Everyone needs a little pick-me-up to take the edge off of finals week. We encourage it! Late night insomnia delivery, venti NON-skinny latte, go crazy. Looks like someone took it a little too far today in a Van Pelt bathroom and got down in between review sessions, leaving their (large) container of lube behind. At least they had the courtesy not to relieve their stress in the stacks? Just know that this is NOT what we meant when we said Rosenparty. And if you’re into that, some suggested material…

Ever heard of Nara Japanese Restaurant? Nah, we haven’t either. A Penn grad was recently unlucky enough to drop into that creepy, semi-hidden staircase tucked by the arcade on Spruce and found this squirmy gem on her white fish. Apparently, the server claimed it was just a normal product of the fish being “fresh.” Really? What a relief. We can only hope our slightly suspicious Rainbow Rolls from Houston are that fresh.

Allegro has been defiled beyond recognition. Either that or their sign was just taken down for some regular maintenance. Luckily, the guy who answered the phone confirmed it’s the latter. We’re just glad it’s back. That sign is a neon beacon of hope and cheesy goodness for hundreds of stumbling, partied out Quakers every weekend. Irreplaceable.

Last night, a dear tipster was a victim of a Bloody Sunday of sorts, but no Czar was overthrown. No, instead Penn was faced with chicken from repeat offender 1920 Nommons that was another sort of tragic. Was it the work of Sweeney Todd and Mrs. Lovett? Or is the worst meat in Philly merely raw? Sound off below. Bon appétit!

With Penn all up on its urban gentrification thang, you’ve only got a few more weeks (or months, depending on who you ask) to enjoy views of the beautiful 40th Street M.E. Church, like this one from 1962 courtesy of the Digital Archives. From fire and brimstone to cream and sugar, from priest-a to barista (shut up), this entire situation seems a little ridiculous. We’re no Bible-thumpers, but there are already plenty of places to get froyo and coffee on campus. Can we get an amen?

[Ed. note: SO! This church on 40th and Chestnut is not a picture of the church in question. Looks like a fine place for more gentrification though, wouldn't you agree?]

Look who showed up for class today! Always the punctual green clay humanoid, Gumby showed up at Professor Jamie-Lee Josselyn’s creative writing course a few minz early to chat about Pokey’s girl drama (fictional horses can be SO clingy) and his uneventful hurricane vacay. Have fun, you two!

BOO! Did we scare you? Oh, goody gumdrops, because it’s Hallowe’en! And what a lovely autumn day to celebrate the opening of the Door of the Underworld to begin the annual Reaping of the Innocent, isn’t it? Peep the spooky jack o’lantern the wizards over at Commons carved (Sharpie’d?) up for your ghoulish pleasure. OoOoOoOoh, and those ziptied corn bunches are freaking us out! Help hallow your own ween by checking “Hocus Pocus” out of Van Pelt today. Trick or treat, Qreepy Quakers.

It’s almost 2 in the afternoon, DO YOU KNOW WHERE YOUR SANDY IS? Well, your parents probably do, because judging from the many hilarious submissions of bizarre parental hurricane advice we got over the past few hours, we’re in for a rough couple of days.

Below are our favorites– completely unedited– that you sent in. So what kind of parent do you have?

 PARENTS! They’re old. They’re a little insane. They usually “don’t” “get” “it.” And we still love them, especially when they try their hardest to make sure that we’re doing okay.

As you all know by now, Hurricane Sandy is almost upon us, and understandably, your parents are (probably) worried about your safety. The urgent calls, the strange texts, the emails written out in multiple colors? We love that ish– all those adorably weird pieces of advice that mommy and daddy have doled out over the past few days are comic gold. So send them in! Yup, submit your best pieces of parental hurricane advice by noon tomorrow and we’ll post the best ones tomorrow afternoon.

Yes, this is an actual (INSTAGRAMMED!) photo of a freshman girl’s Quad dorm room that’s making the rounds on campus.  Here’s a fact sheet: