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Hill Couples Gear Up for First Annual Freakolympics

Set to take place the week of May 6 through May 13 in Hill College House, the Freakolympics will pit freshman couples across campus against each other in a weeklong bracket-style competition to determine who can get the freakiest in Penn’s shared spaces and make everyone else the most uncomfortable.



Local Penn Student Devastated to Find Drexel Dating Pool Just As Bad

I must remember that Drexel is a fantasy land of lying dwarves, and that Penn is a fantasy land of scheming trolls. None of these creatures are viable options for a loving relationship where we take care of each other until one of us dies of old age. 


“Embracing the Two Plate Solution”: Falk Kosher Dining Apologizes For Tone-deaf Café Theme

At press time, Falk kitchen staff released a second apology for its proposed menu: a Lemony Garlic Salmon locally sourced "from the river to the sea." Apparently, they meant the Delaware.


Advice Column: Reveal Your Situationships Fivehead by Heading to Harnwell Wind Tunnel on a Stormy Day

I feel like I've known him forever, but at the same time, what does his forehead look like?


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