Every semester, there are three sure signs that finals season has rolled around. First—the most obvious—Van Pelt’s got extended hours; second, the nursing students have deserted campus; and third, a strict Don’t Ask Don’t Tell policy on showering has been tacitly ratified by everyone you know and love.
But fear not, for there is a bar of soap at the end of this long, musky tunnel. In the meantime, enjoy these few sprinkles of fresh perspective. Read the rest of this entry »
Everyone needs a little pick-me-up to take the edge off of finals week. We encourage it! Late night insomnia delivery, venti NON-skinny latte, go crazy. Looks like someone took it a little too far today in a Van Pelt bathroom and got down in between review sessions, leaving their (large) container of lube behind. At least they had the courtesy not to relieve their stress in the stacks? Just know that this is NOT what we meant when we said Rosenparty. And if you’re into that, some suggested material…
Don’t even think about taking advantage of VP’s extended study hours and doing work this Fling weekend. However, you have three homework assignments to complete amidst the debauchery:
1. Submit to SHOUTOUTS. Oh-we-oh-we-oh-we-oh.
2. Take pics with FLING STANLEY. Bonus if A-Gut photo-bombs.
3. Tip us your greatest TEXTS FROM FLING.
That’s right, for the third straight Fling, we’ll be compiling your greatest texts from the weekend for an upcoming UTB feature! Send ‘em in to firstname.lastname@example.org all weekend! Include yo area code so it looks like this:
(215): Hii hiow far does pennride go out???!! i’m stranded in Viullanova HELP ME IM POOR
There are always a few of you each year–the select bunch who haven’t mastered the art of drunk blogging for Writing Seminar. While the rest of campus is praying to the gods of Pong and Porcelain, you’re holed up in a Huntsman GSR…which is why we present you with:
The Anti-Flinger’s Guide to Fling
1. Start your Fling Friday in the VP Stacks, where we’re sure an Independent Study (if you know what we mean) won’t do it for ya. Booty call a friend, describing your location with the Dewey Decimal System.
2. How desperate is too desperate, you ask? Rising freshmen are fair game. 11th-graders are a no-go–unless they’ve broken a 2100.
3. On the off-chance you start to envy red cups and the people who hold them, remind yourself that you are classy. Take swigs from the bottle of Poland Spring (without the label, of course) that you snuck into the library, cringing with each swallow. Remind yourself that it’s only water.
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Two a.m. and she calls me ’cause I’m still awake… Preach, Anna Nalick, because it’s Twitter-official: VP’s main building is open until 2 a.m. all the way through finals, effective immediately. As happy as we are that the exodus to Rosenparty is no longer at the absurdly early hour of midnight, the fact that @upennlib had to tweet something with the words “today” and “finals” is disconcerting.
Where did the time go?! Oh yes, last day of classes in about two weeks, so buckling down to start those final research papers now is not unwise. Who are we kidding? Do your mental health a favor and don’t take advantage of these extended hours until after this weekend. And if we see you in there during Fling, you’re getting MERTed.
Oh No!--Someone pulled the fire alarm in VP. We're not sure who or why, but we hope you stay warm! Here's to doing work in Huntsman!
Spotted outside Van Pelt: A Pokémon battle of epic(ish) proportions. Not gonna lie, we were slightly disappointed at the lack of people in Pokémon costumes doing this to each other (read: we wanted to see a Charmeleon). But we enjoyed it anyway. In case you’ve forgotten the good ol’ days, or you don’t want everyone to know you had a sad, sad childhood, there’s still hope.
We want spring and we want it now. Penn’s Facebook page offered a mysterious sneak peek yesterday into Van Peezy’s new rooftop lounge located on the sixth floor. The DP reports that the lounge will have a grand opening April 18, with a select few being allowed entrance as early as March 4. We have high expectations for this new space: a place to absorb both some vitamin D and all of the reading material we know we will forget to do over spring break. Plus, we’re hoping that third VP elevator will finally shed its fear-inducing construction look and resume normal elevator appearance.
Watch out, Van-Peltians. These girls are over by our button again, yelling at you to save Philadelphia’s puppies. Tabard’s 2013 pledge class, everyone. Do they want us to save the puppies, or do they want us to save them? Our guess? Neither.
It’s finals time. You’re looking for the optimal place to study, but you can’t find any more
beds carrels in Van Pelt – we’re here to help you find some of the niche study spaces on campus, as always. Freshbabies, be attentive!
Fisher Fine Arts – Silence. You take one poop too loud in the restroom and you’re blacklisted.
Education Commons – Any NARP (non-athletic regular person) is welcome, but the place reeks of balls: foot, soft, base, basket, you name it!
Rooftop Lounges – Avoid Harrison. You’ll get stuck in an elevator, most likely with a stressed out freshman who hasn’t showered for days named Sitswithpig. Read the rest of this entry »