After a winter hiatus, our Sports for Chicks columnist Lily Avnet has returned, and this time she’s elucidating the bizarre masculine obsession that is the NCAA tournament.
What ever happened to April showers?
March Madness. Sadly the name doesn’t refer to your wild rende vous with the Devil in ‘Pulco, or Van Pelt fever in the stacks, or even Fling — yep, it refers to that syndrome that strikes but once a year, male PMS. For the next few nights all your gentlemen friends will be consumed (dare I say mad) with college basketball disorder. Symptoms include grouchiness, cramps, and an insatiable desire for chocolate.
With four teams left, get used to the all-consuming obsession with UConn, Villanova, North Carolina and Michigan State (shockingly Penn didn’t make the cut). Will the Final Four be exciting enough to empty out Lippincott? Read the rest of this entry »
Happy Thursday! Sports for Chicks columnist Lily Avnet presents a rental guide to get you through the long, cold weekend.
Through this blog, I’d like to consider myself a walking sports 101 course (unless there is any course lower than 101), but like any large lecture (the internet reaches 2308749857304982034 million people), teaching assistants are always appreciated. However, the wonderful world of Netflicks gurantees that a sports education is just a DVD (or three) away.
Basketball: boom (boom) put it in the hoop like slam (slam)–I know you can all quote Aaron Carter, don’t lie.
-Space Jam (here’s your chance…to get the soundtrack stuck in your head again, cause it only took most of elementary school to put that one to rest)
-White Men Can’t Jump: funny cause it’s true?
Football: since Penn is desperately in need of the experience of a football team
-Remember the Titans: who didn’t tear up in the end, watch how high school football can over come a racially divided town
-Varsity Blues: the origin of the whipped cream bikini (that is of course an offensive formation, right?)
-Friday Night Lights: Enjoy the book, the movie, the television show, and soon to come the clothing line, fragrance, and restaurant chain.
-Rudy: basically The Goonies but instead of a treasure hunt, it’s a quest to play for Notre Dame
-Brian’s Song: TV Movie, with Movie status. Basically The Notebook for guys, if he doesn’t cry in this he is a soulless mutant. Read the rest of this entry »
Because everyone is still rockin’ their red and white gear and drankin’ their Phillies Lattes (Bucks’s raspberry and vanilla treat) here’s a ready-made playlist to aid your Phillies Fever and help you relive the madness of last week:
- I’ve Got The World (Series) On A String- Frank Sinatra
- The World (Series) Is Mine- David Guetta
- The World (Series) Has Turned And Left Me Here- Weezer
- The Man Who Sold The World (Series)- David Bowie
- Midnight In A Perfect World (Series)- DJ Shadow
- The Modern World (Series)-The Jam
- The Whole World (Series)-Outkast
- Around The World (Series)- Daft Punk
- World (Series) Hold On- Bob Sinclair
And of course for the sake of nostalgia (because we all wanted a fairy godmother and a magic carpet)
- Part Of Your World (Series)
- A Whole New World (Series)
Sports for Chicks columnist Lily Avnet is back to elucidate baseball for us. And she’s just in time, because the Phillies seem to have found themselves in the World Series for the first time in 15 years. Uh…explain please?
If you’ve turned on the news in the past few days, in between the sinking economy and Palin’s abuse of Alaskan government, you may have heard reports of several baseball games. This is because the World Series is fast-approaching. (Note: this title is highly misleading as it only involves America, not the whole world, shocking I know.) The Phillies just knocked out the Dodgers, while the Red Sox have taken on the Rays. Meaning all your friends who follow baseball from Philly, Boston, L.A, and Florida are extremely tense and/or excited right now. So when that guy from down the hall exclaims that Coco Crisp got to third base, he isn’t talking about hooking up. Translation? Red Sox player Crisp has, through the use of his brute strength, sent an 80 m.p.h. ball to the out field and sprinted to the third plate. Read the rest of this entry »
Last week, Lily Avnet schooled us in football lingo in her new column, Sports for Chicks. Today, she’s back with some more pointers for convincingly faking an interest in sports.
So you find yourself in a scenario with a favorable guy-to-girl ratio and for once you’re surrounded by hotties. Now the pressure is on to show off your knowledge of the current economic crisis or offer your take on the brilliance of the Sarah Palin “cut and run” debate response. But wait. Oh no. Suddenly you’re awash in a sea of yellow cards, flagrant fowls, and three point conversion plays. Yup, you just got cornered into a conversation about (gasp) sports. Now you’re left with two alternatives:
A) Stand there and nod. Pretend you know what they’re talking about (play defense).
B) Awkwardly slip away and save yourself the embarrassment of not being able to participate in this discussion (bench yourself).
Well, if you are unsatisfied with either of these two options, I’d like to offer a Plan C. The media has taught you far more than you realize about sports. Everyone knows Kobe Bryant owns the basketball court while Tiger Woods dominates the verdant pastures of the golf course. By using the logic-based skills that surely got you into to Penn you can absolutely navigate a sports-based conversation, or at least manage to stay afloat. Read the rest of this entry »
Welcome to the first edition of Sports for Chicks, the self-explanatory brainchild of UTB contributor Lily Avnet. Today she gives us the 411 on that most macho of sports, football.
Sports for Chicks: Ignoring the differences between baseball and football since 2008.
Every weekend hundreds of Penn women wonder why their boyfriend/bff/fling from last night has not called them back. Ladies, I have a revolutionary answer, an earth shattering revelation: football. See, every weekend as we anxiously wait for that text, all our gentlemen seem to be “playing hard to get.” While I in no way wish to demean the flirtational capacity of our Penn boys, I’d like to offer a simple solution rather than whining, “he’s just not that into you.” Think positively. Take a deep breath and say, “Today he’s just more into Brett Favre.”
Indeed, every Saturday a multitude of men must watch their favorite colleges and universities duke it out while simultaneously trying to catch a glimpse of their shirtless friend from high school who painted his face and decided to rock a beer hat for the occasion. Read the rest of this entry »