My GOODNESS, dost thou feel that blood in thine loins, for it is the Day of Saint Valentine?! We at UTB are pretty confident you all will get some tonight. You’ve just got that quality that drives them wild. But in case you need a little extra assistance to rise to the task, here are some well-known aphrodisiacs and where on campus to procure them.
AphroD: Oysters
Penn Retailer: Doc Magrogan’s. A sexy place where sexy people digest this divine shellfish, hoping for pearls and subsequent pearl necklaces
AphroD: Chili Peppers
Penn Retailer: Mad Mex, where we can recommend the enchiladas. But if you forgot about Valentine’s day and forgot to make reservations, there’s another option! Take your angry lady to Jimmy John’s and ask for extra hot peppers on her Unwich! She’ll get so flushed and lusty that she’ll forget you’re a worthless asshole, and maybe even put out if you grab some jalapeño chips for the road.
AphroD: Pomegranate
Penn Retailer: Fro Gro. This one goes out to all the semites, who have known this food’s mystical kabbalistic (and sexual) powers since they were little nudniks.
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In today’s edition of “Which Mediterranean-Influenced Restaurant Wore It Better?”, we present Allegro on the left and Greek Lady on the right. Each dining establishment is decked out in bales of hay, pumpkins and unique interpretations of the scarecrow. Points were awarded to Allegro for aesthetics and organization, while Greek Lady dominated in scale and creativity.
Can we just have the whole bottle for (according to our math) eight bucks? For delivery, please.
We did some serious investigate reporting (read: eating) at the “new” Greek Lady this morning and were pleasantly surprised to find the prices haven’t budged and the menu changed only slightly. We were greeted by a spankin’ new laminated breakfast menu and an Ancient Grecian aesthetic. Could this really be the same Greek Lady (@ Penn) we’d all grown to love? Judging from the same omelets, french fries and salads our favorite lady has indeed, stayed true to her roots.
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The Greek Lady has finally opened its (fancy new) doors to the public! Although you can- and should- check it out now, the official opening is on Monday (the 20th). The date for the grand opening has not yet been announced.
File this one under: things we really, really like. As a part of the Awl’s “The End of the 00s” feature, Penn alum Luke Mazur composes an ode to Penn food trucks that is nothing short of awesome. Mazur uses Bui’s and Hemo’s as analogies to make some compelling political statements, but more importantly writes things like, “Hemo had t-shirts too, with his name emblazoned on the front in Microsoft Word block lettering. Some of us bought one (or two) because credit was still cheap, and still our parents’.” He also waxes poetic about the days when Greek Lady was still a cart and alludes to Al Filreis’ Representations of the Holocaust in Literature and Film class.
This leaves only one question unanswered: WHO IS THE REAL LE ANH?
