NewsJuly 2, 2014 at 7:32 pm

Golden Globe-Winning Actor and Hollywood Bad Boy Joins Penn Athletics!

Can you believe Colin Farrell has given up drugs, sex (tapes) and making movies to coach Quakers at dear old Penn? Don’t, because he’s not…but it’s not joke day! A DIFFERENT Colin Farrell has been named head coach of the lightweight rowing team.

There you have our biannual Penn sports reportage, but as journalists, we mostly just wanted to emphasize his name, since the serious press release wouldn’t make the connection. We did, and what an honor it must be to share a name with the Irish hottie recently spotted doing shirtless yoga?!

Congrats, Head Coach Farrell. Hope you’re not a horrible boss.

ShutterButtonApril 23, 2014 at 10:41 am

ShutterButton: Penn Relays Erotica

As you know (or don’t, if you automatically delete Penn Athletics emails), the 120th annual Penn Relays are this weekend (schedule here)! Wikipedia assures us that it’s the oldest, largest track and field competition in the country and apparently it draws crowds of over 50,000 people each year. Be on the lookout for intercollegiate hotties warming up by bolting down Locust allllll weekend.

However, if you were allergic to gym class in high school and are ignorant about the world-famous relays, check this sexy crest, originally from 1925, which offers a saucy preview that may tempt you to attend the going-ons this weekend. Naked men, mysterious herbs, and holding hands with B-Frank are all things that definitely have the potential to improve most sporting events in general – and combined they may even be worth that walk all the way to Franklin Field.

FeaturesApril 4, 2014 at 8:52 am

Flyerer of the Week: Chi Olympics

Chi Olympics

If there’s one word that comes to mind when you think of Penn, it’s sports. And charity. And donuts. Well, maybe not. But if you’re looking for a sweet combination of these three, then be sure to head out to Chi Olympics, this Saturday from 2-4 PM . For this week’s Flyerer of the Week, we learned about what it takes to be the best.

What is Chi Olympics? 
It’s Chi O’s annual fundraiser for Make-A-Wish Foundation. It’s a really fun tournament with sports and games and great prizes for everybody!

So if it’s a competition, how athletic do you have to be?
Actually, not at all. There’s a donut-eating contest, so no athleticism required.

So why should we come to this event as opposed to the other billions of things happening this week?
Because it supports an awesome organization! Make- A-Wish Foundation does great things for kids. Also, anyone who participates will have a lot of fun and can win prizes. We have gift cards for everywhere. Literally, everywhere.

Where, specifically?
We have Kiwi and Smokes! What college kid doesn’t like some beer with a side of froyo?

If you could describe this event in three words, what would it be?
“Fresh”, “once-in-a-lifetime-experience”, and “cash-swag-money” .

Speaking of cash-swag-money, what would happen if Amy G showed up to the event?
We would recruit her for our team. There would also be lots of selfies going on. She’d be a really good competitor for the relay race or something but probably bad at the donut-eating contest. If she wanted, she could be the Grand Torch Bearer who lights the fire of Chi Olympics. The physical and metaphorical fire, that is.

Great! Any last words?
I’d rather be roller-skating right now. I’m not lying….wait, don’t put that!

DP March Madness Bracket--Submit your bracket for the DP March Madness contest by Thursday at noon for a chance to win "eternal bragging rights" and some seriously dope prizes to Copa ($100 for first, $75 for second, $50 for third). Now that's a lot of ca$h to drop at Copa drunch.
NewsMarch 4, 2014 at 5:43 pm

Penn Band Grad’s Public Proposal At The Palestra!

You may have heard smatterings of gossip this weekend: Penn Band seniors got engaged at Saturday night’s basketball game. As campus collectively gasped in shock, compassion and jealousy, UTB went to work to put the rumors to bed. And…SHE SAID YES! We’ve got the video of a 2012 alum and former Penn Band member asking young Susie to marry him during the game, which we of course lost.

The groom-to-be, we have discovered through investigative journalism, rocks a third nipple, hence his nickname “Pips” (Penn + Nips, brilliant). As for the bride, though she wore a band shirt, Susie doesn’t even go here – but she met Pips while LARPing (really). Congrats, you two!

Chasing AmyFebruary 22, 2014 at 4:26 pm

Chasing Amy: Strut Like You Mean It

Madame President is out in full force this weekend, mingling with the masses on campus as the sun eminating from her perfect blonde locks melts the snow. A source informs us A-Gut made her annual sports appearance last night and was spotted at the Penn-Harvard basketball game (we lost), even playing the xylophone with the Penn Band! Today, she’s rocking a to-die-for jacket while sauntering arm-in-arm with her elusive hubby on Locust, where she was last spotted one year ago. Thank you for gracing us, Amy G – get up when you feel it, it’s your time chance to shine.

NewsSeptember 9, 2013 at 2:38 pm

We Can’t Tell You What to Do, But Easy Social Can

easysocialIn case you needed yet another Penn events webthing slash aggregator, check out EasySocial. But don’t close this tab just yet, because we want to know, seriously, is EasySocial any different from the rest? Well it turns out: somewhat!

ES—can we call it that?—catalogs not only your standard on-campus goings-on, but also those sometimes elusive bar specials and off-campus parties. Plus, it lets you post your very own events. If you’re still reading (god bless), here’s a bonus info nugget for ya: it was made by two Penn senior guys and honestly, who knows parties better, right?

So when it comes down to it, you’ve now got events@penn, TheRedCup, and EasySocial all at your disposal. Happy HapPENNings!

FeaturesFebruary 3, 2013 at 1:05 am

7 Things To Do That Are Not The Super Bowl

boredrby-woman-bored-watching-football-mdnSome of us are not so into sports. For the unathletic/uninterested bunch, here are 7 things to keep you occupied while all your friends are watching the big game:

1. Re-watch the 30 Rock finale and cry again because you don’t know what to do with your life now that it is over…. Blerg!

2. Start thinking of Valentine’s Day puns to send to your crush (like this).

3. Experiment with YouTube makeup tutorials 

4. Home Alone is playing on ABC Family.

5. Sit and imagine what it would be like if this happened at the Super Bowl.

6. Go to the Rave and see a movie — you’ll have the whole theater to yourself!

7. Make a fashionably late appearance at a Super Bowl party just long enough to grab a handful of chips and see Beyoncé (with Destiny’s Child?!) kill it. Before the third quarter starts, fake an important phone call and GTFO!!

What's HapPENNingNovember 26, 2012 at 9:10 am

What’s HapPENNing?

So you woke up over break, checked your schedule and got NONE of the classes you pre-registered for? Buck up, kids, the world’s going to end in a few short weeks! Here’s how you should be spending your last few days on earth:

Student-Athlete Talent Show
Who: Penn athletes
When and where: Today, 8 p.m.; The Palestra
Why: A talent show is at its best a spectacle and its worst a complete train wreck. It’s a win-win situation– what do you have to lose? The event coordinators urge you to bring new and gently used hats, gloves and scarves for donation to the homeless, which rules.

Read the rest of this entry »

NewsMay 28, 2012 at 3:20 pm

Bartend It Like Beckham

After a 4-1 victory against China at a sold-out match at PPL Park, the Women’s National Soccer team headed to Tap House for some post-game drinks and pre-Memorial Day celebrations. We’ll call it a scene of all-around ra-ra-ra-America patriotism and conveniently gloss over the fact that almost everything in Tap House was probably made in China. Welp!  In any case, check out one Quaker’s close-up with the star forward after the jump: