Under the Button Officially Endorses Whichever Candidate You Were Planning on Voting For
Our endorsement comes at a critical time for democracy. We need to choose progress over stagnation; people over profits; stability over chaos; profits over people; we need to choose [INAUDIBLE MUTTERING] to be the next President of the United States.
The Daily Pennsylvanian Replaces All Staff Writers With Infinite Monkeys on Infinite Typewriters
What happens when they do inevitably write the complete works of Shakespeare?
Breaking: My Cat Costume Was So Good That When I Got MERTed They Took Me to Penn Vet
I don't think it helped that I was meowing instead of speaking...
Reducing Foot Traffic One Step at a Time: I’m Suplexing Everyone Who Stops Walking in Front of Me on Locust
Finally I can put several years of elementary school martial arts classes to good use.
Most recent
Everyone on Campus Was Terrified by My Costume. I Was Poverty for Halloween.
I had to look up what "poverty" was in the dictionary. I wad appalled when I read the definition.
Eavesdropping Gone Wrong: Woman on Train is Actually Super Boring
If you're going to talk in the quiet car at least make it about something cool like insider trading.
“I’m Excited to Announce” and Other LinkedIn Humble Brags That Scream “I Have a Micropenis”
“I’m excited to announce…” Translation: “Please validate me.”
Amy Wax Fired After Tweeting Something Vaguely Pro-Palestine
We’ll miss you, you crazy kid