Everyone needs a little pick-me-up to take the edge off of finals week. We encourage it! Late night insomnia delivery, venti NON-skinny latte, go crazy. Looks like someone took it a little too far today in a Van Pelt bathroom and got down in between review sessions, leaving their (large) container of lube behind. At least they had the courtesy not to relieve their stress in the stacks? Just know that this is NOT what we meant when we said Rosenparty. And if you’re into that, some suggested material…
Two a.m. and she calls me ’cause I’m still awake… Preach, Anna Nalick, because it’s Twitter-official: VP’s main building is open until 2 a.m. all the way through finals, effective immediately. As happy as we are that the exodus to Rosenparty is no longer at the absurdly early hour of midnight, the fact that @upennlib had to tweet something with the words “today” and “finals” is disconcerting.
Where did the time go?! Oh yes, last day of classes in about two weeks, so buckling down to start those final research papers now is not unwise. Who are we kidding? Do your mental health a favor and don’t take advantage of these extended hours until after this weekend. And if we see you in there during Fling, you’re getting MERTed.
Alas, break is over, and the quad bathrooms don’t quite measure up to those at your grandparents’ retirement complex in Boca. But don’t worry, be happy! We’ve got a list to remind you why Penn is the !$h. Forrealz, we hear our beloved university is the place to be this spring. And here are ten reasons to prove it:
1. Let’s just state the obvious: Spring Fling is around the corner! Time to start those countdowns, folks.
2. And on top o’ that…St. Patty’s day is upon us! Bonus points for having a midterm the next day.
3. Which reminds us…There are still midterms we get to take! And then…finals!!! Like a fat kid at a candy story, y’all. Read the rest of this entry »
Ugh, people who seriously indulge in and get really heated over the “papers vs. exams” debate. Newsflash: when you’ve got an exam, you’d rather just sit at home and write a paper, and when you’ve got a paper, you’d rather just bang out an exam.
As a wise red crab once kindly pointed out, “the seaweed is always greener in somebody else’s lake.” Which directly translates to, “finals suck either way, and you people are the absolute worst!”
Click ahead to discover ten more things worse than finals. (And then check out the three previous installments of this feature.) Read the rest of this entry »
There you are. I see you. Sitting in a tiny VP cubby, stalking sorority formal pics on your laptop, awkwardly snapchatting your best friend and getting caught by the passing security guard. “Lookin’ good, Jenny,” he says. “My name’s not Jenny, and I haven’t showered in three days,” you respond. Then SUDDENLY – you whiff an uncomfortable concoction of Indian food and squishy diaper. Someone’s eating in the cubby behind you. And it’s NOT making this day any better.
We have compiled a brief new list (see old) of the absolute worst foods to order to the library. Don’t be selfish. Don’t be mean. Take a look at this list and think twice before subjecting the entire fourth floor to spicy duck foo yung.
1. Your Mom’s Homemade Sausage Casserole: Moms, they’re truly the best. Right? WRONG. We don’t care if she FedExed that shit to you last night. This may be your comfort food at home, but let’s leave anything with noodles, cheese and sausage in it at the security counter. kk? Read the rest of this entry »
It’s finals time. You’re looking for the optimal place to study, but you can’t find any more beds carrels in Van Pelt – we’re here to help you find some of the niche study spaces on campus, as always. Freshbabies, be attentive!
Fisher Fine Arts – Silence. You take one poop too loud in the restroom and you’re blacklisted.
Education Commons – Any NARP (non-athletic regular person) is welcome, but the place reeks of balls: foot, soft, base, basket, you name it!
Rooftop Lounges – Avoid Harrison. You’ll get stuck in an elevator, most likely with a stressed out freshman who hasn’t showered for days named Sitswithpig. Read the rest of this entry »
Few of us are praying that finals continue forever. The impending end of the semester cannot come soon enough for most of the student body, which unanimously agreed it is “totes miserable” and is only surviving on junk food and hourly kvetch sessions.
But if you take advantage of the silver linings to still being here, you may want to miss your flight home on the 20th (you must be, like, the only person at this school with an exam on the last day). Okay, you may still want to fast-forward to spending the days couch potato-ing with your dog(s), but you are #blessed! Philly is your oyster! If you were home now, you wouldn’t be able to:
- Turn your sadness into happy hour. Treat yoself to dranks at any of University City’s daily happy hours to turn that frown upside down! Then stumble into Van Pelt and write a paper tipsy, you tortured artist, you.
- Ignore parental nags. When you’re under the same roof as momma, tensions are going to rise if you don’t X, Y and Z right now. At dear old Penn, you just get occasional texts reminding you to go outside and eat greens. Read the rest of this entry »
Ever had an urge to take a selfie while studying in VP? Well NOW IS YOUR CHANCE to win free stuff for taking pics during your study breaks.
Prizes are being awarded courtesy of Penn Libraries in the following categories (winners to be announced on Friday evening, but send ‘em in early for a chance at one of the daily prizes!!):
- Most popular (Most Facebook likes) Less clothing = more likes
- Most studious (Most convincing evidence that a study goal was accomplished) Break out those hipster glasses with fake lenses
- Best self-portrait (individual photo) Snapchat a pic to UTB: +2 points
- Best study buddy photo (group photo) “Study” sessions with your girlfriend don’t count
- Best use of library resources (photo working with a library staff member or physical/virtual library materials) Does paying back $1500 worth of library fines count?
It’s the perfect excuse to use your phone while in the middle of that final essay, and the prizes aren’t too shabby, either!
In the spirit of reading days coming to an end (or are they just beginning?), we thought we’d provide you with another thing to look at while you procrastinate away the 48 hours you have left to cram a semester’s worth of material into your head (move over, Buzzfeed). So, without further ado, the seven things longer than reading days…
1. The hangover you had after formal.
2. The wait for any bagel-based product at Saxbys. Read the rest of this entry »
Have your parents texted you lately? If not, get ready for an influx of two very specific nagging messages in your inbox. We’ve been alerted to a precious email that has been sent to all our parents and guardians. It suggests language for two crucial texts, which is some pretty hip lingo for the older generation, some of whom have hardly mastered The Interweb. Always looking out for our collective mental and physical well-being, Penn Campus Health “prescribed” these hilarious texts for the stressful finals period:
1. “Did you eat something green today?”
2. “Did you go outside today?”
At the end of the semester, relying on a chips-only diet and spending all daylight hours in Van Pelt is not uncommon, so we’re sure these reminders from our parents (inevitably written “u eat green 2day?? LOL”) would revolutionize everything. Excuse us while we frolic through Penn Park and eat lettuce!
