has been tacitly ratified by everyone you know and love.

But fear not, for there is a bar of soap at the end of this long, musky tunnel. In the meantime, enjoy these few sprinkles of fresh perspective. Read the rest of this entry »

Free Coffee -- Just like every other semester during finals, Bridge Cafe in Huntsman is giving away free cups o' Joe from 9PM-12AM, starting TONIGHT! Seniors, these may be the last dining dollars you ever spend!
NewsApril 23, 2013 at 10:57 am

Finals Are Really Hard


imageEveryone needs a little pick-me-up to take the edge off of finals week. We encourage it! Late night insomnia delivery, venti NON-skinny latte, go crazy. Looks like someone took it a little too far today in a Van Pelt bathroom and got down in between review sessions, leaving their (large) container of lube behind. At least they had the courtesy not to relieve their stress in the stacks? Just know that this is NOT what we meant when we said Rosenparty. And if you’re into that, some suggested material