NewsJuly 5, 2014 at 6:16 pm

Philly Mag Steps Over the Line, Yet Again

Sometimes Philly Mag publishes upsetting articles, in which they say we’re cheap jerks or have a drinking problem. It hurts, but as we attend to our wounds we can admit to ourselves that there may be nibbles of truth in that commentary. But this time, Philly Mag’s “Fighting Words” section has published all-out libel: a condemnation of Wawa worship.

The author, who is new to Philadelphia, suggests that we “get over” Wawa. In a plea akin to asking your rabbi to just “get over” Judaism, she wonders at the unconditional, unwavering love of a “convenience store.”

We have one simple reply. Or rather, 100 simple reasons why Wawa transcends mere convenience store status. The “baby talk” name? A reflection of the primal need for Wawa felt by infants and drunken college students alike. The “just coffee” coffee? See reasons 5, 6, 15, 18, 28, and 57 please.

As the author suspects, Wawa worship goes beyond appreciating the genius that is touch-screen ordering and free ATMs. On a deeper level, we love Wawa because #51, it epitomizes Philly. For Philadelphians, Penn students, and Pennyslvanians worldwide, home is where the hoagies are.

WAWA ROBBED -- Put down that mimosa glass and join hands in a prayer circle for Our Holiest of Holies, the Wawa on 38th Street and Spruce. At 5 A.M. this morning, an armed man entered and robbed our Guiding Light, our Raison d'Etre. Thankfully there were no injuries reported, but in these trying times, the #1 in our munchie-rotation needs our undivided support.
NewsMay 5, 2014 at 4:32 pm

4th of July Jam Lineup Released…

and YOU and YOU and YOU, you’re gonna love it.

Wawa’s annual Welcome American Philly 4th of July Jam has released its lineup…and this year’s A Team is full of stars(hips). Yes, Nicki Minaj, Ariana Grande, Ed Sheeran, Aloe Blacc and JENNIFER HUDSON will join The Roots to celebrate the USA’s birthday.

The annual FREE concert at Ben Franklin Parkway draws hundreds of thousands of Philadelphians and is thus cheaper, more crowded and less secure than Made in America. Let’s hope there aren’t any brushed-under-the-rug stampedes this year, because after The Way last summer’s mob scene went down, some may be feeling wiser and older…and telling you, “IIIIIIII’m not going.”

FeaturesApril 23, 2014 at 2:34 pm

QUIZ: Which Penn President Are You?

d8553e68ed551251cae2904744dd1389Blinded by the glitz and glamour that is Amy Gutmann, we sometimes forget those who came before her. That’s right, our favorite blonde bombshell didn’t always reign over Penn. A number of presidents and provosts have kept this school alive since 1740, and it’s about time we recognize them, and relate them to you.

“Move over, BuzzFeed,” we say once again. Which Penn President are you? Do you have what it takes to get A-Gut? You might be surprised… Take our personality quiz!

Read the rest of this entry »

NewsMarch 6, 2014 at 9:39 am

Let’s Get Lazier

crunchbuttonNow on Penn’s campus, Crunchbutton is a website and iPhone app (originally designed by Yale students) that allows people to order popular dishes online from  local restaurants that don’t usually deliver. Imagine: Wawa, Sweetgreen, and/or Chipotle in your mouth with a click of a button–finally your wildest dreams have come true!

This happiness does come at a rather steep price: a medium side of mac and cheese from WaWa will set you back almost $8 with the automatic tip added. Additionally, the site’s hours of operation seem to be a little off (restaurants randomly “close” during the day), and we were confused by the picture of the sports car with the caption “Be a Delivery Biker!” on the homepage. But despite all this, we are still ecstatic to finally have a start-up we can get on board with and we can’t wait until that burrito bowl is cradled safely in our immobile arms.

FeaturesFebruary 5, 2014 at 11:59 am

UTB’s 100 Greatest Things About Wawa

ecb0a72d9360b91fdd42d96274e4dd6bThis goes out to all the homies who said we should be more like BuzzFeed. Yeah, ONE HUNDRED.

  1. The Gobbler, their Thanksgiving shuffle button of a sandwich.
  2. The music played over the speakers, from Stevie Wonder to Hall & Oates, is always perfect.
  3. Open 24/7.
  4. Their two convenient locations (one near Huntsman, one near VP.)
  5. Hazelnut Coffee.
  6. French Vanilla Coffee.
  7. Packages of single condoms.
  8. Those cash registers where the coins pop out the side.
  9. Onomatopoeic name emphasises the primal need for Wawa experienced by infants.
  10. Mac N’ Cheese.
  11. Touch screen machines where you can order without talking to a human.
  12. No-surcharge ATMs.
  13. Straws wrapped in paper for cleanliness.
  14. All you can eat ketchup/mustard/salt/pepper.
  15. The month of $1 coffee (January, but currently extended until 2/8!)
  16. The Wawa Facebook page, where the comments are all gold.
  17. The oatmeal. Read the rest of this entry »
FeaturesNovember 28, 2013 at 10:44 am

The Penn Thanksgiving Bingo Card

Because we’re thankful for ya, the staff here at UTB put together a li’l Thanksgiving bingo card  for your eNjOyMeNt. Click to enlarge, print, and cut it out (god bless if you actually do). See if you can get bingo before the food coma sets in, or blackout before Grandma blacks out. Hurrah, hurrah, happy Thanksgivukkah!

thanksgiving bingo

NewsNovember 14, 2013 at 11:37 am

10 Things “A Day in the Life of Penn” Forgot to Include

Peta-McDonaldsPenn has released its Fall 2013 “Day in the Life of Penn,” a collection of 108 photos meant to capture “all aspects of campus life from sunrise to well after sunset on one bright fall day.”  Aw.

While we credit the creators for documenting totally everyday things like model shots of Dean Furda, horses and cows at the Vet school, and a really cool foam pit at the gymnastics center, we noticed that they left out a few of the raw details of what it means to be a Penn student.  Catch a list of the top 10 nitty gritty omissions after the jump. Read the rest of this entry »

NewsOctober 3, 2013 at 10:05 am

Say It Ain’t So: Goodbye DP Dough

I WILL NOT GO. TURN THE LIGHTS OFF. CARRY ME HOME. We are utterly, unspeakably devastated to report the sudden death of University City’s premier munchie/drunchie haven, DP Dough.

Less frosh-filled than Wawa, less bouncer-protected than McDonald’s, cheaper/tastier than FroGro and open later than Allegro, the always-friendly calzone connoisseurs of 40th Street will never be forgotten. While it’s true they are a chain and our cravings can technically be satisfied elsewhere, this location was special because people thought it was named after a certain newspaper. (And the closest ones are at Penn State and University of Delaware.)

DP Dough: we promise to keep you alive in our (lack of) memories and will always love you. Mourning readers, email your well wishes to their Facebook, because for the establishment always open til 3:30am, it’s the final closing time. RIP.

NewsSeptember 16, 2013 at 4:12 pm

Penn Woman Goes Wee-Wee On Wawa Floor

pissUnfortunately, this is not a joke. Fortunately, we decided not to post a photo of urine on the Wawa sales floor.

We thought the sighting of the Penn Pooper would be enough to convince students that public excrement emancipation is frowned upon (at least in UCity), but clearly we failed. At approximately 2:30am a few nights ago, we received this tip:

Uh a girl just peed on the floor in Wawa. She also stayed to shop and had to be forcibly ejected.

Why, Wawa Wee-Wee Woman?

On a more sanitary note, we later found out that her blessed friends stayed in Wawa to pick up her sandwich and other dining accoutrements before fleeing the scene.