Remember fall of your freshman year when you were so excited to get emails? Forget doing your own laundry or managing your finances (lol); having more than three unread messages is adulthood.
Fast forward to now, when your jaded, bitter self ventures into your inbox with resignation and disgust. The biggest targets for our collective contempt are those email superstars (we’re looking at you, Troy) who send so many emails that some among us believe we’ve formed a personal relationship with them. Last Friday, Senior Associate Director of Career Services Claire Klieger sent an email to the senior class. The subject line read “Fling into the possibilities!”, with Ms. Klieger going on to say, “Yes, I went there, but this is the time of year to embrace the “cheese” so…Happy Fling!” One Flinging Senior decided to dig deeper and uncover the hidden meaning of this Career Services email, resulting in the email chain in the picture above.
We must applaud Ms. Klieger for her timely, informative and friendly responses. Maybe she thought that at 2 p.m., she was communicating with a sober and soon-to-be productive member of society. Maybe she didn’t. But it’s comforting to know that when we stand dazed and confused, pondering the mysteries of the emails flooding our inbox, crying out into the void – someone is listening.
For those of you too drunk to remember, there were a plethora of Fling tanks this year, as always. Some were actually amusing. Some were unpleasantly boring. Some were desperately unclever. We get it, you wanted to stand out, and for better or worse, we noticed you. So accept our awards and comments with honor and pride, or remorse and defeat, we don’t know your life. Firstly…
UTB and 34th Street present: The Best Tanks You Will Ever Wear
Read the rest of this entry »
Thanks for being as crazy as ever, Flingers, and thanks for sending us the damage. Direct from you to UTB, here’s our annual compilation of all your telecommunicated, intoxicated indecency. As always, let’s relive the rowdy via area code.
The Rules of Feminism
(814): Did u find a boy to have sex with
(513): No :((((( yes but he took my best frieds vieginity…Crossing a line
The Flinglosopher’s Stone(d)
(513): I’ve reached a breaking point in my life I have to not care anymore it’s not any of that I feel free not like I’m going to tear down the world but like I’m gonna rise from the ashes comme un phoenix ya sigh
The Too Real Typo
(435): How many guys in zbt have you hooked up with?
(228): Lox. Read the rest of this entry »
As we collectively wallow in this rainy post-Fling Tuesday, we can only hope ya didn’t have to untag too many pictures or explain to your parents why they received a Dominos pizza delivery at 2am on Saturday (It’s
a long not even a long story).
Either way, this moody weather gives us the perfect excuse to reflect on what transpired this past weekend, and there’s no better medium to do this than through the contemporary photograph. Without further ado about nothing, here’s our roundup of the Fling photos you sent us, or hashtagged with #flingstagram:
Nothing unites strangers like the 3am drive for calories. Here we observe an eclectic medley of organisms gathering around the oasis that is ol’ McDonald’s.
Read the rest of this entry »
Happy Hangover Sunday
-- Hope your Flings were arrestless
. Can we get an amen for the blessing that was that weather?! As you slowly transition back into real people
, going through pics as you SABS in the sunshine, remember to enter our #flingstagram contest
and to submit your craziest texts
by 11:59 p.m. tomorrow night to email@example.com
! UPDATE: SCREENSHOTTED SNAPCHATS ALSO ELIGIBLE.
Ayyyyyy Fling is upon us, people! Whether you’re already intoxicated WITH KNOWLEDGE from your Thursday classes or not, listen up. UTB has thrown together a little scavenger hunt so if you like scavenging and you like hunting, participate in our photo contest. Below is a list of items for you to seek—some things open to interpretation.
❑ Abandoned, toppled solo cup (make it arsty~***)
❑ Scene that embodies “oh no, is that kid okay?”
❑ Wawa line that exceeds 10 people long
❑ Frat president in handcuffs
❑ UTB fling tank (+100 if you come say hi)
❑ Obvious undercover LCA agent
❑ Penn Band fanfare, in Mayfair
❑ Freshman drinking on the down-low, in Lo-Fi
❑ Getting toasted, in Toaster
❑ Person actively and consciously enjoying Qdoba
❑ Vom trail that ends at a toilet
❑ Vom trail that doesn’t end at a toilet
❑ Somebody flinging a literal, coiled spring
❑ David Guetta doing whatever it is that he does on stage
❑ Scene that best describes “Peace Love and Fling”
and you’re good to go.
Whoever knocks out the most of these bad boys out by midnight on Monday, April 14th gets a cute li’l write-up in a future post and even better, mad love from everyone here at UTB. So go out, take some shots, and take some shots!
If you’re more of a thousand words rather than a picture guy, send us your texts!
Amidst all the rumors and outrage, Fling and actual spring weather have finally arrived! UTB is putting aside our “Free Fling” protest signs to give you an extensive guide for this weekend. Here’s how to push through 4 p.m. hangovers, Bouncy castle-induced nausea, and narc paranoia to live Fling to the fullest.
10 am: Awaken and seize the Fling. Head to a discrete location to pregame. If you’re a freshman and can’t get to your friends in other parts of the Quad, pregame via Facetime so it feels (a little) less sad.
12–6 pm: Fling around town. We recommend these events:
Lower Quad – Bloomers Band @ 1:00, Dischord @ 4:30
Upper Quad – Penny Loafers @ 2:40, Penn Hype @ 5:10, Fried Oreos @ every hour.
But realistically, you’re just gonna follow your fully flung heart/mind/stomach anyway. More semi-scheduled debauchery after the jump!
Deep breaths, deep breaths…FLING WEEKEND IS (ALMOST) HERE!!! How totally psychedelic! Like it or not, we’ll be documenting each and every one of your dude-even-the-Quad-security-thought-I-was-sober, oops-no-I’m-definitely-more-drunk-than-I-thought-I-was, well-what-do-we-have-here-I’m-blackout, nahhh-bitch-I-just-blacked-in, and-now-I’m-ready-to-rally, moves beginning Friday (tonight? Thursday?). Read on to find out the least peaceful and loving things that will be taking place sooner than you can say fling, flang, FLUNG.
1. Lines are drawn as the one person who your entire hall hates isn’t invited to the hall pre-game and shows up anyway.
2. You underestimate your drunkenness and try to eat at Commons, getting into a fight with your once favorite employee and forever ruining what used to be a beautiful relationship.
Read the rest of this entry »
Ahh, fling–the sun is temporarily shining, the birds are singing, hackers are hacking, and NARCS ARE LURKING. The Liquor Control Agency is back in full(er) force this year to protect West Philly from the terrifying threat of drunk kids in boat shoes, and they mean business. If you’re planning to guetta little weird this week, there are some things to keep in mind:
- This year there are twice as many alcohol monitors, patrolling on and off campus Monday-Friday 6 p.m.-2 a.m. and Saturday 12 p.m.-2 p.m.
- Officially they need to (1) hear music, (2) see a crowd, and (3) see open alcohol containers, but LCA agents and alcohol monitors have been known to raid parties without all three of those conditions in place. Basically, if you’re throwing down for fling, it has to be a silent disco and the alc needs to have a cap on it at all times. Sippy cups work.
- Undercover LCA agents will be at parties and for the first time in Penn’s history have the authority to escort the president of the organization out of the house in handcuffs. Note: LCA agents are not the same as alcohol monitors. They’re here to write citations and make arrests, kick underage ass and take underage names, float like undercover butterflies and sting like bees with badges. Watch ur back. Watch others’ backs.
- If an “RA” knocks on your Quad door out of the blue and demands to search your room for alcohol, this person is probably not an RA. Or a NARC. Despite rumors of such sketchy Quad searches, it seems that if it’s really happening, it’s thanks to people who are probably too cheap to buy their own alcohol. Use your noggins, kids.
- If fighting the man is your thing, Protest for a Free Fling is actually happening Thursday at noon on College Green, as per last night’s viral Facebook event. Peace love fling and protests! This is so theme-y! You’ve got UTB’s support. Is it too late to get a Free Fling fling tank?
The IFC is reportedly working to push the LCA’s attention to off-campus frats, but no one is really safe. We’re just wondering when fling got so hard. Now we have to remember to not get hospitalized AND not get arrested? That’s two whole things to remember. Actually you also have to remember to send us your texts from fling. That’s three things.
With Fling in full swing,
How could you not,
Send us the embarrassing
drunk texts that you got?
For the fourth year in a row,
we’re here to round up,
The texts crafted, in part,
by the drink in your cup.
Include the area code,
We won’t say your name,
No need for explanation,
No need to feel shame.
Send the best ones to firstname.lastname@example.org ,
To or from your TA, your ex, or your mom.
Your texts will be famous! On our website they’ll hang,
As proof that your Fling went out with a bang.
Calling all Quakers to join this contest,
Just send us your texts, and we’ll do the rest ;)