Ever feel like your life could totally be a reality TV show? Were there three Shoutouts just about you? If so, you’re likely an egotistical, attention-hoarding drama king and your friends hate you. On the upside, UTB is coming out with a new feature just for you. By comparing our readers to the celebs they idolize, we remind you that stardom really is just around the corner, waiting to jump out at you from a bush. So is every campus squirrel, so be careful walking around with open burritos.

But enough dilly-dallying—follow us down this week’s red (and blue) carpet!

They get excited about opportunities in DC: Last night marked the 98th annual White House Correspondents’ Association Dinner, which meant many of our celebrity friends flocked to the nation’s capital like a bunch of PoliSci majors tryna land an internship with Obama. Except if the PoliSci majors were self-important, unregistered Comm majors instead.

More relatable tales of sex, drugs and scandal after the jump.

UTB hears that Dev Patel (of Slumdog Millionaire fame) bucked celeb tradition last night, skipping Pod and heading instead to Distrito.  Apparently he’s in town filming M. Night Shyamalan’s latest, The Last Airbender.  Did he enjoy Distrito’s constant loop of scenes from that ridiculous movie where Jack Black plays a Mexican monk/wrestler?  ‘Cause trust us, it gets funnier after a few sangrias.

The way-cooler-than-us editors of Street‘s music section tipped us off to the concerts worth checking out this weekend.

Mogwai not?

Friday, 9/19:
Mogwai
Starlight Ballroom, All ages
8:00 p.m.

Scotland-based Mogwai returns to the Starlight Ballroom to once again deliver their post-rock with dynamic heard in few bands. In one moment are lush, ambient soundscapes laden with spacey guitar delays, and in
the next, a thunderous, heavy explosion of sound to throw you off your feet. Though lyrics are sparse and generally lacking, their instrumentation, which ranges from drums to organs to string samples, creates such a full atmosphere that there is no need for words. From soft and introspective to loud and epic, Mogwai is sure to deliver an incredible roller-coaster of sound and emotion that should not be missed. $20

Friday, 9/19:
Stars
Trocadero, All ages
8:00 p.m.

On tour for their latest album, In Our Bedroom After the War, this five-piece built from former members of Broken Social Scene presents bittersweet songs of love and loss. Stars has often been appropriately described as “melodramatic pop”, but they have developed a bit of an electronic edge that sets them apart from other indie pop acts. Whatever their sound is, intermingling male and female vocals, danceable beats, soft verses, and powerful choruses all combine to create some seriously good music. $18

Saturday, 9/20:
The Mars Volta
Electric Factory, All ages
8:00 p.m.

The Mars Volta puts on a show that is quite the experience, playing with such energy and passion that the crowd can’t help feeling it too. Named “best progressive rock band” by Rolling Stone in 2008, The Mars
Volta combines a variety of different genres into a frenzy of sound, with lead singer Cedric Bixler-Zavala’s versatile voice at the helm. They are touring for their latest album, The Bedlam in Goliath, and with their incredible new drummer, Thomas Pridgen. Expect to see one of the craziest, most frantic shows of your life – the band might look like their convulsing, but they’re just getting into the music.