For those of you too drunk to remember, there were a plethora of Fling tanks this year, as always. Some were actually amusing. Some were unpleasantly boring. Some were desperately unclever. We get it, you wanted to stand out, and for better or worse, we noticed you. So accept our awards and comments with honor and pride, or remorse and defeat, we don’t know your life. Firstly…
UTB and 34th Street present: The Best Tanks You Will Ever Wear
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Ahh, the sweet smells of Spring and sobriety.
This week has a ton of events that will serve as the perfect cure to your hangovers and matzah-induced stomach-aches.
Ongoing: Spring Green Week: Blind taste tests of organic food, clothing swaps in the Quad, and Quizzo — all with an environmental twist.
PASSOVER!!! Make your grandmother happy and go to the 30 minute seder. Also, I^ am hosting a seder at my house. Shoot me a message if you want to come.
If you haven’t yet overdose on SPEC, join them for an advanced screening of some movie with a topless Zac Efron: “Neighbors” @ 7:30pm @ the Rave
Wharton grad-turned VC dude-turned PA’s maybe future governor: Rob McCord @ 7pm @ JMHH265
Do you like Rabbits? Do you like Holes? Go see Rabbit Hole, presented by the Front Row Theater Company: @ 7:30pm @ Class of ’49 (Houston Hall)
Sororities + Sumo = Alzheimers? We’re confused, too, but it seems like Sammy’s philanthropy event will be a blast! @ 2pm @ 40th and Locust
This week’s award for best event cover photo goes to Onda Latina, performing “The Syndicate.” @ 6pm @ Iron Gate Theater
Off the Beat swears they’ll perform Jason Mraz, and we swear we won’t miss it! @ 6:30pm @ Harrison Auditorium (Penn Museum)
Kudos to EXCELANO for accepting Venmo payments for their show this semester! @ 8pm @ Dunlop (for details on where this place is, check out the event here)
Amidst all the rumors and outrage, Fling and actual spring weather have finally arrived! UTB is putting aside our “Free Fling” protest signs to give you an extensive guide for this weekend. Here’s how to push through 4 p.m. hangovers, Bouncy castle-induced nausea, and narc paranoia to live Fling to the fullest.
10 am: Awaken and seize the Fling. Head to a discrete location to pregame. If you’re a freshman and can’t get to your friends in other parts of the Quad, pregame via Facetime so it feels (a little) less sad.
12–6 pm: Fling around town. We recommend these events:
Lower Quad – Bloomers Band @ 1:00, Dischord @ 4:30
Upper Quad – Penny Loafers @ 2:40, Penn Hype @ 5:10, Fried Oreos @ every hour.
But realistically, you’re just gonna follow your fully flung heart/mind/stomach anyway. More semi-scheduled debauchery after the jump!
Fling is upon on us and Qdoba has taken notice! On Friday and Saturday, they’ll be open extra late in an attempt to corner the fourth meal market—a market previously untapped before Qdoba’s archnemesis Taco Bell lured hungry, drunk 18-to-25-year-old dudes into their driveways with quesadillas. The really interesting part is that Qdoba will be open til 2:30 a.m., when every other bar or food establishment on campus closes by 2 a.m…okay, but it’s still unclear whether any Penn student has ever knowingly walked into Qdoba to order food. Although, aren’t we forgetting something?
We’ll make this quick because we know you’re a) already flinging b) in class staring at the clock or c) on your way to New Jersey (stay safe!).
This week we’re all about fling, from gossip and logos of fling’s past to some serious thoughts on its present. Of course, we wanted to get your thoughts and have them all in our survey feature. You guys do some crazy shit and we absolutely love it. Thank you for the haikus.
Are you disappointed about Guetta? Lowbrow has some other ideas. Are you freaking out about your high school friend visiting and how you’re going to party for three days straight? Enter Ego, with friendly reminders to eat and stay hydrated. There are drunchies to be had and cocktails to mix. Come Sunday, you’ll find us curled up in the fetal position watching tv. We have options.
Have an amazing fling and get it started at 6:30 p.m. Our writers meeting is at 4015 Walnut and we’re pumped as ever, LCE be damned.
Deep breaths, deep breaths…FLING WEEKEND IS (ALMOST) HERE!!! How totally psychedelic! Like it or not, we’ll be documenting each and every one of your dude-even-the-Quad-security-thought-I-was-sober, oops-no-I’m-definitely-more-drunk-than-I-thought-I-was, well-what-do-we-have-here-I’m-blackout, nahhh-bitch-I-just-blacked-in, and-now-I’m-ready-to-rally, moves beginning Friday (tonight? Thursday?). Read on to find out the least peaceful and loving things that will be taking place sooner than you can say fling, flang, FLUNG.
1. Lines are drawn as the one person who your entire hall hates isn’t invited to the hall pre-game and shows up anyway.
2. You underestimate your drunkenness and try to eat at Commons, getting into a fight with your once favorite employee and forever ruining what used to be a beautiful relationship.
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Collective exhale, Penn. We’re back in action. On this eve of Fling 2014, we look back to better times. Before the man tried to put us down, cancel our parties, and drive us to black out downtown far away from medical amnesty. When this hero still felt comfortable taking a handle pull in broad daylight on a public street. When Penn got shmacked. The good old days. We’ll miss you.
Ahh, fling–the sun is temporarily shining, the birds are singing, hackers are hacking, and NARCS ARE LURKING. The Liquor Control Agency is back in full(er) force this year to protect West Philly from the terrifying threat of drunk kids in boat shoes, and they mean business. If you’re planning to guetta little weird this week, there are some things to keep in mind:
- This year there are twice as many alcohol monitors, patrolling on and off campus Monday-Friday 6 p.m.-2 a.m. and Saturday 12 p.m.-2 p.m.
- Officially they need to (1) hear music, (2) see a crowd, and (3) see open alcohol containers, but LCA agents and alcohol monitors have been known to raid parties without all three of those conditions in place. Basically, if you’re throwing down for fling, it has to be a silent disco and the alc needs to have a cap on it at all times. Sippy cups work.
- Undercover LCA agents will be at parties and for the first time in Penn’s history have the authority to escort the president of the organization out of the house in handcuffs. Note: LCA agents are not the same as alcohol monitors. They’re here to write citations and make arrests, kick underage ass and take underage names, float like undercover butterflies and sting like bees with badges. Watch ur back. Watch others’ backs.
- If an “RA” knocks on your Quad door out of the blue and demands to search your room for alcohol, this person is probably not an RA. Or a NARC. Despite rumors of such sketchy Quad searches, it seems that if it’s really happening, it’s thanks to people who are probably too cheap to buy their own alcohol. Use your noggins, kids.
- If fighting the man is your thing, Protest for a Free Fling is actually happening Thursday at noon on College Green, as per last night’s viral Facebook event. Peace love fling and protests! This is so theme-y! You’ve got UTB’s support. Is it too late to get a Free Fling fling tank?
The IFC is reportedly working to push the LCA’s attention to off-campus frats, but no one is really safe. We’re just wondering when fling got so hard. Now we have to remember to not get hospitalized AND not get arrested? That’s two whole things to remember. Actually you also have to remember to send us your texts from fling. That’s three things.
With Fling in full swing,
How could you not,
Send us the embarrassing
drunk texts that you got?
For the fourth year in a row,
we’re here to round up,
The texts crafted, in part,
by the drink in your cup.
Include the area code,
We won’t say your name,
No need for explanation,
No need to feel shame.
Send the best ones to firstname.lastname@example.org ,
To or from your TA, your ex, or your mom.
Your texts will be famous! On our website they’ll hang,
As proof that your Fling went out with a bang.
Calling all Quakers to join this contest,
Just send us your texts, and we’ll do the rest ;)
HELLO, FLING WEEK. It’s the calm before the shitstorm of beer and bad decisions that will descend upon us in 72 hours, or 48 for fun people. Unfortunately, a few things still have to happen before you can find your peacelovenfling. But this is Penn! The only thing we like more than BYOing is finding events to inappropriately BYO. So happy flasking:
Today, 2-5pm: College Palooza
Head over to Houston for some trifold poster board presentations, FUN instagram contests, and liquid nitrogen ice cream. What happens if you mix liquid nitrogen and alc?
Today, 6:30-7:30pm: AEI Presents “What You Need to Know About the Economy You Will Be Entering”
Concerned that you’re not worrying about your future quite enough? Head to 4th floor College Hall. Read the rest of this entry »