FeaturesDecember 10, 2013 at 8:38 pm

A Finals-Time Poem


’Twas the night before finals and all throughout Penn,
There was nobody raging or peeing on Ben.
All the Quakers were studious, cramming their brains,
And feeling that 9th latte surge through their veins.

The textbooks cracked open, the laptops plugged in,
Big Nalgene of water, smaller Nalgene of gin,
There was coughing and sniffling, and vibrating phones,
And from first floor computers some sexual moans.

When all of a sudden, there came such a CRASH,
That it knocked down the towers of coffee-cup trash.
All the students were startled, and rose from their seats,
And x-ed out their PDF downloads of Keats,

And x-ed out of Orgo, Accounting and Stats
Or more realistically, cute pics of cats
And crowded ‘round College Hall, eyes filled with wonder,
To see what had caused such a marvelous thunder.

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Locust FlaikusNovember 21, 2013 at 1:54 pm

Locust Flaikus

Locust FlaikusAfter years of agonizing research, we’ve finally solved Ego’s perennial question.  In a shocking twist of fate, scientists have confirmed that there are three kinds of people at Penn—those who love flyers, those who hate flyers, and those who have an unstoppable urge to write haikus about flyers.  We are in the latter camp.

We know what you’re thinking—enough scholarly discourse, bring on the poetry! Ok, ok, we’ll indulge you just this once.

Penn Singers Presents: Thoroughly Modern Millie

We tried out for this.
They cast us as a coat rack.
Come see our debut!

Penny Loafers Fall Show: Abercrombeat and Pitch

We lold at the theme.
The show is close to Chilis.

Off the Beat Presents: Technicolor

Sceney aca group.
Singing J.T.  Well be there.

Arts House Dance Company and Penn Masala Present: Flappers and Falsettos

Already sold out
Aca-dance group love baby
Hear our falsetto.

The Excelano Project Presents: Raindance

The best poetry
Except for one fatal flaw,
No Locust Flaikus.

NewsOctober 4, 2013 at 6:45 pm

Once Upon A Friday: A Squirrel Tale


Once upon a Friday, there was a squirrel named Jack.
Sure, he looks cute ‘n’ friendly, but really he’s ’bout to attack.

Ahem, we’re talkin’ evil squirrel, the kind that invades your space—
The kind that gets all up in your business, right in front of your Penn Dad’s face.

Sure, PD, you’re smiling now, but wait till that thing leaps back.
Though family weekend’s started, let’s hope you didn’t already unpack.

It’s not that close to Halloween yet, but the witnesses look on, in fear.
Meanwhile, this unsuspecting Quaker should probably watch out for his left ear.

Ah alas, when squirrels get touchy and push comes to shove,
Maybe what we oughtta just show them more love. 

NewsJune 22, 2012 at 10:47 am

Do Not Go Gentle Into That Gchat

Gchat, arguably the most legitimate of all instant messaging services, gets even more dynamic this week.  Huffington Post recently featured Penn professor Michelle Taransky’s Gchat poetry as part of their Reading Series.  Taransky’s “Sorry Was In The Woods” is an excerpt from her forthcoming book and subsequently makes us feel self-conscious for not even including vowels in our Gchats. Sry.

While we don’t have the attention span time to write our own full-fledged Gchat poem, we came up with a special haiku for the occasion:

Thank you, O Gchat

Workday accelerator

Plus emoticons

Have any Gchat gems?  Let us know in the comments.  It’s Friday, and we all need something to read.

NewsDecember 22, 2011 at 4:06 pm

Speaking Miles A Minute

College junior and spoken-word-ist Miles Hodges just dropped the video for his poem “Harlem,” a tribute to the New York City neighborhood and the black community that calls it home.
For more videos and poetry, check out The Striver’s Row, an agency named for the famous block of Harlem houses, currently representing Hodges as well as Alysia Harris C’10 and fan favorite Josh Bennett C’10.

NewsNovember 10, 2011 at 3:27 pm

Flyers on Flyers. And Poetry

Every student group is itching to host you at their downtown-fall-concert-chat-performance-fest. And we’ve collected the best of today’s Locust Walk flyers! Based on our findings – drum roll, please – we haiku.

Close Encounterparts
Oops, we don’t know what that means.
Nuit Blanche. MODEL LOVE

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Featuresand  NewsApril 13, 2011 at 9:39 am

Haikus About Fling Facebook Events

Without further ado, we present to you some really deep poetry that’s also a social calendar.

Beta does Wale
Oz and Tabard at Recess
EuroPenn and dates.

Water bottles. Towne.
Castle, Palmer, or Fiso?
Late nights all around.

It’s Friday, Friday
Gotta get down on Friday
We so excited.

Latin barbecue.
Shows are all up in the Quad.
Theos “hosts” Dayglow.

Dead Poets Society — In case you missed Lowbrow's original poetry last Thursday, you can catch up on it here. Free lube from Planned Parenthood has never looked so good.
NewsMarch 16, 2011 at 12:22 pm

Rugby Ralph Lauren + Poetry Contest = Hey, Josh Bennett

A few questions. One: why is Rugby Ralph Lauren having a poetry contest? Two: does Ralph Lauren, Rugby, or the combination thereof have ANYTHING to do with poetry? Three: how does 2010 alum Josh Bennett look so fly in his glam shot as a Rugby Ralph Lauren featured poet? Wait, we know the answer to that one. It’s because he is so fly.

Check out his poem “Chariot” after the jump, and continue to ponder what on earth is going on here.

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CampusMarch 15, 2010 at 2:40 pm

Penn Alum Explores Congressional Territory

After the last Penn alum with political hopes decided to step out of contention, we were feeling a litlle down. Luckily, Wes Mullen (C’04) stepped up to the plate.

Mullen is “exploring” a run for Congress in Connecticut’s 2nd District, the home of shady-dealings Senator Chris Dodd. Although Mullen’s website is “under construction,” his side-part perfect hair and Harvey Dent-esque cleft chin convince us he’s a winner. But, if you’re itching to hear what he young Republican has to say, his Facebook page tells us about his life saga/longing to bring conservative leadership to the C-T.

As an undergrad at Penn, Mullen won first place in a creative writing competition for his poetry. He seems to be channelling some of that artistic energy into his campaign. According to his Facebook, “A new wind is blowing.” We’re just hoping that wind doesn’t blow near Philly. It’s nothing personal, Wes, we’re just really looking forward to spring. As a tribute to our very own poet-turned-could be politician, we came up with a little limerick for good ol’ Wes:

A new wind was a-blowin’ in the air
Could it be the draft from a certain express?
Nay–just a Penn alum with great hair
Looking to get some coverage in the press
And when the conservatives were lookin’ sullen
They found an answer in their man–Mullen!