Looks like Will & Kate aren’t the only ones deserving of a “Congratulations!”

Ashley Hebert, Penn Dental grad (we think?) and 2010 Bachelorette, finally wed J.P. Rosenbaum this past Sunday in Pasadena, California. Penn students will remember Ash from her talks last year in Commons and Houston Hall, as well as her hip-hop dance class at Pottruck. Girl’s got MOVES.

UTB’s favorite Ashlorette is only the second Bachelorette to marry the man who received her final rose. ABC will air the wedding ceremony on Dec. 16. While we’re happy for our fellow Quaker, Penn girls everywhere roll their eyes over the poor misfortune of this nice Jewish boy marrying a shiksa. As our grandmothers would say, “THIS IS CHUTZPAH.”

Hey, sports fans! Remember the good ol’ days when you were able to watch 9 straight hours of back-to-back-to-back football games over the weekend and cram all your homework into the commercial breaks? (We still do that, too).

If you didn’t quite catch all of Sunday’s NFL post-game analysis, or someone in Pottruck switched the channel from SportsCenter to Dr. Phil during your morning jog, here’s what you missed: ex-Philly Eagles QB Donovan McNabb gave the Quakers a shoutout.

“I’m gonna go with the Pennsylvania University,” he said. We just checked the alumni directory, and McNabb isn’t a UPenn grad. As for the alumni directory from the Pennsylvania University…well, that’s about as elusive as the former tenants of 36th and Locust.

Oh no! Mere days after the Penn Museum covered Locust in clever signage assuring us that Tis Not The End, a cryptic chalk message on the sidewalk outside Pottruck has a different opinion on the matter. Philadelphia666.com is beautifully designed website featuring sermons addressing the upcoming apocalypse (less than four weeks away!). It’s even based on a prophecy that correctly predicted Dubya and Obama as presidents! Snaps for the College Green preacher for expanding his influence to Walnut Street.

Spotted: Some Audacious Men from an unnamed fraternity performing “Baby Got Back” in front of the giant windows of Pottruck’s first floor cardio center as part of their hazing—er, ceremonial induction into the brotherhood. Dance like nobody’s watching?

That stick figure below “BALLET w/ Joanna” is pretty convincing, and that “modern” “dancer” is close enough we guess, but the tangoing couple just beneath “SOCIAL DANCING”? We ain’t buyin’ it.

For all of you video game addicts who realize that adding a bit of exercise to your couch potato routine wouldn’t kill you, consider looking into Fitocracy. Fitocracy, started by Penn alumni Brian Wang (’08) and Dick Talens (’08), uses the same concepts behind video game addiction to get people movin’ and groovin’ to the tune of their own fitness goals.

Don’t buy it? Fitness is more like a video game than you think:

• Seemingly small skills are developed, but only the final outcome determines your success: Did you reach a high score of 600 points or a set of six pack abs?
• Motivation is driven by a single goal: Beefy arms are fundamentally the same as rescuing the Princess from the palace.
• Intensity: If you can feel your thumbs or haven’t hit lactic acid fermentation, you’re doing it wrong.

Are you there, Amy? It’s us, UTB. We only had three days of classes this past week but we’re already knee-deep in work and getting back to our old habits: sleeping in lecture, sleeping in recitation, sleeping on our ellipticals, sleeping during our mid-essay 4th floor Van Pelt poop seshes. It’s just too much! Luckily, we’re planning on spending those precious few moments when we aren’t sleeping or under the influence at a smorgasbord of events! A smorgasbord! Think about that.

Karate Demo Class
Who: Pottruck
When and where: Thursday, 6:45-7:45 p.m.; Pottruck Studio 305
Why: Hiya! Machop! Those were the sounds of us smashing your bedroom door in half. Just kidding! We can hardly separate our chopsticks when we get sushi. But after this free demo we’ll probably be able take you in a fight.

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This sad lil’ guy (number redacted for privacy) was spotted outside of Pottruck at some point yesterday afternoon. Any idea who he might have been intended for? We’re guessing the grand gesture that these were likely a part of didn’t end up going too well. There’s always next year!