Lucha Libre! Michael Gold On The Burrito Wars

Don your camouflage, ladies and gentleman. This campus is about to be hit by a conflict that will make the Penn-Princeton rivalry pale in comparison. We haven't seen a feud this fierce since Serena's unexpected return to the Upper East Side.

I'm speaking, of course, of the impending burrito wars. Now that the feeding frenzy that was Free Burrito Day at Chipotle is over, you can be sure that burrito-related middle-management employees everywhere are manning their battle stations and preparing for their next big offensive. After all, Qdoba had the long-standing burrito monopoly on this campus (except, of course, for rogue Mexicali devotees), and it's certainly not going to a let a newcomer stomp all over it without a fight.

That being said, we here at UTB do not take our burritos lightly, so it's only natural that we weigh on this whole situation. Thus, my reasons why Chipotle is going to run Qdoba into the ground.

First off, let's talk food. Qdoba's tortillas taste like rubber. No, seriously, it's an insult to the staple of Mexican cuisine. Not only that, but their guacamole tastes like it's been defrosted, and I'm fairly sure it gets made in a blender. On the other hand, Chipotle's guacamole is somehow both creamy and chunky. Not to mention delicious. And if that weren't bad enough, a piece of cardboard is probably seasoned better than Qdoba's chips.

Let's move on to architecture, shall we? Chipotle's color palette is bold without making you nauseous. On the other hand, Qdoba' is very... yellow. And we're not talking mellow yellow here, but more of a "I'm here, I'm queer, I'm absolutely fabulous" yellow.  Not only that, but Chipotle's industrial look is very post-modern and looks fantastic. If that weren't enough, Chipotle's commitment to sustainable architecture ought to impress you (as should their commitment to "Food with Integrity").

Let's be honest, burrito-maniacs. The only thing that Qdoba has going for it is the queso (perhaps they use the leftovers to repaint their walls?), and I can sacrifice an impending heart attack in the name of deliciousness.