CSI: Van Pelt

Why was there caution tape in Van Pelt last night? Strangely enough, we’ve sort of seen this before.

The Whole World Wants To Reserve A Room in VP

Everyone loves to laugh at funny Google search suggestions, but you freaks are all probably too busy reserving rooms in Van Pelt to be bothered by Internet memes. For reasons we wish we could explain, Google’s first suggestion for “reserve a” is “reserve a table van pelt.” We find this half disturbing, half awesome.

Update: It’s not just us. Apparently reserving a room in a college library is more popular than we thought. More evidence after the jump.

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Need A Summer Sublet? Must Speak Chinese

We thought we’d seen it all when it comes to Rosengarten bathroom stalls. But then we found this in the Ladies’ room.

Our Chinese interpreter is unfortunately on sabbatical, but we’ll do your homework if you can translate for us! Also, fairly certain Chestnut is a “Street” not an “Ave.”

Lithgow In The Library?

Was John Lithgow in Van Pelt this afternoon? Tipsters tell us, “he walked in, chatted up a security guard, went to the bathroom downstairs in Rosengarten, and then left.” Did you see him? You know where to send it.

We Feel Ya, Mr. Chem Student

From the hallowed walls of Van Pelt, a few fine lines of poetic verse:

Fuck Chemistry
I just want to drink beer
And play video games

Also, the tipster who sent us this (thanks!) said he saw it in “Goldstein Van Pelt.” We had to look up where that was, but it turns out it’s actually just the front part of Rosenparty. (Oh?) You learn something new every day! Though maybe not Organic Chem?

Nappers’ Paradise

While our favorite Van Pelt spot is normally quite the Rosenparty, or even a Garten of Love, it seems that more people are shacking up solo in The Hotel Rosengarten.

Tipster Isabel Friedman sends in these photos of the full house that checked in early Sunday morning. Now, we all know trudging through the snow is a cruel business—but this just looks plain torturous.

We’re only one month into school and it’s already this packed? Van Pelt, can we book our reservations for finals yet?

But, hey, if you are going to check into Hotel Rosengarten, you might as well BYO-protection.

More sleepers after the jump.

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In Which A Teen Soap Opera Occurs in Van Pelt

Good morning, Van Pelters. Gossip(y) Girl(s) here.

The other day, someone forwarded us this email in which some dude (actually, a now Penn Law student and former class prez) recounts a conversation he overheard in Van Pelt. We laughed, but didn’t think much of it…until we received the email on like, twelve other listservs we’re subscribed to. When we looked back over the email, we had a number of concerns, including but not limited to: why is everyone declaring their love in Rosengarten? Also, did this guy sit there transcribing this whole exchange? Considering how quickly excited freshmen speak, we find this words per minute count to be impressive. Oh, and…to all the “Obnoxious Girls” and “Awkward Boys” out there — we salute you.

In the unlikely case that you didn’t receive the email (we simultaneously envy and pity you for not being subscribed to eight zillion listservs), the full text is below the jump.

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Friday Night Fever

Resourceful Lowbrow contributor Isabel Friedman hung this disco ball in Van Pelt tonight. In her words, “Sometimes you just have to remind yourself where the real party is.” Rosenparty, that is! And for this, we salute her.

How have you been coping with this most brutal of finals seasons? Let us know in the comments.

Love In The Time Of Finals: A Rosenparty Romance

Van Pelt was awash with romance last night. Observe the video above, in which a dapper frat bro (identified as a SAMmy senior) walks into Rosengarten on Saturday with a bouquet of roses. After scanning the room several times, the suitor takes his pick of a lady and begins, “I don’t usually do this, my name’s Charlie. What’s your name?” Smooth moves! “My fraternity is having a semi-formal…So, would you like to go?” he continues. “It’s tomorrow night…I was wondering if you’d like to go.” When she responds with a resounding “Sure,” our suitor retorts with, “Yeah? Really?! What’s your name by the way?” At this point, an onlooker shouts out, “She said yes!” and the applause begins. Apologies for the fact that you may twist your neck watching the video.

Thank you, Charlie, for making us believe real life is like a teen movie. We’ll let it slide that you asked the girl what her name was her name twice.

In Which Finals Are Made A Little Less Miserable

Bean bag!

Finals really, really suck. In an effort to mitigate said suckiness, Penn likes to hook students up with the occasional freebie. Houston isn’t the only place to find perks — hit up these spots starting today and continuing through the 22nd:

Mark’s Cafe, Van Pelt: Extra shot of espresso free (plus now they’re open until 2 a.m.!)

Accenture Cafe, Towne Building: Extra shot of espresso free

Houston Market, Houston Hall: Free small soda with any purchase between 4 and 8 p.m.

Burger Stop, Food Court at Commons: Late night breakfast from 8 p.m.-midnight (not free, but we hope they have home fries)

And we’re not quite sure what this means, but Einstein is hosting a “Red Bull Energy Break: Drop in and unwind in a bean bag with Wii video games and plasma TVs! Starting at 3 p.m. on 12/14 and 12/15.” So, you know, there’s that.

Look At These Dweebs!

This was the view from under the Button this morning (Don’t even ask why we were there. Okay you got us. We were taking this picture!) before the library opened at 10:00 a.m. Maybe the early bird gets the best study carrel, but come on. It’s a Saturday!

Let the finals fun begin.

Get Your Study On

Though we prefer Fisher Fine Arts (and some other folks do, too), a hell of a lot of people dig Van Pelt (Rosenparty, anyone?). As such, we must inform you that Van Pelt is switching into finals mode.

As of tomorrow, VPizzle will be open until 2 a.m. every day until December 22nd. Mark’s Café will continue to close at midnight, but will stay open until 2 during reading days and final exams. And, as always, Rosengarten will be open 24 hours a day. Let the studying commence (ew).

¿Qué Onda Outside Of Van Pelt?

Tonight we were on our way to Van Pelt, feeling pretty good about starting work early and even better about the Raisinets Milk Chocolate Coated Raisin Treats we had just purchased at the Uncommon Market, but then we saw this guy!

He was speaking Spanish (we think it was Spanish), and stopping frequently to take exceptionally long drags of some sort of cigarette or cigar or beedi or kretek (did you know that kretek is an onomatopoeia that comes from the sound of cloves burning? Cool!) or something. We couldn’t really tell what it was, nor could we understand what was being said.

There was a three man camera crew documenting all of it, but no one would tell us anything. Do you know this man? There’s a photo from behind after the jump, in case that helps.

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Nice Blazers, Guys

For some, Homecoming means posting up at Mad4 and drinking a few too many margaritas. For others, it means the chance to assert our athletic dominance over our Ivy League peers. Well, it looks like we did both of these things today, as Mad4 was a madhouse and we beat Princeton like it was our job.

But before we beat the Tigers 42-7, the Princeton band decided to bust into Van Pelt. On a Saturday. On Homecoming. LAME.

We Know Your (Victoria’s) Secret

Girls just keep misplacing their undergarments, don’t they? Last night a tipster spotted a bra on the stairs in Hillel:

And today a tipster found a bra strap outside of Van Pelt:

Wonder what we would find under the button…