[Disclaimer: This post was part of our Joke Day series. Our logo was Button the Under for a whole day and you didn't even notice.] Before she came in like a wrecking ball, she came in late to Huntsman Hall. That’s right, the biggest headline-maker of 2013 is a secret Quaker who can shake her money maker. Of course, the ex-Disney starlet didn’t have time for a full college experience, but most don’t know Miley took summer classes at Wharton in 2009 (and we don’t mean her impersonator)!
Then 16 years old, the precocious pop princess just couldn’t be tamed and was accepted to Penn…protecting her privacy under an alias, of course. Can you blame her for wanting the best of both worlds?! According to sources, Cyrus was researching the American educational system for her meaty role in the wrenching critical darling “The Last Song,” in which she delivered an award-winning performance as a grumpy, horny high school student during summer vacation.
An eyewitness confirms that as professional as her session at Penn was meant to be, the “Bangerz” babe couldn’t stop/wouldn’t stop twerking down Locust, presumably already rehearsing for her 2013 VMA performance. So diligent – she’s just being Miley!
Because we’re thankful for ya, the staff here at UTB put together a li’l Thanksgiving bingo card for your eNjOyMeNt. Click to enlarge, print, and cut it out (god bless if you actually do). See if you can get bingo before the food coma sets in, or blackout before Grandma blacks out. Hurrah, hurrah, happy Thanksgivukkah!
Well, well, well, well, well, well, in what was once craaazy enough to be a DP Joke Article, Wharton might actually, fully open Huntsman GSR doors to CollEngiNursing students.
According to this real DP article, a group of Whartonites are working to allow any student—that’s taking Wharton classes—to book Huntsman GSRs outright. Join the forum, share your
Wharton oppression stories thoughts. But on the real, VP rooms are better for getting work done anyway.
In the words of the one and only Michelle Tanner, ice cream is very important. Wharton prof Karl Ulrich must have gotten the memo, as he recently developed an angled ice cream scooper that won’t strain your wrist. Finally, someone who gives the people what they want!
Ulrich teamed up with design company Lunar to create the Belle-V ice cream scoop, which is made of aluminum and features a slight lip attached to the handle that, when applied to ice cream, cures cancer! Just kidding it packs your ice cream into a ball. The ice cream dream team has since released the scoop on Kickstarter, a clever move that UTB would certainly buy into.
Wharton grad Suhail Rizvi recently invested in 15.6% of Twitter when it went public this past week, earning him $3.8 billion in a single day. What have you done in the last day aside from a whole lot of nothing?
Rizvi, who owns the private equity firm Rizvi Traverse, also has investments in Facebook and Playboy (lol). He was even responsible for buying and selling Summit Entertainment, which produced Twilight and The Hunger Games.
What do we appreciate most about this financial wizard? He has a personal assistant who is responsible for removing any of his personal information from the internet. Ugh, a man after our own heart. If only we had our own personal assistants to get rid of this weekend’s homecoming shenanigans that may or may not have been captured on photograph.
“I’ll take free printing for $500.” On this recent episode of our favorite game show to pretend we’d totally win, our very own Wharton made a cameo. Personally, we think that Wharton is worth much more then a measly $800 , but on the plus side at least we can say that Wharton is climbing back up the social ladder. From rock bottom to Jeopardy. Not too shabby.
An ambitious Wharton sophomore launched a successful crowd-sourced ($28.50! Woo!) effort to buy PennInTouch.org and redirect it to the real thing. Try it for yourself and relish in that whole second you just saved. What are you going to do with dozens of extra seconds each week? Comment below and let us know!
Stewart D Friedman, a Wharton management professor, recently wrote a new (slightly creepy) book titled Baby Bust. According to a recent Forbes article, the book’s focus is how in the past 20 years, the percentage of undergrads who planned to have children has declined by half.
observing stalking Wharton undergrads since 1992, Friedman was able to find that 78% of them expressed interest in having children. Following up with them in 2012, only 42% of them did.
Friedman highlights in his book that this trend is due to many “Millennials” now wanting to focus on their career goals and planning their lives without children in the picture. Looks like Friedman read a bit of this article before publishing his book. No ring, no baby, no problem.
Wharton needs a dean, fast. How fortuitous–you’re looking for a job! So while career services is still buying up iPads, we thought we’d let you in on this job posting on The Economist website. Polish your resumé, iron your OCR blazer, and click here for the full listing. While the unspecified salary is a bummer, we somehow think they’ll take good care of you!
There must be some Voodoo-type ‘ish going on at Wharton, because their luck has gone from bad to worse.
According to Bloomberg Businessweek, Ohio Valley University, a Christian liberal arts college in West Virginia (duh), recently changed the name of its business school to the Gene and Joyce Wharton School of Business and Information Technology. The decision was made to honor Gene Wharton, one of Ohio Valley’s trustees and owner of 24 Burger Kings. Winning.
No word yet if Wharton will take action against Ohio Valley, but last time someone tried to go all Chinatown on Wharton’s brand, Penn got on their lawsuit jawn and things weren’t pretty.
In the meantime, we at UTB are screenprinting “Not the Gene and Joyce Wharton School of Business and Information Technology” t-shirts and selling them on Locust next week. (Side note: those shirts suck)