We’ve all been there. It’s 2:15 a.m., and where are you? In the corner of Smoke’s, standing quietly and hoping nobody will notice you’re still alive. “No, it’s okay. I know him,” you say defiantly. Sure you do. After a few minutes of drunken one-sided arguments with your least favorite bartender, you leave, convinced that it was your choice in the first place and no, you will absolutely not be coming back (until tomorrow). You let your feet take you where they will take you. They take you to McDonald’s.
The late night of all late nights, McDonald’s is a place to see and be seen past closing time. You will not be judged, because everyone else looks exactly like you: drunk, desperate and, most of all, hungry as balls. But it’s not all fun, games and barbecue sauce. You have a decision to make–a difficult one. Below you’ll find a breakdown of the messages you’re sending by putting that greasy, delicious (almost) food in your mouth: wanna get laid? Trying to hide a debilitating sauce addiction? Read on.
A Big Mac–You get an A for effort. The Big Mac, otherwise known as the Kingpin of sandwiches (something we just made up), poses a formidable threat to your well-being and will violently destroy your appetite. You’ve got guts, and you just don’t care that you’ll be puking them up in, oh, 20 minutes. Read the rest of this entry »
It was once said (by none other than our BFF B.F.), “Hunger is the best pickle.” It was also he who said, “Time is money.” We’re choosing to interpret this as, “Hey, things change, but basically we like to eat and spend money (but mostly eat). Pickles are tasty.”
With 2011 drawing to a close, we decided to reflect on the year’s best food-related openings, WTF moments and generally awesome occurrences around campus. How many were there? A lot. So many, in fact, that we must warn you before you begin reading: we had to make a list of lists. Please excuse this trite homage to Inception, and focus instead on the following drool-worthy remembrances:
New Noms On The Block
Food Trucks, Fancified– With the entrance of intellects-turned-health nuts Chez Yasmine and locavore-centric Pure Fare, we can only speculate what 2012 will mean for the future of our favorite mobile meals (Reservations required? Black-tie optional? Real silverware? JK, ha ha, not a chance). Read the rest of this entry »
Rush, new classes, return of abroad kids– these are some of the positives most people think of in relation to this semester. However, one particularly important shift has been sorely overlooked in Penn culture as of late: the introduction of the 50-piece McNugget. While this may only be a fleeting Superbowl promotion (as it has been in the past), we welcome this addition to our lifestyle for however long it may stay.
In celebration of this cultural development, we have decided to walk you through this experience in our very own Dispatches (you know, like the Street ones): The 50 Piece Chicken McNuggets.
7:01 p.m.: 50 McNuggets purchased. Why don’t they come in a giant bucket? Ten little boxes is so disappointing, although we’re glad they’re mislabeled “Chicken Selects.” Maybe people will underestimate our caloric intake. Noted that it is only $3 more than a 10-piece meal with fries and a Coke. Read the rest of this entry »