Locust is known for many things — flyers, tour groups, bad luck and B-Frank — but today we can add one more to the list. Apparently a couple is taking advantage of the weather and, uh, getting married on the Walk. Is this legit? We have no idea, but we’re really digging the girl with a pancake on her head (assuming she’s even involved). Maybe they’ll honeymoon on Spruce. One more shot of the newlyweds after the jump.
Oh, Taek Jho Low. We hardly knew you. Well, we actually didn’t know you at all, since you graduated from Penn in 2004. But that doesn’t matter, because you are the latest Penn alum to gain notoriety for your ridiculously excessive ways. Congratulations!
The New York Post is reporting that Low, a native of Malaysia, is causing quite a stir on the New York club circuit. Low looks like your typical Wharton nerd, which makes the whole thing even more intriguing to the likes of Daniel Craig and Usher (yep, that’s Usher and Low downing some bubbly).
The weirdest thing he’s done thusfar? Fly Megan Fox (hey, remember when she filmed that movie at Penn?) out to Vegas for his birthday. However, our favorite Low fact is that he wrote this stock pick piece about Enron for the Wharton Journal.
Here is a breakdown of Low by the numbers:
Which leads us to ask: who is this guy?
Street photo editor Thomas Jansen sent in this photo of a powerless Harnwell College House (Rodin’s on the left, Harnwell’s on the right). We hear the power is out in Harnwell, ZBT and a few other surrounding buildings.
Our intrepid Features editor Paul Richards sent us this photo of a firetruck zooming up Locust Walk. Turns out there was some smoke coming from a building near The Arch, but no actual fire to speak of.
The spring issue of The Walk, Penn’s most faaaaabulous fashion mag, is set to finally hit the streets! Ever the arbiters of cool, we assume the editors decided to Walk in fashionably late, given their decision to publish a week into finals period.
The writing is mostly unoriginal (congrats on discovering The Green Line and Clark Park!), but the styling and photos ain’t too shabby. The models do give us some hope in the sea of sweatpants and messy hairdos that we’re spotting in Van Pelt.
A flip-through version of the issue is available here.
We invite you to examine an e-mail invitation we received today:
HilLOL
Check out the recepient line: yep, it’s addressed to jewsthatareseniors@pobox.upenn.edu. Well, no use beating around the bush, huh? He says it’s not real, but it makes us wonder what other overly honest listservs lurk on Penn’s servers. Gingersbutweprefertobecalledredheads@pobox.upenn.edu? Halfasians@pobox.upenn.edu? Legaciesthatpeakedinhighschool@pobox.upenn.edu? The possibilities are endless. But keep in mind the possibility of overlap — for example, Murrayhillleases09@pobox.upenn.edu would most certainly be redundant due to the existence of the aforementioned jewsthatareseniors list.
How can you effortlessly communicate your lameness? Talk about Twitter IRL, forget to plug in your headphones while you’re listening to Miley Cyrus in Van Pelt, and wear this shirt, which Penn’s Office of Health Education is selling for just $5. You’re welcome.
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Starting around 9 p.m., the corner of 40th and Walnut started to flood with West Philly teenagers. Hundreds of them. McDonalds, Fresh Grocer, and Greek Lady closed their doors to business while the police barricaded Walnut between 39th and 40th, and 40th between Walnut and Market. Tipsters reported seeing nightstick-wielding police officers attempting to herd the mob away from campus, as well as helicopters circling the area at around 10:30. By 11:00, the mob had dispersed and the line outside of Smokes (protected by a security guard) was back to its usual Saturday bustle. According to the DP, the Philadelphia Police Department has reported an assault against an officer.
Not one, not two, but THREE Penngineers forwarded us a most disconcerting e-mail from the SEAS powers that be, warning students to change their passwords or risk the consequences. Compromised servers, intruders, encryption: sounds like there’s some good old-fashioned intrigue in the normally placid Engineering quad. (Hmm, we wonder if this has anything to do with the last time SEAS got hacked, the perpetrator of which we hear is serving out his house arrest sentence in a HamCo apartment.) Check out the e-mail in full:
We all need to change our SEAS passwords, because the SEAS servers
were compromised. The intruder probably stole the password file, and
with enough time will be able to crack the encryption and recover the
passwords. We want new passwords in place before that happens. If
your SEAS password is not changed by 5pm Tuesday, April 28th, then we
will change it for you to keep your account secure.
No, you haven’t slipped into the Twilight Zone version of FroGro, and it’s not your eyes deceiving you: the chips and soda in the store’s final aisle have mysteriously been swapped! Why is still a mystery, and we encourage anyone with insight into the advantages of the switcheroo to speak up!
Tipsters are all abuzz about the costumes spotted on the walk today. They’re totally bizarre, we agree, but what are they?
We can’t help but be reminded of the Fruit of the Loom spokesgrapes…but like, garbage-ier.
Before a few weeks ago, we had never seen so much as a free sample cheese plate in FroGro. Then CocoPop rice cakes arrived, and thus began their gradual takeover of the produce/bakery area. And now? It’s CocoPop swag as far as the eye can see. The CocoPop “machine” is even on display, masquerading as a machine that makes things that are legitimately delicious, like popcorn and cotton candy. To that we say: CocoPop, despite your cute name and enticing calorie count (16 per serving…that’s like 11 tic tacs!), you do not deserve such prime FroGro real estate. Move aside and make way for the novelty Easter cakes.
Did you catch the ten-minute storm around 6 p.m. last night? Here are some more photos, this time with a button’s eye view.
When Saxby’s set up shop last semester, we tried to be open-minded. But we will suffer silently no more — yesterday an unnamed caffeine addict mailed out a letter of complaint addressed to Saxby’s, and she has generously allowed UTB to reprint said letter below.
Dear Saxby’s,
Hello. I am the girl who orders large ice coffees or lattes at your establishment about four times a week. I sit down and study in your restaurant, and I commend you for the services you provide.
Nevertheless, I feel it is my duty as a coffee connoisseur to draw your attention to a few of the challenges I face when I enter Saxby’s, which prohibit me from patronizing you more frequently and increase the likelihood of my taking my business elsewhere (the worldwide conglomerate Starbucks and the new neighborhood gem Cream and Sugar being just a few of my myriad options).
A. I believe your employees should better familiarize themselves with the breeds of coffee you serve. I often encounter inept coffee servers, who accidentally prepare the wrong drink. This is simply unacceptable. I have seen Starbucks employees practicing new drinks on each other — perhaps you should follow suit if you want to keep up with competition.
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Is finding new and unusual ways to spar the latest trend on campus? In today’s DP, we came across both Krav Maga lessons (a.k.a. Israeli hand-to-hand combat) at Hillel and MBA boxing matches. (See the Krav Maga photo by our very own Alex Remnick at top right and on page 5 of the printed paper. A boxing pic from the DP is below it–we cropped out the loser, LOL. Tickets to the MBA gun show much?)
You may have missed the boat on the first two, but three makes a trend. And the third Penn-approved eccentric way to confront your enemies is… kyudo, the archery technique practiced by Samurai warriors. In celebration of Japanese culture and the arrival of the cherry blossoms, there will be a kyudo demonstration at Penn’s Morris Arboretum this weekend (see bottom picture).
And there you have it: three offbeat ways to defy your Pennemies. Hey Amy Gutmann, are you trying to prepare Penn students for global warfare? As a political scientist, do you know something we don’t?
