FeaturesMay 2, 2014 at 12:09 pm

Finals Trends: A Graphical 2D Experience

Ah, finals: because your self esteem is too high and because midterms aren’t cruel and unusual enough. We hate to get all mathetmatical on ya—especially in this trying time, but with the use of some very scientific numerical raw data, we’ve put together a list of graphs that 2-dimensionalize (?) the finals experienstruggle. Whether you’re deciding on if it’s a good time to start ‘Game of Thrones’ or are just “seriously screwed,” scroll down and look at the pretty pictures already.

graph slides

graph sun

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FeaturesFebruary 14, 2014 at 5:35 pm

VP Gems: Valentine Edition

Introducing our newest feature, VP Gems, in which we see what Penn’s immense library catalog has to offer. 

When it comes to love, few humans possess as encyclopedic a knowledge of the stuff as our own brutalist fortress of information, Van Pelt Library. We took to the stacks (read: online catalog) to see what we could find.


250px-LoveandHumanLove And Its Vicissitudes (call no. BF175.5.L68 G74 2005): Your SAT word of the day, ‘vicissitudes’ refers to an unwelcome change in circumstances or fortune. This book sounds like a downer.

Love and Nausea (call no. PR6073.I457 L68 1995): Could this refer to our endless love affair with plastic bottle liquors?

Love and Human Remains ( call no. PR9199.3.F7175 U64 2006): This is a play, and judging from that cover image, just may be NSFW.

Love and Lockjaw, a black-face farce, in one scene. (call no. 812 W676La): Listen, we’re cutting to the chase, this is probably incredibly racist. It’s also from 1845. At least it’s short? Read the rest of this entry »

ShutterButtonFebruary 11, 2014 at 9:38 am

VP Bud Ice, Thrice As Nice

Thanks to a tipster for this perturbing snapshot of a VP 5th floor study carrel on Sunday. Looks like someone went a little cray-cray and got heavily intoxicated Saturday night. Like a true multitasking Penn student, he or she worked hard and played hard simultaneously. Don’t get us wrong – we all can enjoy a little Olivia Pope red with work, but three cans of Bud Ice (which is Budweiser with slightly more alc, we looked it up)? Dayum. Apparently Penn’s hottest club is Van Pelt-Dietrich Library Center.

NewsNovember 20, 2013 at 1:14 pm

Huntsman GSRs Opening Their GSarms To Non-Wharton Folk

wild gsr orgyWell, well, well, well, well, well, in what was once craaazy enough to be a DP Joke Article, Wharton might actually, fully open Huntsman GSR doors to CollEngiNursing students.

According to this real DP article, a group of Whartonites are working to allow any student—that’s taking Wharton classes—to book Huntsman GSRs outright. Join the forum, share your Wharton oppression stories thoughts. But on the real, VP rooms are better for getting work done anyway.

NewsOctober 2, 2013 at 5:32 pm

Our Beloved Button Gets A Bow


In honor of Breast Cancer Awareness Month (yes, somehow it’s already October), our namesake is sporting a new philanthropic accessory. Check out its new look, and if you’re looking for other ways to show your support, be sure to make room in your busy schedule for this sacred event.

NewsSeptember 27, 2013 at 3:55 pm

It’s Friday So Here Is “Small” The Dog

imageHappy Friday, Quakers! The weather’s great, midterms are just around the corner, and this Saint Bernard (named Small) is sitting on a bench outside Van Pelt like a person. Aww. Soon they’ll be wearing doggy suits and preparing for doggy case interviews!

NewsSeptember 25, 2013 at 12:45 pm

Get A Room (And Get Lucky)

Screen Shot 2013-09-24 at 11-1.13.47 PM

Sexy can I, er, book us a room in VP? From the looks of it, two (or more) Penn students had a rather productive and promiscuous morning! Happy hump day Room 404, enjoy that mid-morning delight (looking at you Gilded Age Group, 2 hours is plenty).

NewsSeptember 19, 2013 at 5:13 pm

It’s Gerald Ford Trapped In An Elevator Day!


Quakers, we invite you to take a moment of silence to honor the fact that on this day, exactly 29 years ago, former President Gerald R. Ford was temporarily trapped in an elevator in Van Pelt. Alas, we urge you to celebrate this occasion with both solemnity and respect. We can only hope that this time next year, on its 30th anniversary, Gerald Ford Trapped In An Elevator Day is granted the national recognition that it deserves.

Update: Aww, they’re celebrating at VP:


NewsSeptember 4, 2013 at 11:00 am

Inhale Without Fear


Van Pelt, the library famous for mysterious odors emanating from all steps in the food consumption process, has decided to fight back. Be warned eaters of sandwiches like the one pictured above, the Rosengarten Computer Lab isn’t the place for you. Go back to Mark’s where you belong, or risk understanding the meaning behind “limited ventilation.”

What's HapPENNingAugust 22, 2013 at 1:24 pm

What’s HapPENNing, NSO Edition

what's happenningThat’s right. It’s hap(PENN)ing. NSO is officially underway and we’re one blur-of-an-academic-year away from reaching May. Keeping that in mind, ahem seniors, this NSO season should be a time to play with our new kittens before classes bitch slap their entire faces, respectively. That’s why we’ve come up with a few way(s) to have your own re-introduction to campus.

Thursday, August 22

Freshmen: Move-in. Time to make bffs with your roomie and hall-mates. Prepare to never talk to them again after this year.

Upperclassmen: $3 dollar cover and $1 drinks 9pm-12am at Blarney. It’s the first night of NSO, so pace yourselves accordingly (aka die, in the metaphorical, blackout sense).


Friday, August 23

Freshmen: Penn Library Social 9pm-11pm & PennFest 11pm-1am

Upperclassmen: A re-introduction to Smokes. We hear the renovations over the summer are spectacular.

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