FeaturesMarch 31, 2014 at 12:33 pm

The 28 Best Quotes From “FPC Hearing: Much Ado About Paper”


No, free US from this RIDICULOUS NONSENSE of a “hearing.”

Oh wait, this wasn’t a performing arts group’s spring performance of UA Elections: I Promise I Didn’t Pay For Facebook Likes? With all that’s going on this week, you could’ve had us fooled. For three-plus hours we were glued to our computer screens watching the hilarious circus that was the “trial” for Gabe Delaney and Julie Bittar, who were accused of withholding monetary records related to their campaign. So, follow along as we recap the most memorable, Emmy-worthy quotes of the latest episode of House of Cards hearing.

  • “This is an orderly process governed by rules. Please respect that…This is not a spectacle for your entertainment.” Oh yes, yes it is (and it was).
  • “I’m filing a complaint against Gabe Delaney and Julie Bittar for…I think…violation.” Our sentiments exactly. Read the rest of this entry »
NEC Has Made Their Joyce -- and disqualified Gabe Delaney and Julie Bittar. Because of this, natch. Your new UA Prez and VP are Joyce Kim and Josh Chilcote, and they would've won regardless – but this way, we got a hilarious three hour hearing to live stream! Delaney was also eliminated from the UA SAS rep race. See the UA results here and Class Board winners here.
Election WatchMarch 27, 2014 at 7:38 am

Completely Accurate Election Update

It’s Thursday and you know what that means – there are less than 48 hours left to vote in the 2014 Spring Student Elections! Anxiously awaiting to see which of these flops is going to lead us into the harrowing challenges of the 2014-2015 academic year has all of us biting our nails and upping our Xanax prescriptions. But never fret, as your premier source of Polls You Can Believe in (trademark pending), UTB took the liberty of conducting some exit polls at today’s voting booth on Locust.

When asked what factor most influenced their vote, 38% of respondents said the catchiness of the candidate’s campaign slogan, 32% said the attractiveness of the candidate’s posters, 11% said the attractiveness of the candidate, 10% said, “Am I voting? Someone just shoved this computer in my face” and 9% said they just clicked on whichever name jumped out at them first. When asked if the candidates’ platforms had any effect on their vote whatsoever, 88% of respondents said, quote, “No.” Read on for more STATZ!

NewsMarch 19, 2014 at 3:45 pm

UA Prez Candidate’s Likes Skyrocket Thanks To Questionable Accounts

Gossip time: UA President & VP candidates Gabe Delaney and Julie Bittar have enjoyed an exponential increase in Facebook likes today – and not from Penn students. Or anyone they know, for that matter. Hundreds of social media brownie points have been accrued from bizarre (fake?) accounts. Seems suspicious. Shonda’s still around…do you think a political fixer is needed? Be sure to experience the drama live tonight at the presidential debate (7 p.m. in Steiny-D), moderated by the DP and featuring free Federal Donuts. Check out more screenshots after the jump and let us know your thoughts in the comments. Read the rest of this entry »

Did you vote yet? Today's your last day. You can't complain about student government until you do, so get to it before 5 PM!
NewsMarch 14, 2013 at 11:15 am

Here’s Some Data About The UA.


Some political efficacy to start off your Thursday: presented with minimal comment, here’s this table from a UA insider, which shows various statistics about the work of the incumbent UA representatives in the last year, including the number of projects each member actually completed. The data is culled from meeting minutes, which are public information. Click the image for a larger view.

In order to present this information as objectively as possible, we are also including the most recent UA Annual Report, available here.

The conclusions are up to you, but with elections coming up, this may generate some important discussion.

NewsDecember 14, 2012 at 9:27 am

Skip The SEPTA: UA Bus Shuttles To Run Next Week

Feel free to put off going on SEPTA for the first time a little longer.

For anyone flying home over break (private jets to New Jersey not included), the UA will be providing cheap shuttles from campus to the Philly Airport next Monday, Tuesday, and Wednesday. (For those of you who already flew home, you probably have better things to do than read this blog).

Thanks to the UA, there will be no need to “split a cab” and never get paid back (but seriously, we saw you buy Starbucks in the airport with the cash you pretended not to have) because these shuttles are worth it, and there are, like, 30 time slots to choose from. Tickets are on sale today on Locust and day-of by the Upper Quad Gate

FeaturesNovember 22, 2012 at 1:22 pm

Who’s Thanking Whom? An Investigative Report

Gobble gobble and such, it’s Sangskeebing, y’all! We’re thankful that it’s finally time to put on a nice chunky sweater for granny and shove a Wawa Gobbler down our gullets before waking up at 3 a.m. to grab a “Are you 18+? Then you can Tickle-Me-Elmo” at the local WalMart. Yum-o! But enough about us; what about the rest of campus? We asked some of our favorite people and groups around campus what they were thankful for, and here’s what we found:

Your neighborhood friends are thankful that you’re home and they can’t wait to hang out but OMG, please don’t invite Jamie, we don’t know how to tell you this, but we absolutely hate Jamie and no one’s kept in touch with her since high school except you. Okay?

Mikey is thankful for his Dove chocolates and open-minded family.

Read the rest of this entry »

UA Airport Shuttles— Don't live in New York or New Jersey? Meeting Mother and Father at your Thanksgiving home in Vail? Spending the holiday abroad with your Big? Be sure to hit up this cheap, easy ride to the airport.
NewsMarch 27, 2012 at 6:57 pm

UA Candidates Contort Their Bodies For Your Vote

The student government elections are officially under way, and it looks like our two UA presidential candidates are doing just about anything to get your vote. Take note, America. This is what the future of our nation looks like.

Above, we’ve got Dan Bernick doing “the Bernie” with his gang. (Get it? Bernick? Bernie?) See what Jake’s up to after the jump!