Although the school year’s over, summer session classes are in session, which means an abridged version of Street is officially on newsstands. For the outdoors-inclined, check out the feature on camping in the fine state of New Jersey. Or, if you’re feeling old as another year goes by, read about Green Day’s 40-year-old members (and other summer music). But “If Life Gives You Lemons,” learn how you can rock a screenprinted bag or t-shirt. And, Street is once again obsessed with sign language!
Shut up. Shut up. You had us at [sign language hello]. Today, 34th Street endeavors to communicate with you beyond our usual prose stylings. In our cover story, read about the American Sign Language program, which is mos def and mos deaf one of Penn’s most vital. Insiders’ tip: the signs on the cover of the magazine (and at right) spell out STREET! Now you can spell out other words using the letters S, T, R, and E, like REST or STRESS. But hahaha, rest and stress are irrelevant for the next four days, ’cause it’s Fling! ‘Tis the day before fling, in fact, as our editor’s letter expresses in verse. We’ve also got a comedic faceoff in Ego, an ode to Ashlee “yes, you’re that obvious” Simpson (post 7th Heaven, pre Mrs. Wentz), a Fling weekend culinary primer, and ever so much more. So pick up the magazine, goshdarnit!
And don’t forget about our writers’ meeting tonight, 6:30 at 4015 Walnut. You are allowed — nay, encouraged — to show up drunk.
Oh happy day, it’s finally Thursday! That means Grey’s Anatomy is on tonight (and screw you, it’s still a good show), but as for something with more universal appeal, ohmygodyayyyyy there’s a new issue of Street! Read all about Penn’s seedy underbelly of bathtub gin and Great Gatsby parties in this week’s feature. And not to get totally anachronistic on you, but you know what else we wish we could go back in time to? The year 1995, so we could blast some No Doubt, blissfully unaware of the B-A-N-A-N-A-S future that would unfold for Gwen Stefani. Sigh. We would also like to reread all of Louis Sachar’s oeuvre and adapt it into a screenplay involving sideways arithmetic, which, according to the Film section, is a brilliant idea. We’d wash it down with a Koch’s sandwich, and hey, there actually isn’t much of a market for brewing moonshine in this day and age — is Koch’s hiring? No? What sort of an objective statement might a superhero put on his or her resume? Thanks to Guides, we feel totally equipped to save humanity. Orrrr we could get hopped up on moonshine and watch Power Rangers clips on YouTube, which Lowbrow seems to endorse.
To get into tonight’s speakeasy/writers’ meeting, don’t forget the secret knock, which may or may not be the security code that gets you into the DP office at 4015 Walnut. Happy hour begins at 6:30, and we’ll be leaving the door open for Elijah, so if some new writers sneak in, that’s cool too. Also, send us some freaking shoutouts.
Today UTB stands not only for “UnderTheButton (dot com!)” but also “U The Best,” because, well, you’re the best. And Street’s the best. And you know what else is the best? Our annual Best of Penn issue. You voted, and the results are in: Millcreek’s the best place to while away your Mondays, Keith Niedermeier’s the best when you’re hot for teacher, Allegro’s is the best spot when it comes to hitting the spot, and if you want to know what else is the best, you’ll just have to read the whole list.
Blog bonus: throughout the day, we’ll be flashing back to some of our favorite Best Ofs of yesteryear. Along with our regularly scheduled gossipmongering, of course!
Want to spend your evening with the superlative bestowers themselves? You can find us, as ever, at the Street writers’ meeting at 6:30, 4015 Walnut St. Newbies are welcome and so are regulars–make new friends, but keep the old; one is silver but both are the best, or so we’re told.
Johnny Depp has a tattoo that says “Wino Forever,” a relic of his failed relationship with Winona Ryder and the subsequent excruciating pain inflicted by removing an N and an A. We always thought it was unfortunate that Depp couldn’t man up and get the O nixed too, because “Win Forever” makes slightly more sense than his current message. You can’t count on Winona, you can’t even count on wino, so what can you count on, aside from death and taxes? The answer is Street. 34th Street is there for you every week, through thick and thin. Street will never break up with you and render your tattoo obsolete. Street will, however, continue to provide scintillating content every week, like this week’s feature on South Street’s famous tattoo culture, our food editors’ trusted opinion on the new cafe Lovers and Madmen, a guide to Philly’s best spots for dancing, a nostalgia-inducing tale of mini-golf, a nursery rhyme about why you shouldn’t pull a Juno, and lots more. Show off your tats, piercings, and body mutilations/illustrations at our writers’ meeting tonight: 6:30, 4015 Walnut St.
It’s been a long two weeks without Street in our lives, but thank goodness, now it’s back, and we’re so happy we can hardly stand it. The cover story delves into those crazy mosaics that dot South Street, along with the man who created them. Ego introduces us to Bob Goldman, a cyclist who has “an entire dresser filled with nothing but spandex in just about every color.” Music comes down with a case of O(TB)CD, condition brought on by Off The Beat obsession. Food & Drink reviews Local 44, which results in 34 on 44, both of which are numbers we approve of. Finally, Lowbrow offers an answer to your burning question: Which Penn Alum Are You…In Bed? Yes, all that and so much more can be found in today’s issue. So pick it up! And stop by our writers’ meeting at 6:30 tonight, 4015 Walnut Street.
As one of the twentieth century’s great intellectuals once said, “Monday, one day. Tuesday, two day. Wednesday, when? Huh? What day? Thursday!” Yes, Thursday is the day of days, for it is when new issues of 34th Street arrive and your life improves by a factor of 34. The stakes are high with today’s issue, because the cover story is about gambling. Put on your poker face and/or your reading glasses and have a look. Also a safe bet? Ego’s got roller (derby) rage, Food & Drink reviews Chifa, Guides jet-sets to Gay Paree, and Lowbrow is a hymn to foxy boxing (or maybe just foxy boxes). Plus lots, lots more!
Join us for our writers’ meeting tonight, 6:30 at the DP office, 4015 Walnut St. Come early (at 6) to learn about blogging for this very blog. You got to be in it to win it!
This is your UTB Editor speaking. We have reached our cruising altitude of Thursday morning and will be turning off the fasten seatbelt signs shortly. On behalf of 34th Street, our staff would like to welcome you to our new issue, and would encourage you to peruse it at your leisure. Please note that this week marks a historic occasion in Street history, as the word “street” makes an appearance not once, but twice, on our cover! (And see if you can spot all the hidden squirrels too.)
Jokes aside, this week we bring you a serious piece confronting our city’s problem of homelessness, thoughtful, well-written, and just waiting to be read by you. Also on tap are an inside account of a Vagina Monologue dream deferred, a Penn Parli-style take on Slumdog Millionaire’s Oscar chances, a Quizzo playbook for those of you that get drunk on trivia, a gchat that hits the spot, and ever so much more. Pick up your copy, and join us for our mile high club/writers meeting tonight, 6:30 at the DP office, 4015 Walnut St.
As usual, 34th Street is here to brighten up your Thursday, and this time, it’s got jazz hands! Rouge your knees, roll your stockings down and pick up the magazine to read about a local jam session’s last gasps. But wait, there’s more! Blues may be depressing (or at least bluesy), but on the whole, Street advocates love: loving your ladyparts, like our Ego(s) of the Week do, loving Ben & Jerry when your boyf is non-existent, loving the memory of yourself listening to emo unironically, and loving legos, because K’NEX just weren’t as versatile. Be our valentine? Come to tonight’s lonely hearts club/writers’ meeting, 6:30 at 4015 Walnut St. Writers new and old are welcome. See you there. (Jazz hands!)
It’s back! We missed it more than Lost, more than our friends who were abroad, more than non-freezing temperatures: 34th Street! In today’s issue, we’re spirited away to the Class of 1923 Arena, where Penn has…a hockey team? Say what? It’s true, we have a hockey team! And Emilio Estevez is their coach! And a young Joshua Jackson is team captain! Someone should really write a movie about this rag-tag group of kids…
Elsewhere in the issue, we’ve got a recipe for Chili (because it’s effing chilly), a handy dandy laundry guide, a round-up of music to look out for in ‘09, and a helluva lot more! Get your issue! Get it now! It will keep you warm–newsprint makes wonderful insulation. And come to our writers’ meeting tonight, 6:30 at 4015 Walnut.
GOOOOOOAL!
We are saddened to report that today’s issue of Street (the joke issue!) is the last one of the semester. But luckily it’s a good one! Contrary to what some people with poor reading comprehension skills think, Street is not a joke every week — it is funny, yes, but our interviews, reviews, and features are all REAL. Except for this week. Ahem. So now that we’ve gotten that out of the way, feast your eyes on Street U., our state school alter ego.
Inside, you’ll find the eagerly anticipated Cultural Elite ‘08, a list of seniors whose reputations precede them…a fashion guide to get you through the big game…an interview with our hero Dave Matthews…a guide to Street U. for prospective students…a class registration tip sheet…and much more!
Tonight’s “writers’ meeting” will be held at Smoke’s — meet at the Street office (4015 Walnut) at 6:30 and we’ll head there together. And don’t worry, we’ll still be blogging off and on through finals.
Greetings from Van Pelt, where we have hunkered down to wait out this dark rainy abyss of a Thursday. The only thing keeping us going is the new issue of Street, which conveniently has Smoke’s right on the cover. Let’s take a peek inside, shall we?
The centerfold, if you will, is the aforementioned valentine to Smoke[y Joe]’s, which is a much better Pennstitution than the econ screem or whatever, if you ask us. Next up, the Highbrow section brings us a dispatch from Penn’s Brown-town, also known as the South Asian community. Consider your cross-cultural analysis requirement fulfilled! Over in the film section, we learn that, in addition to Beyonce, Michael Gold also has a special place in his heart for Newsies. And Lowbrow caps off the issue with a delightful recounting of Amelia Bedelia-Cohen’s adventures at Penn. Hooray! And don’t forget about our writers’ meeting tonight, for magaziners and bloggers alike–6:30 at 4015 Walnut.
Remember the part in Clueless when Cher and Dionne are washing the dye out of Tai’s hair and picking out new clothes for her and stuff? The makeover scene! This week, Street is fashion-themed (with nary an Ugg in sight, we’d like to note). Here’s what you have to look forward to:
The aforementioned fashion story is front and center, then we have UTB’s very own Carlin Adelson in print, bigs ups! And is it just us, or is this week’s Ego of Week duo even more attractive than usual? (Does that make us The-hoes?) And look, a super-classy cheese tasting! All that, a bag of chips, and more–it this week’s issue! Writers’ meeting tonight at 6:30, you know the deal.
Darkness falls across the land, the midnite hour is close at hand, etcetera etcetera…Happy almost Halloween! As we were googling “Vincent Price” just now, we totally realized, and pardon us if this was obvious to everyone already, that “Disturbia” is a modern update of “Thriller”! Just like how “Love Don’t Cost a Thing” is an update of “Can’t Buy Me Love.” (And we’re talking about the Nick Cannon/Patrick Dempsey movies, not the songs, FYI). It’s really all coming together today! And hey, it’s Thursday, that means there’s a new issue of Street to read!
Containing a jaunt through our local haunted prison, a hymn to the tide-to-go pen, a guide to gum, and so much more! See you all at our writers’ meeting tonight (4015 Walnut, 6:30 p.m., costumes optionional).
It is Thursday, and by the transitive property, that means there’s a new issue of Street for you to lovingly peruse:
Pick it up to read about our political bloggers-in-arms, how you can translate current events into topical Halloween costumes, whether Distrito is worth your dinero, Mask & Wig’s new show, and more!
Writers’ meeting tonight, 6:30 at 4015 Walnut Street–see you there?
Although the school year’s over, summer session classes are in session, which means an abridged version of Street is officially on newsstands. For the outdoors-inclined, check out the feature on camping in the fine state of New Jersey. Or, if you’re feeling old as another year goes by, read about Green Day’s 40-year-old members (and other summer music). But “If Life Gives You Lemons,” learn how you can rock a screenprinted bag or t-shirt. And, Street is once again obsessed with sign language!