Dear Abby: Is A Picture Worth A Thousand Words?

We all party. I will not bore you, or myself, by listing the many, many events of the past couple weeks that have spurred on reckless behavior (and besides, if you don’t know what I’m talking about, just read the rest of this blog. Gosh.), but suffice to say: there has been a lot of revelty around here.

As your Emily Post liaison for the millenial generation, there are many things about wild partying that I should probably be critiquing. Vomit, for one, is a subject no one should ever stop criticizing. Along the same lines, dirty hook-ups, one-night stands, keg stands, drunk eating…all of these and more fascinating topics that, in my opinion, have a specific protocol and deserve their own individual discussions. For this week, however, I am going to concentrate on a personal favorite: passing out.

I get it, Boy-Who-Fell-Asleep-on-My-Couch, you were tired! Sure, Girl-in-Philly-Diner, your friends will probably wake you up before you leave. And who doesn’t enjoy a sighting of Couple-Spooning-on-the-Bed in a room in which everyone has decided to continue the after-party? But, and I’ve got to be honest here readers, there is a time and a place for passing out, particularly drunkenly. That place is your bed, the bed of a willing companion or even something bed-like (read: couch). That place is not in front of Rodin.

Hopefully, even after partying, you will retain the capacity to get yourself into an appropriate sleeping place for the remainder of the evening. If not, please endeavor to hang around people who like you enough to at least get you off the street. That’s just good sense.

If common decency is a lesson that can be learned, I hope this picture (and my ever-sound advice) will help you to do so. So far, I have written 306 words in this article; even if a picture isn’t really worth a thousand, then I hope this photo, at least, is worth the remaining 700 or so. For this week, I’m prepared to let pictures teach my lesson for me, because, seriously, help your friends. Let’s just hope this guy didn’t spend the whole night under the lamppost.