NewsJanuary 17, 2012 at 10:12 am

No, No, Penn Popo

If you look really hard at the 224,675 pixels above this text and use the power of your ~imagination~, you can just barely make out a police car speeding along on important police business. Did we mention that it’s driving east along Irving? So…that car is driving the wrong way on a one-way street. Which is illegal. “Oh, the irony,” says Captain Obvious.

CampusSeptember 13, 2011 at 1:57 pm

All’s Fair In Love And Safety

What are you doing this hump day from 12-2 p.m.? If your response was, ‘what is class, Alex?‘ you can go away (but props on that delivery). If, on the other hand, your response was something along the lines of, ‘um…’ then keep reading! You are the millionth visitor and have won $999,999!!!

Okay, not really. But if your Wednesday load isn’t too offensive, Penn’s Division of Public Safety, together with the House deans and staff, are hosting a Safety Fair, in which you will be provided with:

“…general information and tips, detailed information about on-campus┬ásafety services, snacks, safety literature and give-a-ways.”

The Fair will be held in three locations: Upper Quad, Hill Field and the field at 40th and Locust. Snacks, guys! Give-a-ways (rape whistles?)! We just hope they won’t be showing this on widescreen.

NewsJuly 19, 2011 at 9:56 am

Click It Or Ticket

Philly is ridding its streets of… cellphones? Everyone is freaking out over a new program condescendingly-titled “Give Respect, Get Respect.” Basically: you can get a citation for texting while walking. Or, as it stands at Penn, breathing. It’s cool that the program also targets “bad behavior by motorists and bicyclists,” but the texting thing can cost offenders fines up to $120!

We know, this all sounds like a joke, but the program is real, and the national government is picking up the tab! Starting in August, “more citations will be issued” as grants cover increased patrols for the remainder of the summer. Philly officials are also trying to extend their “increased enforcement” for 40 more weeks.

We still have a lot of questions. Will you be fined if you’re BBMing or emailing while walking? What if you’re texting without looking at your phone? What if you’re running? Hopefully, this “enforcement” will be as effective as other safety endeavors.

Update (11:03 am): ABC Local says it isn’t true. So does Michael Nutter. Uh, what is going on?

NewsApril 28, 2011 at 5:37 pm

Hey Day Was Wet

Most juniors stayed clean during Hey Day yesterday but these spunky souls (who are you?!) took the plunge to clean themselves off in the Schuylkill River after the festivities. We’re told the police showed up but that didn’t stop these newly crowned seniors from probably catching a disease.