Earlier this fine evening, we received an email from Leah Popowich about President Gutmann’s study break on Sunday. Attached was the holly jolly eyesore seen above. Poinsettia border. Lollipop clipart (?). Multiple exclamation points. AND COMIC SANS. Amy! What. Were. You. Thinking?!
[Disclaimer: This article was part of our "Joke Day" series... if you couldn't tell by the usage of Comic Sans.] Madame the President was spotted at Copabanana last night. According to fellow denizens of Copa, she was the life of the party. As one freshmen (who wished to remain anonymous due to underage drinking laws) told us, “She has the best stories and always tells the funniest jokes. Definitely inviting her to my next girls’ night! Love her!” And so do we, especially since it was widely rumored that she broke out some Coyote Ugly-style dance moves on the bar. However, when we contacted the Office of the President for further details, the reply was, “No comment.”
Today’s Wall Street Journal features an article in which they asked (threatened with scathing articles?) college presidents to submit a response to one of their own institution’s undergraduate application essay questions. We were delighted to see that our very own Amy Gutmann was chosen and was somehow coerced into answering the infamous “Page 217 of your 300 page autobiography” question. We were not delighted to see that her response was bo-ring.
Maybe it’s just that we had to had to struggle to actually come up with a decent piece of fiction (or else predict an untimely death), but we’re pretty sure that writing about something that’s already happened is a major cop out. In 564 words, Amy G. covers her tenure at Princeton, including “three enduring contributions to moral and political philosophy” along with her appointment to Penn and her creation of the Penn Compact. Since the WSJ insisted that the presidents couldn’t get any help from their PR folks, it seems likely that Leah Popowich didn’t churn this one out, but we’re not sure if the Kelly Writer’s House counts as friends and family. Maybe they could’ve spiced it up a bit? Nevertheless, the autobiography that we really want to read page 217 of is Lee Stetson’s — we’re sure that’ll be juicy.
Read Amy’s essay, after the jump.
For those of you who are not incarcerated in Van Pelt for the next week and a half (we hate you), you can venture to President Gutmann’s Holiday Party tonight. Her socialite assistant, Leah Popowich, sends these details:
President Gutmann’s Holiday Party!
Monday, December 8th, 2008
President’s House, 3812 Walnut Street
Come for great food and a study break!
Don’t forget your Penn ID!