If you haven’t been reading The DP as devotedly as you do during the school year, you may have missed that the former Director of Recreation at Pottruck, Amy Wagner, was arrested and charged with 24 counts of theft and forgery
, among other offenses. Wagner was arrested in May but appeared in court yesterday.
An anonymous University staff member told the DP that Wagner’s thefts, which occurred over a three-year period, ranged from selling stolen gym equipment on eBay to emptying the wallets people left in gym lockers. Wagner was handcuffed and escorted out of Pottruck in the middle of the day by police.
We have many questions. Stealing gym equipment is difficult, right? The anonymous source said it was unclear how Wagner was transporting the items. Could she have been helped? Is one person capable of pulling off such an elaborate heist for such an extended amount of time? How deep does this conspiracy go? We didn’t come to an Ivy League school to have our state-of-the-art gym equipment get stolen right before our eyes! Is there a lot of money in black market treadmills? Could selling our parents’ old exercise bike make up for the fact that we made no money this summer?
Finally, no DP-article-summary is complete without a look at the comments. The comment section of this piece is especially rich, the best of which is a discussion about whether Penn or Temple has produced more criminals. It’s nice to know that, while treadmills will apparently come and go, people’s passion for writing uninformed and poorly-written personal attacks online will be with us forever.
While our New Year’s resolution to “work out” eventually succumbed to our laziness, it’s good to see others are still motivated. Over at Pottruck, this Penn Zumba instructor recently Facebook tagged all of her students to let them she wasn’t coming to class because of her roadside “expulsion of food”. Though the details may be bit, uh gross, we cannot help but love the sense of Penn Zumba community. What else might they be up to together? Zumba BYOs followed by hilarious drunk texting in their GroupMe? Penn Zumba formals? We’ll stick to guessing since we ain’t walking all the way to Pottruck to find out.
FREE Pottruck Classes--
Pottruck's hosting free fitness classes
December 9th through 13th as part of its Stress Relief Week. Clutch. What better way to calm your finals freakout than to get your downward-facing dog on?
A ‘Welcome Back’ gift to hundreds of tank top clad gals, Penn has decided to give Pottruck a full body makeover! (Cue chorus of high pitched shrieks) Floors one, two, and three will sport a new layout with machines equipped with all the implants you could want.
Now you can watch some cable TV, plug in your own IAnything, and even simulate outdoor exercise (kind of sad isn’t it?), all from the way hotter version of our old favorite. The first floor is already showing off its new swag, with floors two and three getting ready for their big reveal. To get the full dish on the new look, check out the DP’s article here.
-- Madame President herself, Amy Gutmann, working out
with the masses at Pottruck. Our tipster informs us A-Gut was glowing post-cardio, rocking purple gym pants and a Penn umbrella! We admire Amy G's commitment to calorie-burning before "stuffing her face" at tonight's holiday study break at her estate
Looks like Will & Kate aren’t the only ones deserving of a “Congratulations!”
Ashley Hebert, Penn Dental grad (we think?) and 2010 Bachelorette, finally wed J.P. Rosenbaum this past Sunday in Pasadena, California. Penn students will remember Ash from her talks last year in Commons and Houston Hall, as well as her hip-hop dance class at Pottruck. Girl’s got MOVES.
UTB’s favorite Ashlorette is only the second Bachelorette to marry the man who received her final rose. ABC will air the wedding ceremony on Dec. 16. While we’re happy for our fellow Quaker, Penn girls everywhere roll their eyes over the poor misfortune of this nice Jewish boy marrying a shiksa. As our grandmothers would say, “THIS IS CHUTZPAH.”
Hey, sports fans! Remember the good ol’ days when you were able to watch 9 straight hours of back-to-back-to-back football games over the weekend and cram all your homework into the commercial breaks? (We still do that, too).
If you didn’t quite catch all of Sunday’s NFL post-game analysis, or someone in Pottruck switched the channel from SportsCenter to Dr. Phil during your morning jog, here’s what you missed: ex-Philly Eagles QB Donovan McNabb gave the Quakers a shoutout.
“I’m gonna go with the Pennsylvania University,” he said. We just checked the alumni directory, and McNabb isn’t a UPenn grad. As for the alumni directory from the Pennsylvania University…well, that’s about as elusive as the former tenants of 36th and Locust.
Oh no! Mere days after the Penn Museum covered Locust in clever signage assuring us that Tis Not The End, a cryptic chalk message on the sidewalk outside Pottruck has a different opinion on the matter. Philadelphia666.com is beautifully designed website featuring sermons addressing the upcoming apocalypse (less than four weeks away!). It’s even based on a prophecy that correctly predicted Dubya and Obama as presidents! Snaps for the College Green preacher for expanding his influence to Walnut Street.
Spotted: Some Audacious Men from an unnamed fraternity performing “Baby Got Back” in front of the giant windows of Pottruck’s first floor cardio center as part of their hazing—er, ceremonial induction into the brotherhood. Dance like nobody’s watching?
That stick figure below “BALLET w/ Joanna” is pretty convincing, and that “modern” “dancer” is close enough we guess, but the tangoing couple just beneath “SOCIAL DANCING”? We ain’t buyin’ it.