This Tuesday, you have to choose between watching the most historic presidential inauguration of your lifetime…or attending your lame 10:30 class. Wilson Tong, UA chair and campus mensch, brought to our attention the UA’s “open letter to faculty” regarding the whole ASTR 001 vs. OBAMA 4EVA conundrum. The letter encourages instructors to “accommodate any students who may miss classes owing to their presence at the Inauguration” and “those students who may want to watch the Inauguration ceremony live on television.” And why should they do that?
Understanding that discretion regarding attendance is yours, we encourage that you consider Tuesday as a secular holiday [...]
Sweet! This gives us the extra time we need to bake a “Yes, We Cake.” But in all honesty, most of your liberal elite professors will be just as excited as you are to watch the ceremony, and if not, hello? TiVo.
Join internet meme-ologist Johann Diedrick as he summarizes the 2008 elections using simple, LOLcat-esque imagery.
OBAMA: THE MEME
Obama, our supreme overlord. Amiright? Can we just say Barack Obama is having the best week ever? Yes we can.
You didn’t need to spend much time online the past few months to know this would be an election of historical importance. Some were confident from the start:
I’m proud to say that I’ve found something both Republicans and Democrats can agree on. And I can say this with some certainty because Fox News and I share the same opinion on this: Ralph Nader’s political future is over.
If you haven’t seen the video below, which is currently making its way around the Internet, it essentially proves that Ralph Nader is even crazier than you previously thought possible. Oh, Ralph, only you could make Fox News look progressive.
Here’s what I love about this video:
1. The ever-so-slight change in Ralph Nader’s posture and facial expression when Shepard Smith calls his 2000 campaign a “spoiler”
2. Shepard’s reaction: “Really?” You can almost hear the “Are you out of your f***ing mind?” behind it.
3. After cutting Nader off, they show the poll results… with his measly-looking one percent.
Tonight, we say goodbye to what might be our favorite part of Election 2008: the media circus surrounding it. Indeed, there will be no more cheesy “Decision 2008″ graphics, and we’ll have to bid a fond farewell to colorful CNN commentators. So we thought we’d send them off with a bang, and thus, the Election Night Drinking game.
Indeed, as college students, we will seize upon any excuse to drink, particularly those which make us look politically aware. So, in the grand tradition of the Presidential Debate drinking game and the annual State of the Union drinking game, we introduce to you the Under The Button Election Night 2008 drinking game. No election-results party would be complete without it.
First, we recommend you arm your friends with both red and blue drinks: after all, unless Florida fucks it up again, this is sure to be a proud day for America. For the red, our suggestions include Red Stripe Lager, Bloody Marys, anything mixed with Hawaiian Punch, or Red Bull and vodka (perhaps not technically red, but a favorite). Blue drinks could be Pabst Blue Ribbon or some kind of blue Kool-aid concoction. Perhaps your best option is be red and blue Jell-o shots. In any event, you’ll want to be well-stocked with alcohol for the night, just in case this becomes a clusterfuck that goes on well into tomorrow.
Regardless of what you choose, our recommendations for gameplay are after the jump, guaranteed to provide fun until a winner is declared.
The Philadelphia Daily Newsposted a video earlier this afternoon, a tipster informs us, and we think it belongs right up there with the canon of ne’er-do-well former Spin blogger Stephen Morse.
The situation: some guys who seemed to be Black Panthers were standing outside a polling location looking menacing (and this is neither here nor there, but of course Fox News is having a field day with this story), so an election volunteer who said he was affiliated with Penn approached them. He pointed out that the fact that they were holding nightsticks might be construed as intimidating. The panthers countered that the Penn guy was wielding a camera-phone. Because Penn students have the bomb logic skills, our hero responded: “I have a camera-phone, which is not a weapon.” Check out the video:
You’ve probably already seen this e-mail that’s been making the rounds, a warning from the ominously named Committee of Seventy:
If you first push the button for the presidential candidate you want and then push the straight party button, you will cancel out your vote for president on the voting machines used in Philadelphia. This is because it will be as if you had pushed the presidential nominee’s button twice: the first time selecting him and the second time unselecting him. If you want to vote the straight party ticket, just push that button and it will include that party’s nominee for president. If you want to select a nominee for president individually then you need to select all of your candidates individually.
We find it a little disconcerting that we might somehow unwittingly void our own vote, so please heed this warning and be careful! Everything’s going to be so much easier in the future when we can vote by text message.
If you log on to Facebook as much as we do, you might have noticed the invitation to receive free coffee at Starbucks tomorrow for voting in the election. Our good friends at Starbucks seem to be even more desperate for business than Ben and Jerry’s: they don’t even want proof that you voted! If you “tell them” you voted, you’ll get a tall (otherwise known as a small everywhere but Starbucks) coffee on the house. It’s nice to have someone who believes in us, we guess.
Hey Starbucks, we’re all for social responsibility, but you might want to learn how to better “manage your brand identiy” through Facebook events…because when you decided to allow anyone to post pictures on the event, all those fair trade coffee activist types took the opportunity to make you look like corporate whores!
If the results don’t satisfy Senator McCain tomorrow, he probably has a future in comedy. Seriously, his timing and delivery in the opening segment were really impressive. Especially in the way he counterbalanced the always-brilliant Tina Fey and managed to highlight the key points of his campaign in a humorous way.
But even more than amused, we actually felt a little sorry for McCain. Sure, he’s a Washington politician, which is a great gig, especially in our present financial situation, but the entire opening sketch revolved around his campaign being strapped for cash compared to Senator Obama’s. And while we loved McCain’s stint on Weekend Update, that one bit about the “Sad Grandpa” was close enough to the truth that it tugged at our heartstrings (we’re also shocked that McCain’s people allowed him to utter the word “grandpa”, but that’s a separate issue).
Pity aside, if the politics career ever goes sour, Senator McCain definitely has Hollywood potential (in a world where Jack Black can make movies, anyway).
Alright, troops: big day tomorrow. We, as a nation, will decide whether we want to be led by a crazy old man or the coolest/smartest guy evAR (N.B.: This is not biased because we didn’t use their names! We are being intentionally vague!), and because this decision will involve a lot of hard work, Ben & Jerry’s is rewarding us with free ice cream. Just show up at the store (on 40th between Locust and Walnut) between 5 and 8 p.m. with some kind of proof that you have indeed voted (sucks for Canadians/convicted felons), and you will get your very own scoop of democracy. And by democracy we mean ice cream.
Will Marathon Grill counter by offering free froyo to people that complete jury duty? We’ll get back to you. In the meantime, check out the disgusting ice cream mash-up we made using the Ben & Jerry’s Flavor Generator:
UTB political correspondent and chief analyst of imaginary polls Julie Steinberg writes in to bring a much-needed international perspective to tomorrow’s election.
Blue States Win
Since 2001, it’s become a fun tradition to see who Al Qaeda supports in our presidential election. John Kerry got their vote in 2004, and this year it was the Maverick who got their turbans in a twist. And while non-state actors are undoubtedly an important reflection of popular opinion, we were wondering what it would be like if the entire world voted in this election.
Suffice it to say we were delighted to find this handy Global Electoral College map from The Economist, which thoughtfully conducted a survey of citizens of 195 countries on our behalf. The results were overwhelming: 52,000 votes poured in, with 44,000 supporting Obama. Translated into electoral-collegespeak (we don’t get it either), Obama got 9,115 delegates, compared with 203 for McCain.
Early weeks of voting indicated some interesting new friends for McCain: Cuba, El Salvador, Iraq, Congo, Sudan and Andorra*. What a fun new Axis of Evil!
Street Food & Drink editor Eliza Rothstein took a break from her gastronomic pursuits to snap this picture for us. Merci beaucoup!
Raise your hand if you’ve noticed these signs all over campus?
GTFOAV, it turns out, stands for Get the Fuck Out and Vote, and the person they’d like us to fucking vote for is Barack Obama. We’re pretty sure most of us were planning on doing that anyway, but we guess a profanity-laced reminder never hurts? (College Republicans’ likely response? STFU.) GTFOAV.com’s message and fugly design sensibility aside, we’re also wondering who funds the site–is it part of this community organizing effort we’ve been hearing so much about? We wouldn’t know–it’s our job to Stay The Fuck In And Blog.
Ladies and gentleman, we’ve found the new Lolcats. Even though we know it’s meant to be a political tool for the GOP, we cannot get enough of the Make-Your-Own-”Joe The Plumber”-sign Web site found on JohnMcCain.com. While our posts in the past may have suggested a certain political sway, we’re certain that this fun little widget will reach across the aisle and enjoy at least 15 minutes of internet fame.
In case you’re short on time, we’ve made a few signs that we’re sure you’ll want at the next McCain-Palin rally. And if you’ve got any clever ones of your own, send them our way.
This Tuesday, you have to choose between watching the most historic presidential inauguration of your lifetime…or attending your lame 10:30 class. Wilson Tong, UA chair and campus mensch, brought to our attention the UA’s “open letter to faculty” regarding the whole ASTR 001 vs. OBAMA 4EVA conundrum. The letter encourages instructors to “accommodate any students who may miss classes owing to their presence at the Inauguration” and “those students who may want to watch the Inauguration ceremony live on television.” And why should they do that?
Tonight, we say goodbye to what might be our favorite part of Election 2008: the media circus surrounding it. Indeed, there will be no more cheesy “Decision 2008″ graphics, and we’ll have to bid a fond farewell to colorful CNN commentators. So we thought we’d send them off with a bang, and thus, the Election Night Drinking game.
If you log on to Facebook as much as we do, you might have noticed the invitation to receive 
Will Marathon Grill counter by offering free froyo to people that complete jury duty? We’ll get back to you. In the meantime, check out the disgusting ice cream mash-up we made using the 
