NewsJuly 21, 2014 at 10:14 pm

That Would Be Wharton

UTB PHOTOAlthough we’re all grasping onto the last full month of summer with our beach towels, passports and excel user manuals, we’ve reached the tipping point when it’s time to give just a few words of advice to the incoming class.

Our first: What you post might get posted, so please post. Our second: If you’re already feeling jealous of College students, never speak to someone in Wharton. They get ukulele playing profs, lion king reenactments, annnnd pornography. But before you create your own struggle bus, take into account that you’ll get so much more out of your Fridays.

ShutterButtonMay 9, 2014 at 11:59 am

Why It’s Dangerous To Study In Huntsman

watch yo stuff

Way before when you decided to be a Consumer Psych minor because you could, like, totally put Wharton on your resume, you had never set foot in Huntsman. Now there’s one more reason to stay far, far away: JMHH staff will take your stuff if you leave it unattended in the study lounge. Watch out! We’d love to say we’ll go back to VP, but a tipster tells us that Mark’s Café is shut down due to a cockroach infestation. Stay tuned for details.

Wharton student Zachary Woods reported dead -- after a fatal car crash took place yesterday at 30th & Walnut Streets. Check back with The DP for continued coverage of the developing story.
NewsApril 29, 2014 at 1:00 pm

Coming Soon: The Wharton Admissions Bible

Wharton BookIn the endless fashion of Penn kids starting things, two Wharton students have decided to compile a book “focused on undergraduate business school admissions” featuring essays of students who were accepted to Wharton.

Snaps to these kids for creating the perfect gift for overeager high school seniors and Jewish tiger moms alike. We’re not sure how successful this “Getting into Wharton For Dummies” will be, but they should probably add “be European” or “have an investment banker dad” as some suggestions. After all, it takes some real talent to get into the best business school in the world.

But these two entrepreneurs need your help. Yes, you! To help out, either choose the honorable path of “Content Strategist” or the dark but rewarding path of “Editor.” You can also share your admissions essay for the new book and get a cut of the profit. So if you’ve been dying to tell the world about your totally unique volunteering trip to Africa during high school, now’s your chance! Fair warning though: you might baby barf when realizing how pretentious and corny your admissions essay really was.

NewsApril 10, 2014 at 1:16 pm

Senior Societies 2014, Part II

In case you were wondering who the crème de la crème of Wharton and Nursing are, behold the Lantern and Nightingales societies.

Maybe they’re born with it, or maybe their best friends tapped them. Either way, you’re amongst the elite now, cherubs. Make it work.

Another round of applause for the newbies, you’re on the edge of glory.

Read the rest of this entry »

NewsFebruary 7, 2014 at 12:36 pm

Whartonites Make Penn Version of Grouper. We Don’t Hate It.

blingee-ff_twnMaking new friends at Penn is soo easy, especially as you get older.  You just walk up to a rando in a big lecture, an open frat party, or the Gregory computer lab and BOOM, BFFs. LOL, not.

Enter GrouPenn, a new start-up by five Wharton undergrads to help Penn kids make new friends.  Groups of three friends fill out a short questionnaire and then are matched to another group, charged $20 on PayPal, given a coupon to a Philly venue, and put in touch with the other group to set up a hangout.  Then you meet up at Saladworks and EVERYONE STARTS GRINDING!  Minus the Saladworks, unless you are matched with UTB.  Then there will be Saladworks.

Although it is undeniably pathetic that we need a website and Paypal to help us make friends, we’ll take what we can get.  We haven’t made a new friend since freshman year NSO, and that was with an Allied Barton security guard (Max, if you want details.)

NewsJanuary 20, 2014 at 3:44 pm

Email Sent To Whartonites Confirms Everything We Knew About Wharton

Every other year, BusinessWeek ranks the top B-schools in the country. Naturally, the Wharton School likes to appear close to the top of that list — they’re currently the #3 in full-time MBA programs. But a email sent out recently to all Wharton seniors reveals just how much the school wants to win:

photo

Just a little passive aggressive, and why shouldn’t they be in all matters of image and status? So, what happened? How did this fall on the backburner of every MGMT TA and FNCE concentration and other acronym-holders? Will Wharton remain on top? Does everyone get kicked out of school if they don’t? We hope not, but if you want to cover your bases, fill out the survey here before this Wednesday.

FeaturesDecember 5, 2013 at 10:45 am

People Who Went To (Summer School At) Penn: Miley Cyrus

[Disclaimer: This post was part of our Joke Day series. Our logo was Button the Under for a whole day and you didn't even notice.] Before she came in like a wrecking ball, she came in late to Huntsman Hall. That’s right, the biggest headline-maker of 2013 is a secret Quaker who can shake her money maker. Of course, the ex-Disney starlet didn’t have time for a full college experience, but most don’t know Miley took summer classes at Wharton in 2009 (and we don’t mean her impersonator)!

Then 16 years old, the precocious pop princess just couldn’t be tamed and was accepted to Penn…protecting her privacy under an alias, of course. Can you blame her for wanting the best of both worlds?! According to sources, Cyrus was researching the American educational system for her meaty role in the wrenching critical darling “The Last Song,” in which she delivered an award-winning performance as a grumpy, horny high school student during summer vacation.

An eyewitness confirms that as professional as her session at Penn was meant to be, the “Bangerz” babe couldn’t stop/wouldn’t stop twerking down Locust, presumably already rehearsing for her 2013 VMA performance. So diligent – she’s just being Miley!

FeaturesNovember 28, 2013 at 10:44 am

The Penn Thanksgiving Bingo Card

Because we’re thankful for ya, the staff here at UTB put together a li’l Thanksgiving bingo card  for your eNjOyMeNt. Click to enlarge, print, and cut it out (god bless if you actually do). See if you can get bingo before the food coma sets in, or blackout before Grandma blacks out. Hurrah, hurrah, happy Thanksgivukkah!

thanksgiving bingo

NewsNovember 20, 2013 at 1:14 pm

Huntsman GSRs Opening Their GSarms To Non-Wharton Folk

wild gsr orgyWell, well, well, well, well, well, in what was once craaazy enough to be a DP Joke Article, Wharton might actually, fully open Huntsman GSR doors to CollEngiNursing students.

According to this real DP article, a group of Whartonites are working to allow any student—that’s taking Wharton classes—to book Huntsman GSRs outright. Join the forum, share your Wharton oppression stories thoughts. But on the real, VP rooms are better for getting work done anyway.