Just try to imagine the pain of those poor souls in the High Rise Field-area who were awakened early this Homecoming morn by the sounds of human orange blazers from Princeton tootin’ away on their tubas. They’ve woken up our scholars, broken into our hallowed halls and seared their garish tartan knits into our young and supple eyes. When will they stop?!
There’s so much going on this weekend that no actual human being could go to everything, so we’ve got the bare minimum of what you need: how to booze it up this Homecoming weekend.
Don’t have time to sift through everything to find homecoming details because you’re already drunk? Never fear, we’ve rounded everything up right here.
Are we missing anything? If so, leave it in the comments. Happy homecoming!
So cliché. Try our new ideas!
We all know Homecoming is for one thing: getting with hot alumni. But sometimes indiscriminately macking on everything that moves can get boring, dramatic or even dangerous. That’s why we’ve come up with the most efficient way to enhance your hookups: our very own point system!
For the adventurous, try to collect ‘em all. If you’re just starting out, aim for a more moderate score, lest you over-exert yourself. And of course, be careful to avoid negatives!
Football and geezers and face paint, oh my! The planets have aligned and Quakers young, old and somewhere in between will fortuitously cross paths this weekend. See what the stars have in store for you.
Aries: If you are celebrating the seasonal activities, now is a good time to order the food or reserve your hotel room. Attention returning alumni: if you failed to book a suite at the Inn at Penn, you may be forced to spend the night on a mystery stain-covered couch in your old frat house.
Taurus: You might be embarrassed about doing yoga and relaxation exercises, but you will enjoy the results. You finally let your friend drag you to Dhyana Yoga and you let out a humiliating toot during mid-downward-upfacing ninja warrior tree pose. Don’t worry, though—the only thing that cutie across the room noticed is how flexible you are ;). Read the rest of this entry »
Sometimes the path to great success is long and tedious and your parents’ lessons on how to make it just don’t jive with your lifestyle. Rather than suffering through four years of college, grad school, and a slew of jobs, consider your options! 1) Become the self-made (wo)man who never went to college but makes something amazing of him or herself. 2) Become the college drop-out who goes on to develop the richest company ever. 3) Flunk out of school and become a really rich and famous actor. Candice Bergen, best known for her role in the too long-running sitcom Murphy Brown and as that bitchy pageant director in Miss Congeniality, chose option three, and the failure that launched her illustrious career began right here at Penn!
Candice’s career as a Quaker began in 1963. She was a model student athlete leader …maybe just a model, because she won both Homecoming Queen and Miss University (UA, Amy, somebody, why isn’t this still happening? SPEC JAZZ AND GROOVES FOR HOMECOMING QUEEN!). But tragedy struck in 1965, when Candice was asked to leave Penn after failing opera and art classes. Read the rest of this entry »
BOO! Did we scare you with how much awesome stuff there is to do this weekend? With the epic combination of Halloween and Homecoming, there’s literally not a moment to waste in celebrating as hard as possible. Luckily, we’ve created a list of what’s going on to help guide your ghoulish adventures (ew, okay, Halloween buzzwords are sooo lame).
Feel free to add your own events in the comments, as we’ve probably not been invited to all the Facebook events we should have.
Wednesday
Dynamic Duos: Tabard Society
Fiso Lounge, 1439 South Street.
10:30 p.m. 21+.
Crush Party: AXO and DDD
The Roxxy, 939 N. Delaware Ave
10:00 p.m. 18+ to enter, 21+ to drink.
Remember when Princeton totally zinged us during Homecoming? Well they were probably trying to retaliate after last year’s game, when school buses full of kegs and Penn students took their campus by storm. Unfortunately for the Tigers, our debauchery seems to have had a far more lasting effect than temporarily interrupting students in the library. The Daily Princetonian reports:
Public Safety and police officers [are] enforcing a new rule, which went into effect this fall, that limits tailgating to three hours before and one hour after sporting events. Tailgating during games has been banned.
This is a real tragedy for early risers and those of us who tailgate without ever intending to watch the game! Here’s where Penn comes in:
The University instituted these regulations after last year’s home football game against the University of Pennsylvania, when tailgaters started two bonfires and left “excessive amounts of trash” on the lot by Broadmead Street, near Princeton Stadium, University spokeswoman Cass Cliatt ’96 said.
The “excessive amount of trash” situation makes us look like total jerks. After all, aren’t we supposed to be really Green? The bonfires, on the other hand? Those sound pretty bad ass.
We’re going to count this as yet another win against Princeton, at least until next year when the game is away and the rules are a total drag.
For some, Homecoming means posting up at Mad4 and drinking a few too many margaritas. For others, it means the chance to assert our athletic dominance over our Ivy League peers. Well, it looks like we did both of these things today, as Mad4 was a madhouse and we beat Princeton like it was our job.
But before we beat the Tigers 42-7, the Princeton band decided to bust into Van Pelt. On a Saturday. On Homecoming. LAME.