NewsSeptember 13, 2013 at 3:55 pm

Penn Man Poops, Flees

mr-hankey-howdy-hoAs you may have noticed, our tip box is back in action as of today! As if on cue, we received a delicious tip about some late-night poopin’ outside the TEP house.

According to the tipster, a (very inebriated) Penn kid was spotted droppin’ trou and lettin’ loose in the bushes in the wee hours this morning near 39th and Spruce. Once apprehended, the fearless fecal felon sprinted away into the night shouting “I’m OK!” Of course you are, friend. Exhibitionism is in the air; Merry Tipmas, everyone!

FeaturesMay 2, 2012 at 12:46 pm

Things That Are Worse Than Finals III

It’s day 3 of finals and you’re smacking  yourself for not doing the reading in any of your classes. Suddenly, Psych, Marketing and Environmental Science don’t seem like “all common sense” anymore.

Next semester’s gonna be totally different, you tell yourself. And you’re even gonna take notes! In a real, live notebook! Designed by Lisa Frank.

While this promise will probably be kept about as well as the time you swore off Greek Lady for a week, we want to believe you. And in the spirit of this uplifting trust,we bring you the third installment of this optimistic feature. (Parts 1 and 2 can also be found after the jump.) Update: All the links work properly now! Sorry for the confusion.
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NewsJanuary 23, 2012 at 7:40 pm

Penn Prof Talks Dirty To New York Times

No, not that kind of dirty, ya PERV. Paul Rozin, a psychologist and emeritus professor here at Penn was featured in an article in today’s New York Times for his expertise regarding the evolution of disgust as an emotional response.

According to the article, disgust, which up until recently was not fully understood from a psychological perspective, is one of the most universally elicited emotions–more so than anger and even fear. Initially, disgust evolved so we would avoid putting dirty things in our mouths (as if that’s ever stopped anyone). Rozin and his colleagues conducted research to elaborate this hypothesis, finding that another reason disgust exists is to separate ourselves from animals–which explains why we (well, some of us) find behaviors like pooping, dying and sex super icky.

The rest of the article reflects on the immunological response to disgust and how it’s used to promote cleanliness in advertising. Yay, science! Yay, Penn! And most of all: YAY, POOP.

FeaturesDecember 26, 2011 at 11:40 am

Best Of 2011: Guides To Life At Penn

2011 was a great year, wasn’t it? Remember all those fun times we had together? You know, besides all those nights at Smoke’s and Blarney and frat parties and downtowns and initiations and BYOs and, and…wait, those all made it kind of hard to remember much, didn’t they? But it was a great year, we promise! So before we head into 2012, we’re taking a look back to remind you of some of the greatest the year had to offer before the world is ravaged by flames and tsunamis and other silly catastrophes. First up: the year’s best guides to life as a Quaker.

Punch Cards At Penn

There are so (so, so) many free coffees, sandwiches, bagels, froyos, and salads to be had around campus. This comprehensive guide features every way to get your gratis grub on. Read the rest of this entry »

FeaturesDecember 14, 2011 at 9:17 am

Out Of The Button

Let’s get down to business: everyone poops. Most poops are average. Unremarkable. Sometimes you take amazing poops that overwhelm you with such relief you enter a momentary state of bliss. And then…there’s awful poops. Ones that make you curse yourself for eating at Chipotle. For the third time this week. Or maybe it was those two venti coffees you had this morning. Sometimes it’s hard to figure out what foods actually caused those toilet travesties, so we’ve developed Out Of The Button: The Definitive Guide To Sourcing Your Poops to Penn Campus Eateries. Just match your poop to the pictures below and develop a roadmap of places never to frequent without a bottle of Pepto Bismol. Let’s get crackin’.

Kiwi: If you’re a froyo pro, every cup is a perfectly swirled work of art. And life imitates art, right?

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NewsOctober 19, 2011 at 11:22 am

Robot Watch: The Poop Scoop

Tired of coming home to mysterious poops all over your floor with no one to clean them up? Sick of frolicking in your backyard only to find your dog’s poop scattered ’round the lawn?

Scoop your troubles away with the brand new poop-scooping robot! Penn’s GRASP Lab, the makers of death-defying flying robots and robots that play soccer, introduces the newest in its line of haptic interface applications. Ben Cohen and his colleagues successfully programmed the PR2 robot into a deluxe waste removal agent capable of handling the most offensive of poops. Read the rest of this entry »

Election WatchMarch 29, 2011 at 7:46 pm

….And Then Things Got A Little Weird

With election season in full swing, it’s no surprise that tensions are running high amongst candidates. Thankfully, perennial stud-gov celeb Jake Shuster and n00b Kate Ham have both taken the “I’m-gonna-make-you-laugh-uncomfortably” road when it comes to campaigning to get us into the voting spirit. We prefer Jake’s bold lack of pants over Kate’s unfortunate pun. What do you think?

Which is weirder?

View Results

NewsFebruary 22, 2011 at 3:33 pm

Poo-t Gingrich

As you’re well aware, former Speaker of the House Newt Gingrich will be coming to Penn later today to give a talk and participate in a rousing Q&A session. While most would view this opportunity as an exciting way to engage with a politician, some have taken it to be an excuse to (quite literally) shit all over the event. Check out more childish bathroom antics after the jump.

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34th Street MagazineFebruary 3, 2011 at 9:18 am

Street Presents: The Chocolate Godfather

In case you missed all the fun we had to bring you this week online, Street’s back in print to share some words of wisdom… kinda.

Our centerfold showcases Rene from RIM Cafe who makes chocolate when he’s drunk. FYI that means he’s our hero. Music brings us one of our favorite features, Pro/ Con-Ye about our love–to–hate rap star, Kanye West. Which side are you on?

It’s also Super Bowl time so Food & Drink takes you on a hunt to find the best nachos in town. Here’s a hint, a Stephen Starr joint wins. Duh. Film sets up its own kind of bracket with sports movies (Rudy! Rudy! Rudy!).

But Arts brings us back close to home with a spotlight on a student artist. She’s bomb. Don’t worry though, there’s still gossip, gossip, gossip.

Oh, and Lowbrow’s baby takes a dump.

NewsDecember 15, 2010 at 10:23 pm

Someone Gets Their Shit Done In Van Pelt…Literally

A tipster sent us this emotionally scarring photo from the 4th floor girls bathroom of Van Pelt. Looks like someone may have Rosenpartied a little too hard and forgot where the toilet was.