Semi-Formals And Semi-Jealousy: An Afterschool Special Starring The Adelson Siblings

On Monday evening, exactly twenty-four hours after I left for my semi-formal, my fourteen-year-old sister called me from the car that my seventeen-year-old brother was driving. As my brother feigned indifference, yet listened intently, I began to summarize how the date went.

My siblings and I are a little closer than the conventional triumvirate. Though it is true we’ve freestyled for friends at the dinner table and we school anyone that dares to step on the dance floor, we’ve also made drug store runs together to pick up tampons, condoms, and pills for each of us, and if that isn’t “close” enough for you, then I should also note that it was my brother who noticed and fought for them to give me Yasmin and not generic. My sister has crafted booty call text messages for my brother. I have selected “sexy” bras before my sister’s dances. Most importantly, we each have separate but equal veto powers when it comes to the facebook evaluation of any potential significant other. (Guess whose selections are typically the most vetoed.)

Yet, despite this open relationship that we’re all quite proud of, something felt wrong when the first thing that came out of my sister’s mouth when I told her I had a great time was “did you have sex???” Now despite our closeness, we all share the trait of withholding any information about our (I use the term loosely) current “sex” lives until days, weeks, months, and, in one case, years, have gone by.

What made it even worse is she was as shocked as she was disappointed that I hadn’t. What came next made me wish I could redo the last seven years.

“Hey, girl. 1. Totally none of your business even if I did. 2…Aren’t I supposed to be a role model? We’re ladies here.”

“Carlin. You’re not a lady. And you’re definitely not my role model.”

Stabbed me in the heart, the little bitch.

“I mean, I think you’re really cool and I look up to you for the most part…but when it comes to guys, I don’t think, ‘what would Carlin do?’”

Now this is a girl who flew all the way to Chicago to see her camp BF (who, despite his mere fourteen years, I would willingly go to jail for the things I’d like to do to him), yet, would not even kiss him, knowing that it would only end with her flying home, not seeing him again until June.

This got me thinking: is it our ages, is it our sibling order or is it our differing will power that allows her to demand respect and fear as she walks into a room? The girl knows what she wants and is completely unwilling to compromise, and I envy that quality.

Consider this my last post before 2009. Have a happy new year, and think of some sexy resolutions. It sounds like I have.