Dear Abby: What Was Your Name Again?

So considering that Halloween is this week, you’d think I would dedicate today’s post to inappropriate costumes. Wrong again, reader! That was my intention, but today I eavesdropped on a conversation so heinous that I decided to bypass the whole “Halloween” theme altogether, in the name of a much-needed review of common decency. 

So, to paint a mental picture, I was sitting in Houston eating and studying for my Criminology midterm, when my mind began to wander (not all of us are as efficient studiers as we would like to be). Anyway, my mind wandered on over to the table next to me, where two upperclassmen guys were having a conversation about their weekends.

Sounds harmless, no? It could have been, but instead what ensued was one of the more offensive conversations I’ve overheard in a long time. Parenthetically, for those of you who are upset at my blatant admittance to eavesdropping, I would chastise myself for a breach of etiquette had this guy not insisted on screaming so that half of Houston heard, voluntarily or no. 

In a period of about five minutes, he managed to drop such conversational gems as, “I dunno, I hooked up with some random bitches,” “no, I didn’t ask her name it’s not like she was there to cuddle,” and “it’s like, why do ugly bitches even talk to me? I’m not gonna go there.”

I’m going to cast aside the facts that this particular student’s vocabulary could have used more range and that he was not nearly cute enough to be casting any kind of judgment on levels of attractiveness. Instead, let’s focus briefly on some of obvious things that he, and you, should be avoiding.

First, speaking so loudly that anyone in a five-yard bracket could comfortably listen in on your conversation is just bad form.  Furthermore, discretion is always appreciated, whether or not you know that “random bitch”’s name, I’m sure the sordid story of how she didn’t have the presence of mind to avoid your somewhat dubious charm would be equally amusing without describing her sorority, where she lives and every aspect of her physical appearance.

Finally, and most importantly: standards, people. Get some. I know this is harsh, and believe me I’m not trying to discourage the occasional reckless fun, but much in the same way you don’t want to wake up with some horrifying rash, you don’t want to wake up all over Juicy Campus, either.