At 7:25 a.m. this morning in Punxsutawney, Pa., Groundhog Phil saw his shadow, predicting six more weeks of winter. At 7:25 a.m. this morning in Punxsutawney, Pa., Groundhog Phil saw his shadow, predicting six more weeks of winter. (See what we did there?) Well, Dr. Phil isn’t the only one who can make predictions. The editors of UTB have joined forces to bring you their own forecasts for the rest of the year.
New sorority biddies will emerge to see the shadows of their former selves that they’ve left behind.
White Dog Cafe will be the next foodspot to poof, while Beijing will miraculously stay open forever, despite contributing to 14 of the Freshman 15 with just one helping of Lo Mein.
Seniors who have locked themselves away for years in Van Pelt will emerge to see the light of day, also known as Feb Club.
Earlier this month, we brought you the story about a petition going around the Board of Trustees aiming to change Penn’s name following the Penn State coach scandal that blew up in November.
While this petition is likely to go nowhere, it looks like some people are still rehashing this same old subject but from the other angle. In this Fox News article published yesterday, the author claims that in order to maintain the integrity of the school, it is Penn State that should change its name following the scandal.
The article bases its claim in marketing and branding strategies, noting that although this shift is admittedly radical, it would ensure a new, clean slate for the school and its future. Hmm… Last we checked, that’s not how the internet works.
Maybe you’ve heard that there’s a mass movement couple of people circulating a petition to change Penn’s name in light of the Penn State scandal and, we guess, our general feeling of inferiority from such a plain name. But you probably haven’t heard the naming alternatives being whispered in only the most powerful of circles. Here’s our exclusive scoop on the shortlist of Penns that could be (yeah, we absolutely made these up).
Huntsman University
University City University
THEOP: The Old Penn
#notpennstate University
Harvard
As one commenter wrote, “PENNterest. If it’s gonna be mistaken anyway, side with 2,000% growth! ” (But seriously, when is our Pinterest invite gonna come through)
The “Jewniversity of Pennsylgaysia!” Have you guys heard that one???
If you have any of your own suggestions, do share.
Homegirl is trashing our reputation! The mistake has been corrected on the Times‘ website, but seriously, world, stop confusing us with the brouhaha at Penn State. Maureen Dowd, if you’re reading this, you should apologize to our entire University immediately. Then come give an awesome talk on campus to make up for it.
Update: Per our commenters (always on their A-game!), it appears the end of her column’s still got us confused:
I can only hope that by the time Anthony’s parents work up their nerve to have what they call “the conversation” with him about his fallen idol, St. Joe and the other Penn scoundrels will have been ignominiously cast out of what turns out to be a not-so-Happy Valley.
Update, 1:16 p.m.: The Times finally fully corrected the online version! We’re still mad though.
Sad Story, But We're Still Not Penn State— In case anyone asks about that awful child sex abuse allegations scandal, that happened to a PennState football staffer, not any of ours. Still really sad if it's true, though.
Another case of Penn identity confusion has struck again! This time, Forever 21 has decided to manufacture and sell a Penn shirt in its collection, but they are marketing the shirt as a “Pennsylvania State University Contrast Tee.” You would think Forever 21 knew better than to just do a silly Google Images search.
Now if you buy the shirt, Forever 21 guarantees that you can “be true to your school in this contrast crop tee!” We’re not sure whether you should be true to Penn State or Penn but you can get this baby shipped right to your door for less than $20. With NSO just over a month away, this could be the perfect gift for your favorite PENN15 freshman!
Update: Deep breaths, everybody. The item’s name has been corrected.
Surprise! Our very own Quaker was invited to College Gameday announcer Lee Corso’s birthday party — or at least the scripted version filmed for this Gameday promo. Also on the invite list? Mascots representing a smattering of college football’s most significant programs: Florida’s Albert Gator, Ohio State’s Brutus Buckeye and Texas Tech’s Raider Red, among others. Though we love the Quaker, and can’t wait for the season opener against Lafayette come Saturday, it seems odd that Penn Football was included in this rather exclusive fiesta. Perhaps this is the first time that being mistaken for Penn State has ever worked in our favor?
Our relationship with Penn’s newest watering hole, The Blockley Pourhouse, has been rocky, at best, from the get-go. At first we were totally excited! Excited in that about-to-go-see-a-horror-movie-that-will-haunt-your-dreams-forever type way, but excited, nonetheless. Then, upon checking the ex-asylum, ex-almshouse out, we were unpleasantly surprised.
The roller-coaster ride of emotions that is The Blockley continues, as we enter a state of confusion and mild dismay. FooBooz reports:
During all Penn State games (first game is September 5th vs the Akron Zips) the Blockley will offer all you can eat wings, corn dogs, fries and onion rings for $10. There are also some beer deals but they don’t come up to the minimum quality requirements to be mentioned on Foobooz.
At first we thought that this was a UPenn/Penn State mix-up, but we were mistaken. Turns out the owners (or could it be the ghosts of Blockley residents of yore?) are just Nittany Lion fans! Sure, we careabout Penn football these days, and yes, we are perturbed by the decision to root for Penn State football on UPenn’s campus, but we aren’t going to let something as silly as school spirit or Quaker loyalty get in the way of a good old fashioned drink special and a plate of free food, are we? Just make sure to leave the “Not Penn State” apparel at home. Maybe permanently?
Princeton Review has released its annual ranking of the country’s top party schools. And this year, our sort-of-rivals from Penn State top the list. Congrats to the Nittany Lions (and to our friends at Onward State) for this enviable honor. Not shockingly, no Ivies made the list.
At 7:25 a.m. this morning in Punxsutawney, Pa., Groundhog Phil saw his shadow, predicting six more weeks of winter. At 7:25 a.m. this morning in Punxsutawney, Pa., Groundhog Phil saw his shadow, predicting six more weeks of winter. (See what we did there?) Well, Dr. Phil isn’t the only one who can make predictions. The editors of UTB have joined forces to bring you their own forecasts for the rest of the year.
Our relationship with Penn’s newest watering hole, The Blockley Pourhouse, has been rocky, at best, from the get-go. At first 
Princeton Review has released its 