At Penn, we are used to being ranked number one and occasionally other numbers. That’s why we shed a tear when we heard that Pennsylvania residents ranked us the second most respected university in the state, along with Carnegie Mellon! C’mon, we were featured in both Jeopardy and the Times’ crossword recently! Doesn’t that mean something?
Alas, Penn State came in at #1, despite 70% of all our small talk clarifying that we don’t go there. Although if we think about it, these findings do make some sense, given the fact that we make shirts like these and are hated by Philly Mag with the passion of a thousand suns. On the bright side, we do have a lot of dopplegangers. Apparently, that’s just the price of popularity.
Every other year, BusinessWeek ranks the top B-schools in the country. Naturally, the Wharton School likes to appear close to the top of that list — they’re currently the #3 in full-time MBA programs. But a email sent out recently to all Wharton seniors reveals just how much the school wants to win:
Just a little passive aggressive, and why shouldn’t they be in all matters of image and status? So, what happened? How did this fall on the backburner of every MGMT TA and FNCE concentration and other acronym-holders? Will Wharton remain on top? Does everyone get kicked out of school if they don’t? We hope not, but if you want to cover your bases, fill out the survey here before this Wednesday.
BuzzFeed’s got one more list to distract us from our studying/snacking and complaining about studying/snacking on Twitter (same thing). But this time it’s not the world’s cutest puppies or creepiest things written on bathroom stalls! It’s a perceptual map of the sexiest, smartest colleges in the country, and Penn kind of kicked the curve’s ass.
So relax. Catch up on Game of Thrones. No one cares about what you got in FNCE 100 when you’re at the hottest school in the country.
Technically, Emma Watson won Brown that #1 title, but she didn’t even graduate so we all know it doesn’t count. Plus, does Hermione have his sweet-as-honey, godsent voice? Nope. It’s all good, Brown. We’ll let you win something.
We’re not surprised, but we’re still filled with the Penn pride that Amy G revels in on a daily basis. Glassdoor has released its list of most popular college presidents, and who is the pièce de résistance? The crème de la crème? The reigning queen bee? A-GUTT!
Madame President received a 100 percent approval rating, tying for first place with the presidents of Yale, University of Maryland and Stanford – all men, none blonde…yawn. The survey asked employees if they approved of how their president was leading, to which the university community undoubtedly performed a choreographed dance number singing Amy’s praises. A-Gutt has truly made Penn the Plastics of college life and it couldn’t be fetcher.
By last count, we’re a little obsessed with numbers: Why did the phone number she gave me last night only have 6 digits? How many dining dollars does Hillel charge? How many sheets of toilet paper does my Rodin roommate use per bathroom visit? (See below to check your answers**).
So we’re a little confused at why we stand in at #24 in our latest ranking. According to Bloomberg Businessweek’s list of America’s Best Cities, Philly–despite being Pennsylvania’s unhealthiest county–is sorta desirable to live in. Apparently, the folks doing the ranking didn’t pay more attention to our nightlife and shopping hotspots.
Upset about our latest slump in the rankings? Grab some comfort food and drink away your sorrows in one of the city’s 3,821 restaurants and 400 bars.
**She thought I asked for her license plate; 2; depends how recently the toilet’s been cleaned.
Or so says the Elite Daily in a recent ranking that also includes Ivies Columbia and Harvard in addition to Philly neighbor Temple listed in the number two spot. Fortunately, we’ve recently learned that Penn is really fashionable, so at least you’ll look very chic when you’re finishing up that affidavit.
The metrics that Elite Daily used look kind of scary, that’s true– but they don’t detail what was left out or the the formula used to complete each ranking. Have these people ever even stepped foot on campus? Probably not, or they would have seen the Penn police riding these things, which always make us feel safe. And how about the fact that Rutgers- Newark is included on the list, but the Camden campus, located in one of the most notoriously crime-filled cities in the country, has been left out? Ridiculous, right?
Elite Daily, stop being so dramatic! Our campus isn’t that bad at all! We’re ranking you as the number one most worst list aggregator on the internet. How does it feel?
Short answer: probably not. Actually, most definitely not. On the one hand, yes, we do have The Walk, but we’re not sure that entitles us to a place within the top ten of Stylitics‘ “Most Stylish Campus in America” campaign. Really, do Longchamp totes and Tory Burch flats classify as stylish any longer? Did they ever?
But as with most internet competitions these days, there’s some sort of weird social media catch to Stylitics‘ rankings. See, with this one, the only way to gain a spot on the leaderboard is to accumulate points by making a profile on the website to gain followers and to share on Facebook and Twitter. Essentially, Penn’s #8 ranking can be chalked up to the number of people who are using the site, which would similarly explain why WVU is beating the Fashion Institute of Technology by 17 places. Fancy that! All things considered, Stylitics, sashay…away.
Number five? An interesting choice. Is Commons actually top five great? Are we all just pretentious food critics at heart? Was Hill really a jail before it was a dining hall?
According to The Daily Meal, Bon Appétit has stepped up its game with its farm-to-fork sustainable food philosophy and gotten us the fifth spot (typical) for food quality out of America’s top universities. That’s right, those funny-looking freezers in Houston filled with even funnier-looking local food got us this honorary ranking – not to mention those savory burgers and salads that you wait 45 minutes to get. Way to go!
For dessert, take a look at the renovations Commons has in store for next year. (We suggest more Photoshopped trendy college kids!)
Dying to know why it takes 7 hours to be seen at HUP? Well, for the third year in a row, University of Wisconsin Population Health Institute and the Robert Wood Johnson Foundation ranked Philly as the least-healthy county in Pennsylvania, as Philly.com reports.
Philadelphia health care experts link this crummy ranking to elevated numbers of smokers, more STI’s, more violence, less access to recreational facilities, and limited access to healthy foods (good thing we have Commons). These experts also link economic standing with health, reflecting the disparity of Philly’s economy.
Lucky Magazine’s latest rank reveals Philadelphia as the 14th best shopping city in the country. From analyzing super – scientific metrics like vacancy rates and Yelp reviews to meditating on the best place to find the perfect shoe, the Lucky editors deem the City of Brotherly Love the 14th most gratifying place to drop some cash on clothes. Plus no sales tax!
uwishunu urges Philadelphians itching to shop to forgo the traditional Rittenhouse locale and instead try Old City’s 3rd Street, Northern Liberties, Chestnut Hill, and even our little University City haven. So the next time you feel like one of the masses shopping for the latest man-sweater at Urban in preparation for a massive snowstorm, remember: It could be worse.