NewsMarch 4, 2014 at 12:30 pm

An Ode To Blackboard

blackboard_mzl_hioozifv-1024x1024We all recently got an email that on May 30th, Blackboard and Penn will officially NO LONGER be in a relationship. To mark the end of an era, we wrote an ode. (As one does.)

O Blackboard, Sweet Blackboard
Thine Purplish tones
Thine failure to function
On cellular phones,

Thine cluttered design,
Those crimson-red tabs,
Course documents, syllabus, blog posts to SABS,

We’ll miss you O Blackboard,
No matter how lame.
Canvas looks a bit cleaner,
But it’s really not the same.

College Sophomore Passes Away -- We are immensely saddened to report the loss of our classmate Elvis Hatcher, who died earlier today. UPDATE: Elvis' death has been ruled a suicide, according to the DP
NewsOctober 28, 2013 at 3:22 pm

Perry The Possum Is Dead, Long Live Perry The Possum

possum4Yeah, he may have been a pest, but that little furry mofugga managed to eat his way into our heart-trash these past couple weeks. News of his death this past weekend has, simply put, shaken us to our core.

Here, a nostalgic look at the bright, sunny days and dark, rabid nights of Sir Perry. It was a tragic timeline that ended in impalement(!). Caution, the following images may cause extremely emotional responses. (Some music to set the mood.)

Read the rest of this entry »

NewsMay 31, 2013 at 12:03 pm

No More Wa(Wahhhhhhh)

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UTB regrets to report a devastating loss to the Penn community. Sadly, the nightly pilgrimage to 38th and Spruce is no more for those lone Quakers still wandering around campus. Not so sadly, the newly renovated Wawa will open in about six weeks and we know what you’re wondering: how is it possible for Wawa to get even better? We’re thinking nacho cheese fountain.

NewsFebruary 13, 2013 at 10:24 am

Alumni Deaths: Latest on Matthew White’s Porn-Fueled Murder

whiteIf you haven’t heard already, 1979 Penn alum Matthew White was tragically stabbed to death by his wife on Monday. The 6’11” White played on the Quakers’ Final Four men’s basketball team, because that was a thing that occurred.

Our friends at the DP have reported new details on the shocking act of violence, including that White was asleep when he was fatally stabbed in the neck by Maria Rey Garcia-Pellon, and that the homicide was not quick and painless. The horrific story has already been picked up by outlets like The Daily Mail and The Huffington Post.

The kicker: his murderous spouse’s explanation is that White was looking at child pornography (unverified) and claimed she “had to do it” because she loves kids. We don’t think that one’s going to hold up in court.

In other news, one of the featured obituaries in this past Sunday’s New York Times was that of Penn alum James DePriest, a legendary orchestral conductor. DePriest, who died on Friday at 76 (of natural causes) Read the rest of this entry »

ShutterButtonJune 20, 2012 at 6:38 pm

ShutterButton: PhiDied

Philly Diner, deceased since October, is now gone from campus for good, and you can tell that we’re upset and/or nostalgic about it because we Instagrammed this photo. Our sources inform us that the building went down not with a bang, but a whimper, and SDTs everywhere collectively shed a single tear over the loss of their last horcrux second home.

We totally called PhiDi’s downfall when it started serving steak, but hey! We’re still pretty shocked. “Where were you when the PhiDied?” future generations will ask.

NewsJanuary 15, 2012 at 3:56 pm

Wine And Spirits On 41st Has Closed For Good

It’s not really all that surprising, considering that the place looked like it was straight out of Cold War-era Russia, but COME ON! It was so convenient! In the past year, the gods/goddesses have taken away the Pronto and the liquor store. What’s next? Our lives, liberties and collective pursuits of happiness? Spring Fling? In the meantime, you’ll have to trek out to 19th and Chestnut or 24th and South to get your booze fix.

RIP Ruth Perelman-- So long, and thanks for the Med school.
NewsJune 13, 2011 at 2:08 pm

Tyson Bee’s Gets KO’d

Following last month’s report that Korean taco vendor Tyson Bee’s would be taking an indefinite hiatus, the incongruously-named food truck has finally called it quits. According to its Facebook page, the “company is going through a transition” and the truck has ceased operations, but they are “working on future plans” and hope to serve again soon. We hope they do, too! But until then, let us have a moment of silence and give thanks for the delicious Korean barbeque-y goodness they provided and pray that another Korean taco truck will immediately swoop in and fill the void.

Update: One of our readers points out that it may be saved after all! City Paper reports that two of the founding partners, responsible for the actual in-truck operations, have left due to disagreements with the other founders. It is still open under the helm of a different crew but it’s unclear whether the truck will keep the name or menu. If you have any info, let us know!

NewsJune 7, 2011 at 10:20 am

Pronto No Mo’?!

For the unlucky patrons of Wegmans supermarkets, at least. The grocery store chain is pulling the plug on the wine kiosks in its 10 locations across Pennsylvania. Apparently customers haven’t been too happy with them and they don’t work, or something, so the automated vendors are getting the axe. What does this mean for our own beloved spirit supplier in FroGro? Will they follow suit and get rid of the wonky vendor, forcing lazy winos to make the trek to 41st and Market to get their fix? The Pennsylvania Liquor Control Board says it will focus on improving the remaining 22 kiosks still in operation (that means ours!). Happy FroGro-goers were spotted using the machine Monday afternoon, and considering customer satisfaction and efficiency are on the bottom of FroGro’s priority list, we remain hopeful that the problematic Pronto is here to stay.

Ed Note: This post was updated to reflect the more accurate information that Wegmans is not responsible for all 32 PA kiosks and only closing ten of them.