World, meet Marion Clark Madeira, a benefactor of the University known for her social work. The lady Madeira is presented here in all her glory, as a babyface caricature from 1879. Real smooth.

This must not qualify as part of what today’s new-age chefs call a “multisensory” food experience. Gold star for the bilingual skills, though.

Most males at Penn unknowingly have an intimate relationship with Michael Zinman. Zinman, you’ll recall, is the Penn alum who selflessly donated Rosengarten’s urinals a few years back. And while we like to thank him for the relief we experience oh-so-often, Time seems to frown on Mr. Zinman:

Imagine a restroom stall, or even an entire men’s room, on the campus of your alma mater being named in your honor.

WE ARE SO INTRIGUED. TELL US MORE!

Well, for just a few thousand dollars, that ludicrous and mildly disgusting dream can now come true. Colleges and universities, including the University of Colorado Boulder, the University of Pennsylvania and even Harvard Law School have named restroom stalls and walls after alumni and benefactors in exchange for generous donations to the university.

Ludicrous? Disgusting? Thanks for pooping all over Zinman’s urinal dreams, Time. Do you feel better about yourself now?

If sign-age aesthetics said anything about venue quality, then Crave would be joining MarBar in 40th and Walnut bar heaven sooner than you can say “Dinner and a movie, please.” But despite the 6th-grade-girl doodles on their sign (and seriously, who makes “a”s like that anymore?), the local PA brews do actually make this seem like an enticing stop for those looking to mix up their bar scene a bit.

As Foobooz reports, Rx, the popular brunch joint and purveyor of All Things Yummy, may be closed for good. Yup, the sign at right has been hanging in the 45th and Spruce door for over a week, and the restaurant hasn’t returned any calls. Technical difficulties? We’re gonna need a new prescription in the meantime.

But seriously, Goddesses of the Economy, LEAVE WEST PHILADELPHIA ALONE! LEAVE IT ALONE! You’ve taken Wine and Spirits, Redcap’s Corner and MidAtlantic all in the past month– not to mention all the casualties of 2011. When will it end?

New DP columnists Hayley Brooks and Ali Kokot penned a reaction to the presence of grinding on campus this afternoon, and while nothing seemed out of the ordinary at first, our jaws dropped when we arrived at the halfway point of the article:

With grinding, any body standing on the dance floor is fair game.

College sophomore Naomi Shavin quipped, “I don’t think that we should live in a society where somebody can rub their boner on your tushy without asking your permission.” Amen.

Um, okay? Thank you for that nugget, Miss Shavin.

Have you seen this sticky yellow-brown trail of an unidentified substance trailing through campus? Of course you have! This ish runs from 34th all the way past 39th, which is actually pretty impressive. We’re currently taking bets on long it’ll stay– a day? A week? Nah, probably a month. Gross.

[Update: Turns out the offensive goo is actually an eco-friendly deicer made up of either molasses and salt or beet juice. Neat, eh?]

If you look really hard at the 224,675 pixels above this text and use the power of your ~imagination~, you can just barely make out a police car speeding along on important police business. Did we mention that it’s driving east along Irving? So…that car is driving the wrong way on a one-way street. Which is illegal. “Oh, the irony,” says Captain Obvious.

The .xxx domain was approved by THE INTERNET (formally, the Internet Corporation for Assigned Names and Numbers) in March and went on sale to the public in December. As Philly.com reports, the classification works just like .com, .org, and .edu domains, but is (as the name suggests) reserved mostly for pornography and fansites for the classic Vin Diesel masterpiece of the same name.

Penn is reported to have snatched up a couple websites, although the administartion didn’t reveal which they had purchased. Our expert guesses, after the jump:

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Indivly would like you to know that you can now receive academic credit for getting Facebook likes and comments and “maximiz[ing] eyeballs.” If you have strong writing skills (Yes), are familiar with online publishing (Yes…), can use Photoshop (YES) and can navigate social media (YES!), then meander on over to PennLink for a “Love+Sex internship.” Make sure to bring your cigs because we imagine you’ll want a nice, long smoke afterward. Check out the full ad after the jump.

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