Look who showed up for class today! Always the punctual green clay humanoid, Gumby showed up at Professor Jamie-Lee Josselyn’s creative writing course a few minz early to chat about Pokey’s girl drama (fictional horses can be SO clingy) and his uneventful hurricane vacay. Have fun, you two!
BOO! Did we scare you? Oh, goody gumdrops, because it’s Hallowe’en! And what a lovely autumn day to celebrate the opening of the Door of the Underworld to begin the annual Reaping of the Innocent, isn’t it? Peep the spooky jack o’lantern the wizards over at Commons carved (Sharpie’d?) up for your ghoulish pleasure. OoOoOoOoh, and those ziptied corn bunches are freaking us out! Help hallow your own ween by checking “Hocus Pocus” out of Van Pelt today. Trick or treat, Qreepy Quakers.
It’s almost 2 in the afternoon, DO YOU KNOW WHERE YOUR SANDY IS? Well, your parents probably do, because judging from the many hilarious submissions of bizarre parental hurricane advice we got over the past few hours, we’re in for a rough couple of days.
Below are our favorites– completely unedited– that you sent in. So what kind of parent do you have?
The Perpetual Optimist
“Mikey, buy yourself some chocolates. The Dove ones with the messages. Your going to need some soothing once this dragon storm hits. Lots of hard HARD wind. Looking forward to seeing you over Thanksgiving. I can’t wait to meet that anti-Semitic girlfriend of yours.”
PARENTS! They’re old. They’re a little insane. They usually “don’t” “get” “it.” And we still love them, especially when they try their hardest to make sure that we’re doing okay.
As you all know by now, Hurricane Sandy is almost upon us, and understandably, your parents are (probably) worried about your safety. The urgent calls, the strange texts, the emails written out in multiple colors? We love that ish– all those adorably weird pieces of advice that mommy and daddy have doled out over the past few days are comic gold. So send them in! Yup, submit your best pieces of parental hurricane advice by noon tomorrow and we’ll post the best ones tomorrow afternoon.
Penn’s Quadrotors are the darlings of the Small Flying Device world, and they’ve been clumsily swooping in and out of our hearts since last summer. Today, we’ve been swOoOoning over this robot octet (roboctet?) playing the theme from James Bond. It’s…pretty hot. Just look at that lil’ guy tearing apart that cymbal! Is it reasonable to demand a Quadrotor a cappella group? The Quadrotones? The Chordrotors? Please?
In any case, book the Quadrotors now for your next formal event! We hear they played a sick cover of Glee’s cover of ”Don’t Stop Believin’” at a bar mitzvah this past weekend.
Most males at Penn unknowingly have an intimate relationship with Michael Zinman. Zinman, you’ll recall, is the Penn alum who selflessly donated Rosengarten’s urinals a few years back. And while we like to thank him for the relief we experience oh-so-often, Time seems to frown on Mr. Zinman:
Imagine a restroom stall, or even an entire men’s room, on the campus of your alma mater being named in your honor.
WE ARE SO INTRIGUED. TELL US MORE!
Well, for just a few thousand dollars, that ludicrous and mildly disgusting dream can now come true. Colleges and universities, including the University of Colorado Boulder, the University of Pennsylvania and even Harvard Law School have named restroom stalls and walls after alumni and benefactors in exchange for generous donations to the university.
Ludicrous? Disgusting? Thanks for pooping all over Zinman’s urinal dreams, Time. Do you feel better about yourself now?
If sign-age aesthetics said anything about venue quality, then Crave would be joining MarBar in 40th and Walnut bar heaven sooner than you can say “Dinner and a movie, please.” But despite the 6th-grade-girl doodles on their sign (and seriously, who makes “a”s like that anymore?), the local PA brews do actually make this seem like an enticing stop for those looking to mix up their bar scene a bit.