Meet J.K. Rowling, Die Happy

A la Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory, Scholastic is offering five Harry Potter fans the chance to fly to Edinburgh, Scotland, to have tea with J.K. Rowling. The blessed event will be on Dec. 4, the day The Tales of Beedle the Bard is released. (If you don't know what that is, don't bother entering the contest.) All you have to do is write a 200-word essay about how you help people. Oh, and be between the ages of 8-17.

I know that hurts, particularly in light of the fact that Hermione thinks she's too good for Penn, but don't fret, awkwardly older Potter fans. You can always get your younger brother/sister/kid down the street to write an essay and Grandpa Joe your way in, since each winner must be accompanied by an adult. But if Rowling shows up wearing a top hat and leaning on a cane, run. That fall into a somersault is cool and everything, but it's all downhill from there.