Parlez Vous College Student?

They say the best things in life are free. Shouldn't that include movies and music? The administration says no, probably because they are tired of being put in the middle of the dispute between the suers and the students. But all that RIAA, DMCA and MPAA stuff is confusing. I mean really, what does that mean? Are we expected to be informed? Luckily Penn has done us a favor with their latest marketing campaign that now dots College Green: they've broken down illegality with language any college student can understand!

We examine a few of the issues in "college tongue" after the jump.

"Is Your Computer Hooking Up With Unsafe Files?" We wouldn't want to hook up with someone carrying a STI, so we shouldn't want to connect to a computer that has files that could harm us. Either one might result in an embarrassing call to your parents.

"I won’t get a file sharing subpoena if I haven’t received a DMCA infringement notice." Okay, everyone saw that Lifetime movie where the girl has sex once but still gets pregnant. Just like sex, even the first time can get you in trouble.

"Downloading music, videos, and games from the internet is free and anonymous." This is Penn. Nothing is ever anonymous. And things generally aren't free either. Apparently that goes for the Internet too.

"It's ok to download material that’s not available in the US or from outside US sources." So you're dating someone and things are going pretty well. You're even exclusive. But then you go to Cabo for spring break and an opportunity presents itself. "It's not cheating," you think to yourself, "It's spring break! What happens in Cabo stays in Cabo." Wrong. It still is cheating and this is Penn (see above) so it will never stay in Cabo. Take heed.

"It's OK for me to download a copy of a TV program because I forgot to record it." When you're drunk, the food you eat still gives you calories and your decision to hook up with the dental student is still embarrassing. Your inability to remember does not make it okay. The same applies here. But it may make a good story.