Snow days be damned, Street is back and ready to welcome all of our new members! This week we’re all about being alone in Philadelphia, chilling on a bench and smellin’ the roses.
If you’ve already broken your resolution to go to the gym, Highbrow has some much better ideas, submitted by YOU. We can’t reschedule bid day but Ego can give you retrospectives on rush. And we’d never let you watch the Grammys without a drinking game. Film has a sick chart to tell you what you missed when you fell asleep during American Hustle (no shame).
Finally, we have some real alternatives to Greek life and Greek Lady: crazy good Greek food from Kanella. We got some secrets from the Chef. If you never want to wear your open house rush shirt again, give it new life with a DIY that would make Martha Stewart kvell.
You’ve read our words, but now it’s time to write your own. Come be a part of 34th Street at our first writers’ meeting of the semester. We extend a special invite to our Class of 2014 Freshmen Superlatives. Tonight, 6:30 PM 4015 Walnut. We love you like XO.
For Street’s last issue of the semester, we were all like, joke’s on you! It’s all about the 40th and Walnut McDonald’s! Mickey D’s! The Golden Arches! America’s Meatheart! Old McDonald had a farm, but that’s not where the Big Mac comes from… PINK SLIME TIME! (Nickelodeon, take note).
This week, we did it all before finals or calories could catch up with us. A courageous reporter even attempted the 50 nuggets in 30 minutes challenge. What’s the over-under on how many he ate before vomming? Find out here. And sadly, some poor soul had to clean up that puke. Ego talked to McDonald’s very own manager for the exclusive inside scoop, er, soft-serve swirl?
And forget Burger King or Wendy’s. Taco Bell is the true rival of McDonald’s, and we analyzed the existential differences between the entertainment playing while you devour those Doritos Locos Tacos versus while you chomp on that McRib. But don’t for a hot (or lukewarm) second think that McDonald’s is the easiest of fast food. We hear that McDonald’s has admission rates lower than dear old Pennsylvania herself. You’d think they could at the very least offer a soda fountain with free refills to offset the outrageous cost of tuition.
If you ever find yourself wishing you were just a fly on the art on the wall of McDonald’s, look no further than this week’s Contrapposto. Or maybe that’s not sceney enough for you? Well, while you were busy posting Kelvin-filtered art$y pics of your last meal at Vetri, our photog compiled an insta essay like no other.
P.S. Be my date to formal? I really really don’t want to get set up with the Hamburglar.
P.P.S. No matter what, we’re loving it. It was nice posting for you all. We’ll miss it greatly. <3z forever (::::
Gossip Squirrel here. Your one and only source into the lives of Penn’s scandalous elite. Except not cultural elite—it’s only senior superlatives. Spotted: some thankful Penn students SABSing on the Van Pelt couches just longing for Thanksgiving break. Although the winter blues might be causing a serious lack of drama, I can tell you who’s going down next: Daughtry.
And here’s a scandal for you: my sources tell me that two Penn frosh went on a blind date with some mood lighting. Dating? “Dinner and a movie?” So passé. Unless it’s Pod or White Dog, you’re not good enough for Gossip Squirrel.
But if my dish isn’t enough for you, there’s always your own submissions. You may think I’m bad, but you’re your own worst enemy.
And who am I? That’s one secret I’ll never tell. You know you love me.
XOXO, Gossip Squirrel
Caught in the act of a duckface selfie, and your life can’t sink any lower. Talk to your doctor about how Street could be right for you. This week Highbrow checks out Penn goodies for sale on eBay, and you can bet that we’re just waiting for someone to auction off Amy G’s used kleenexes. We have a hunch they’d go for more than our degrees are worth. We also investigated how Penn degrees can help you in the arts.
Quakers ducklings. Before all the celebrating begins, be sure to pick up a copy of Street. We’ve got picks for your playlist this weekend (wait, what, no, of course I didn’t put Aaron’s Party on! That would be so embarrassing. Spotify must have made a mistake) plus recommendations for the best Penn spirit wear. You can bursar bandeaus! Also in the athletics-themed festival spirit, some football players shared their deepest and darkest secrets with us. And we put it on the backpage. Highbrow also has this thing where they predict your fortune based on your astrological sign. It’s 137% accurate, we swear. Food and Drink pits HipCityVeg against McDonalds. We learned that a groothie a day keeps the doctor away, but we don’t even want to think about what Chicken McNuggets do.
Quick: Throwback Thursday! Anyone still watch HIMYM
? Remember at Penn Preview Days when you had to take a dramatic picture outside Platt
for the stupid scavenger hunt? Yeah… oh, and Lowbrow’s got mail
. Remember AOL?!
BREAKING NEWS - Startup
spelled backwards is put rats! Put rats where? I don’t know! If anyone knows where to put the rats, please let us know at firstname.lastname@example.org
Happy Halloween, Streetures! (street creatures) All the midterms this week are making us feel pretty meh. So we have another Meh List for you, Halloween edition. Speaking of the holiday, are you going out tonight? We are! Here’s hoping you can both down drinks like they’re candy and avoid MERT… successful night, right? Well, some people call blacking out a successful night of drinking. Street investigates the blackout rage that’s sweeping the nation (and not everyone drinks Banker’s). Even Lowbrow took part in some alcohol festivities. But if you’re in the mood for a sober Halloween, you can always celebrate by watching a few horror movies. And we’ve still got some treats for you Halloween haters (no tricks are necessary): Arcade Fire has a new album out, and we take on the fancy pants new Singh Center for Nanotechnology.
Until next week,
xoxo Grammar Girl (not to be confused with PBS’ popular educational TV show, Word Girl)
Is Halloween 2spooky4u? Well too bad, because this week’s issue of Street is all about spooky spots. Seriously, after getting high after midnight, the Biopond can manifest a chill in your bones. Though, Arts provides an informative piece on the Laurel Hill Cemetery. Maybe try exploring that after your weekend smoke? That’ll make for an interesting dispatch…
Aside from Theos being scared shitless after the delightful discovery that their Google Group is public,
you may be shocked to learn that Wes Anderson is indeed an auteur
. What’s an auteur? It’s about as complex as the fucked up frosh
Lowbrow interviewed this week. Disclaimer: THIS GIRL IS RATCHET. But we love her as much as Wes.
Werewolf bar mitzvahs: spooky scary boys becoming men, men becoming wolves. It’s what college hookups are all about: coming of age. To help you in your pursuits of happiness, Music guides you through the first glance of your newest hookup’s apartment: those posters
of famous musicians. It’s not time to shine. Just shine bright like a diamond when the full moon is out on your quest to werewolf-dom.
Oh. My. God. Becky, look at 34th Street! It is so good. Fall driiiiiinkz. Music rivalriez. PhillyPhilmPhest: HowDoYouFeelAboutAllThePhs??? Our PH level is so off the charts it’s basic.
Did you sign a lease for your house next year? We forgot to. We can always live in the quad or Hill like a freshman, right? Or DuBoyz? Not gonna lie, we just really want some more swipes right… ):
Hooray!!! The government’s open! POST offices are killin it, and they never even stopped! (Cause we can’t stop (referencing Miley (triple parenthetical inception woahhh)))
Awww, it was so nice catching up with you! You always know the best gossip [LB]! Especially after break, it feels like I haven’t seen you in forever! You know, that fall break we had only this past weekend? Yeah… but anyways, we should, like, totally do lunch!
Yo, yo, yo, Street is in da house, coming to you live from 4015 ‘nut. And this week we’ve got everything: red velvet pot cupcakes, hippity-hoppin’ #tbt party jamz and even some hybrid snuggie-slapchop-magicbullet-shamwows.
Welcome to Penn, Class of 2017. We’re sure you’re the best and brightest Penn has ever seen—but maybe your Facebook group begs to differ? We don’t. No matter who you are or where you’re from, chances are you’ll find yourself in one of Penn’s
food recycling fine dining establishments—if you’re not into the 20 hummus options of the day, check our hacks for DIY dining hall delights.
We also hope you had a good summer. We missed you a lot. So much so that we wanna blur your lines. Or do we wanna get lucky? Not sure. Maybe we should ask someone who worked with the Fairly Oddparents. Wait, is that a show or characters? Nevermind.
Did you have a good weekend? We did. We don’t really remember though, ’cause we made it in America. MIA at MIA? Check out these upcoming fall festivals (that don’t include Beyonce’s thighs).
To those of you returning from abroad, maybe you want to make some resolutions for the semester. Or not. Still, most of us weren’t here over the summer, so let Street give you a quick once–over of what’s new at Penn. WaWa is the bomb.