NewsApril 10, 2014 at 4:52 pm

UTB’s Hourly Guide to Fling

Amidst all the rumors and outrage, Fling and actual spring weather have finally arrived! UTB is putting aside our “Free Fling” protest signs to give you an extensive guide for this weekend. Here’s how to push through 4 p.m. hangovers, Bouncy castle-induced nausea, and narc paranoia to live Fling to the fullest.


10 am: Awaken and seize the Fling. Head to a discrete location to pregame. If you’re a freshman and can’t get to your friends in other parts of the Quad, pregame via Facetime so it feels (a little) less sad.

12–6 pm: Fling around town. We recommend these events:

Lower Quad – Bloomers Band @ 1:00, Dischord @ 4:30
Upper Quad – Penny Loafers @ 2:40, Penn Hype @ 5:10, Fried Oreos @ every hour.

But realistically, you’re just gonna follow your fully flung heart/mind/stomach anyway. More semi-scheduled debauchery after the jump!

What's HapPENNingMarch 31, 2014 at 6:17 am

What’s HapPENNing?

whats happeningHello, friend. We hope you had a restful weekend because as you might be able to tell from the size of the list below, EVERYTHING IS HAPPENING THIS WEEK. Seriously, so much:

Ongoing: Festival Latino 2014
Muchos eventos. Speakers and workshops and banquets galoré.

Ongoing: Mental Wellness Week
Check out some of these events—including Take Back the Night on Thursday—to help raise mental health awareness.

Tuesday: Discovering the Fragrance Industry with Macy’s
Check out this olfactory opportunity to learn about the design, marketing, and launch of fragrances. Part of Penn Fashion Week!

Read the rest of this entry »

NewsApril 1, 2011 at 11:33 am

The (In) Significance of Facetime

With decisions coming back this week from the Ivies, tensions are running high, but not among whom we’d expect. Alums are feeling the stresses too. Turns out those interviews we worried over for days beforehand– painstakingly picking out “appropriate” outfits, wondering, “How will I know it’s them?” at the crowded Starbucks– meant as much to us as it did the kindly latte-laden alumni. Why?

Read the rest of this entry »

34th Street MagazineJanuary 20, 2011 at 9:30 am

Street Rocks! So do kids in Fishtown

After a long, depressing break, Street is finally back with a whole new staff and slew of arts and culture. Mhm girl, it’s been a big week.

We bring you all of rush’s top gossip, and an inside chat with Panhel’s Recruitment VP and our EOTW, Meredith Bress. She’s certainly got a lot to say about the Jersey Shore (don’t we all).

But if that’s not your thing, fear not because Arts brings us something totally Lady Gaga–esque: an art show based on meat. We’re hoping this modern art is E. coli free. Speaking of meat, have you heard Kanye and Jay–Z’s H.A.M.?

Good thing our centerspread brings you to an after–school program in Fishtown where kids of all ages get their rock on and jam out as a way to stay out of trouble. Literally — it’s School of Rock. Let’s just hope these kids enjoy our Brussels sprouts recipe of the week.

But even if they don’t, there are certainly No Strings Attached. Cheers to you dear readers and our new year’s resolutions!

34th Street MagazineDecember 9, 2010 at 10:10 am

STREET Presents the JOKE ISSUE: 1934 Brings us Hobos and Hoes

Times are tough these days. Breadlines are longer than ever and even though shantytowns are where all the rebels hang out, we’re really missing four walls and a roof. Damn. Anywho, this week Street attempts to brighten your day and show you the joys of this depressing life! Deal or New Deal?

In reality, Hoovervilles aren’t that bad. You can find love (and syphilis) there. Pinky promise. But have no fear, we caught up with Eleanor Roosevelt who drunkenly divulged her family recipe for Jell–O salad — it involves lots and lots of mayo.

But what we’re all wondering is what the HECK will our beloved Pennsyl–vain–i–a look like in 2010?! Here are our guesses. We can ponder these and other philosophical thoughts while listening to big (and small) band music. Oh yeah, and Hollywood is gay.

Philly is just booming with fun characters these days. Lenny the Cabbie discusses famous art… in common man speak. So it makes sense, you know? But he lost his dame to some a–hole with a Charlie Chaplin mustache.

Ugh, when will this horrid year be over? Oh right, in January. See you then, suckas!

FeaturesSeptember 20, 2010 at 6:32 pm

Greek Lady, You Sexy!

We did some serious investigate reporting (read: eating) at the “new” Greek Lady this morning and were pleasantly surprised to find the prices haven’t budged and the menu changed only slightly. We were greeted by a spankin’ new laminated breakfast menu and an Ancient Grecian aesthetic. Could this really be the same Greek Lady (@ Penn)  we’d all grown to love?  Judging from the same omelets, french fries and salads our favorite lady has indeed, stayed true to her roots.

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UncategorizedJune 1, 2009 at 7:33 pm

Change Is Afoot Under This Button

Loyal readers, you’ve probably noticed that UTB updates have been sporadic since finals, but we’d like to reassure that we’re still here, ready and willing to help you procrastinate. On that note, we’ve got a few housekeeping-type announcements:

"Tell Jesus the Button is back."

"Tell Jesus the Button is back."

We need your tips! With the UTB staff and Penn in general scattered across the world, we’re still getting used to keeping tabs on a less-concentrated-but-no-less-ridiculous student body. You can help us with that by sending us your tips, and sending ‘em early and often.  And while you’re at it, add us to your gchat list and freaking IM us already, we’re hella bored. Now remember, geniuses, it’s underthebutton AT

We need new writers! We’re always looking for new blood here at UTB, and some of you may have a lot more free time now that it’s summer and you’re unemployed/your a capella group practices ended/your girlfriend dumped you. Or maybe your life isn’t pathetic and you want to write for us anyway, that would be fine too! We’re especially interested in some dispatches from incoming ’13s. Hit us up.

We want to know what you’re up to. In the vein of our short-lived and generally unsuccessful series on “Abrogs,” we want to start up a little feature on people that are doing cool things with their summers. Are you interning for Obama? Have you improbably scored a gig as Bernie Madoff’s manservant? Or perhaps you are friends with Obama interns and Madoff manservants. Either way, we need to know about it.

We have new summer editors. Devoted readers of this blog will recognize the bylines of Hillary Reinsberg and Charlotte Borgen, both of whom have been upgraded to Summer Editors. They will be around, joining the gang you know and love: associate eds Lauren Lipsay and Jessica Goldstein, all-knowing editrix Julia Rubin, our regular slate of contributors, and your lowly UTB Editor (that’s “emeritus” now, trust), whoever-the-hecksky that is.

And there you have it, Earthquakes. E-mail us immediately.

UncategorizedMay 17, 2009 at 4:42 pm

Screw It, We’re Tweeting Commencement

Penn has an official Commencement Twitter, and as much as we love A. J. Snyder (said Twitter’s most prolific contributor), we will be tweeting it ourselves, @underthebutton. Tune in for tonight’s College graduation ceremony (John Legend!) and tomorrow’s Commencement ceremony (Eric Schmidt!).

UncategorizedMay 3, 2009 at 3:39 pm

Trespassing: Capogiro

Late, for a very important date.

Late, for a very important date.

Capogiro, the delicious gelato shop that was set to open in the Radian in late April, did not in fact open in late April. Now that it’s early May, we were hoping the grand opening would be sometime soon, but when we snuck a peek yesterday, we left with a less positive outlook.

UncategorizedApril 19, 2009 at 1:33 pm

Inquiring Minds Want To Know About Shoutouts

Did you know shoutouts are due today?  Well, they are, so send ‘em in.  Did you know that there’s a big article about said deadline in today’s Philadelphia Inquirer?  Well, there is.  It begins:

At this very moment, hundreds of Penn students are hunched over their computers, furiously composing pithy bits of prose that they hope to get published in the Shoutouts section of 34th Street, the Daily Pennsylvanian student newspaper’s weekly magazine. Today at noon is the deadline for the much-anticipated, once-a-semester feature.

Wrong, Inquirer, wrong!  At this very moment, hundreds of Penn students are in fact still lying in bed, hungover and recovering from Fling.  “Pithy bits of prose” sounds nice, but most submissions are more along the lines of “illiterate Engineer utterances.” (Don’t worry, we <3 them all.)  And a noon deadline?  Hah.  Everyone knows that deadlines are negotiable — we’ll be accepting shoutouts all day. Read the rest of this entry »