Take that, OCR. Wharton Junior Steph Weiner’s cover letter to The Dorm Room Fund titled “Why First Found Should Hire Me” has recently garnered quite a buzz via her Tumblr for it, thanks to her innovative use of common logos throughout (like those for Stumble Upon and Group Me). Take note, y’all. Maybe all that stumbling and group me chatting you do during your Psych lecture will come in handy some day. In the likely case that it won’t, you can follow Hayley Brooks’s lead.
Ask any self-respecting Penn student for their worst fear and they’ll all have the same reply: potential employers seeing their unedited Facebook profile. One look at your tagged photo from last weekend and you’ll never get a job. Luckily, Wharton grad Jeff Weiner is at the helm of a little website that allows you to separate your perfect GPA from the fact that you attended an event that toed the punny-pornographic line.
In all seriousness, Linkedin is a place “for serious business people to do serious business.”
Before rising to CEO of one of Silicon Valley’s most profitable websites, Weiner lived the life doing M&A, but he now runs LinkedIn, which is currently valued at over $1 billion. Weiner is still not satisfied. In his words, “We want to be everywhere the general professional is. We would like to be ubiquitous.” If ubiquity can be measured by the number of spam emails Linkedin sends every day, mission accomplished. Just saying.
You don’t need a super glam Convocation A-Gutt or a slightly hungover campus tour guide to tell you that Penn is a school of firsts. We were the first university, had the first medical school, the first student union, and first business school. Sliced bread: our doing. Air? We invented it. Well, Penn could possibly top itself with another amazing feat: first semi-creepy but super famous pseudo-vampire to attain an MBA.
Businessweek reports that Robert Pattinson is considering following up his somewhat successful Twilight franchise with a degree in business. Among his reported top choices are UCLA, Harvard, NYU and Penn. The only problem? R-Pattz didn’t exactly go to college.
Admissions Director Ankur Kumar replied in a sassy email that Wharton does not accept candidates without an undergraduate degree (“Humans, vampires or werewolves”). In other words: we’re flattered, Rob, but we’ll pass. Looks like R-Pattz won’t be sparkling out on the College Green anytime soon. It may be for the best – the whole Whartonites-out-to-suck-your-blood thing isn’t that funny anyway. Plus, would we really let Brown get Hermione Granger while all we get is Edward Cullen? Yeah, no.
Steve Carell is the voice behind the Wharton MBA who goes from Mob accountant to Mob boss, something that we really hope never actually happens. Our MBAs end up as CEOs, FYI (lol). The Wharton reference was dropped at ~2:40, so check it out!
See that tip box over there on the right? Use it.
Tired of the DP not covering the news you want to read about? Unhappy with 34th Street gossip or UTB tips? If so, look no further than The Dirty Pennsylvanian, an independent student news organization founded roughly 12 hours ago by a group of students with too much time on their hands. With a whopping total of 24 followers (!!!), the new DP is here to answer your burning questions about student life and events on campus. Here a few examples:
Wharton Students Hold For-Profit Thanksgiving Soup Kitchen
Student That Eats Chipotle Every Day Confused by Weight Gain
Amy Guttman Sex Tape Leaked. “Yeah, I Seen it.” Reports Bro.
So if you’d rather have your news in 140 characters or less, go ahead and become the new DP’s 25th follower! We here at the real DP won’t be mad. Honest! It’s not personal. Seriously, it’s totally fine. Just, hold on, we’ll be right back…we…MOMMYYYY!
For those avid UTB readers out there, you might remember a post from last year about a group of Engineers who were fed up with doing the business students’ grunt work and decided to fight back the only way they knew how…with their computers. Whartonite Seeks Code Monkey was created to put those tech-challenged Wharton students back in their place (the much more conveniently located Huntsman Hall) and glorify in their electronically based superiority, as Wharton students had the tendency to take the recognition for their tech-y startups that the engineers did most of the coding for.
Flash forward to 2012 where one Wharton student has learned the coding skills to back up his lofty start-up goals. Meet Whartonite Turned Code Money, who, in addition to giving us one of the best pictures of Donald Trump the internet could provide (here’s a close second), might be the savior Penn has been looking for to end the feud none of us have been paying that much attention to.
Can’t get enough of Gap’s twice-daily 30% off emails? Neither can Daniel Ortiz.
In his post today on HuffPo (that’s one for the resume!), the Wharton student openly calls for more Huntsman Hipsters (see right) in the form of a Penn fashion department. He doesn’t quite ignore the University’s current offerings, but his plea may actually work–the petition has generated over a hundred signatures!
Our advice? Make a YouTube video.
Reminder: the one and only Eva Longoria will be on campus on Wednesday! Wharton’s Lauren and Bobby Turner “Doing Well and Doing Good” Social Impact Executive Speaker Series is bringing the Desperate Housewives superstar to Irvine. It’s required to pre-register here if you want to hear the actress discuss her philanthropic work and bitter breakup from Tony Parker (just kidding, we’re sure the split was “amicable”).
Between managing her Golden Globe nominations, speaking at the recent Democratic National Convention, and maintaining her petite figure, we’re lucky Eva has time for us! The event starts at 5 p.m., but get there early for seating. UTB will obviously be live tweeting.
Guess someone’s not a fan of the sappy Google+ hangout commercials. That’s right, we’ve been tipped off to a peculiar new policy being implemented by a majorly anti-Google OPIM professor. The rules detail the sins of submitting assignments from a Gmail address and the resulting punishments. Oh, the HORROR of linking your Penn account to Gmail! Hell hath no fury like an OPIM prof scorned. He’s clearly either a) just really proud of you guys for getting into Wharton and wants those “wharton.upenn.edu” addresses utilized to their full potential (sigh), or b) he’s got mad stock in Bing!
And just like that, the two Au Bon Pains (Aux Bons Pains?) in Huntsman were cleared out this week to make room for the new farm-to-fork cafés arriving in August. “Not enough selection and long lines,” Wharton said of the fast-casual eatery. “Why does this egg sandwich taste like kitty litter?” we asked of the often disappointing lunch spot.
In closing, Comic Sans is probably not the way you want to be remembered, ABP.