Best of Craigslist: Penn Edition

Going to Penn doesn't preclude us from being party to Craigslist sleaziness. Join Albert Sun as he skims casual encounters, missed connections and beyond in search of the most ridiculous Penn-related posts. For more, slightly NSFC (Not Safe for Class) , look after the jump.

Craigslist is a breeding ground for all that is sketchy, and personals seem as good a place to start as any.  We understand wanting to find somebody, but how these people think they could be remotely successful with these atrocious ads is beyond me.  To wit:

UPENN GIRLS CLICK HERE - 25 (PHILY) Reply to: pers-1032736026@craigslist.org [?] Date: 2009-02-12, 11:51PM EST

First post ever to craigslist...kinda just doing it for shits and giggles b/c i just broke it off with my girlfriend.

I want a UPENN girl because I know Penn is very selective and I figure they have more money and resources than i do to pick a good girl.

I went to college equivalent to Penn, Have traveled the world and have a crooked smile.

I played ball in college so i like athletic girls love girls who are funny well rounded- if your a dancer, or pianist, artist thats awesome as long as your still normal

I'm a pretty sharp guy and im not judgmental---but you can't really trust girls who have a lot of guy friends so if you do don't bother. Oh an also if you have more than 500 friends on facebook your probably a little insecure, and if i can find a girl whose not on some type of anti depressant or adarol cause it makes them loose weight that would be great.

Well, this one is pretty blunt. And when it comes down to picking a good girl you do need a lot of money and resources. Lots of friends, and not on adarol(sic) doesn't seem to be a requirement here though. Oh and he's lying about it being his first post.

UPenn Cruising - 26 (34th and spruce) Reply to: pers-1041760171@craigslist.org [?] Date: 2009-02-19, 3:50PM EST

Anyone interested in some fun Please have a picture available...

I like fun! What kind? Oh, he wants to PLAY. And finally, explicit intentions I think he kind of looks like a puppy. Or an alien.

Easy 200 roses - m4w Reply to: pers-1034182794@craigslist.org [?] Date: 2009-02-14, 3:30AM EST

Hello...

I'm a 34 year old good looking tall athletic guy looking for a nice 30 solid minutes of really good head for 200 roses.

I would especially love to see your UPENN id before you go down on me, so I can think about how intelligent you are as you go down.

turn on! Your secret is safe with me.... I promise.... and we can make it a weekly fun thing that will improve your bank account....

Let me know.

Is "roses" some euphemism for money that I don't know about? Or is he some kind of mad gardener with too many flowers? Does an ID card fetish exist? Or maybe a PENN fetish.

Sugar Daddy Handsome Discreet Professional Seeking PENN girl - m4w - 32 (University City) Reply to: pers-1017617719@craigslist.org [Errors when replying to ads?] Date: 2009-02-02, 12:39PM EST

I am a tall, attractive, athletic, and successful real estate professional who's marriage has entirely lost its zest.

I am looking for a twice per month arrangement of 1-2 hours of play at your place in exchange for a generou$ donation. I specifically am interested in University of Penn girls only because it is a tremendous turn on to play with a highly educated and intelligent lady. Please send me a picture and tell me a little bit about yourself. I am actually off work today, so the arrangement could begin immediately. Look forward to hearing from you!

A successful real estate professional? Do those still exist? Maybe the "generou$ donation" will be some toxic mortgage assets. I wonder why he's off work. Continuing the trend, here's another suspiciously similar "sugar daddy".

Want to attend my Semi-formal - 22 (philadelphia) Reply to: pers-1032524242@craigslist.org [?] Date: 2009-02-12, 8:15PM EST

Hey everyone,

Tomorrow I have a semi-formal and need a date. I broke up with my girlfriend last week cause she was always very negative and now I need a replacement.

We will be hanging out at my fraternity house at UPenn for a cocktail hour, head to a lovely BYOB (everything is paid for), and then see if we want to either go out and party afterward or make up excuses to leave early if we dont hit it off.

Please send a pic if interested and tell me a little about yourself and I will return the favor. If you would be more comfortable going with a friend, I could probably get her a date with another brother too.

Leave your guesses on what frat this is in the comments, mmkay? Do you think this one's for the same frat?

Now we're getting close to the bottom of the barrel. In the runner up spot for worst personals ad, and winner of the Aleksey Vayner Memorial Award is "Mr Right".

Mr Right is accepting serious offers for the opportunity to meet... - m4w - 38 (UPENN) Reply to: pers-1010337460@craigslist.org [?] Date: 2009-01-27, 6:33PM EST

him.

He is looking to become friends first of course.

Be extraordinary, be for real... because I am.

You can find more information about me here -

i am mr right dot com

Location: UPENN

Everyone's always wanted a mountain climbing, tangoing, skydiving, football player who owns a mansion. Look at his website. I dare you to make sense of it. And be sure to click all the links too. From what I gather, he's Will Smith, the President of the United States, Einstein, Hollywood, Digital Jesus, Matt Damon, a Rocky fanatic, and an Apple marketer. And he can only count by drawing on himself. (Watch to the end, really.)

And the winner.

Philadelphia Art School Girls/UPenn Girls - m4w - 21 (Center City/South Philly) Reply to: pers-1008575415@craigslist.org [Errors when replying to ads?] Date: 2009-01-26, 2:42PM EST

I hate you, oh I truly do. However if you want to come over and let me be mean to you I wouldn't mind. I need money too, bring that if possible. I probably won't be able to hookup due to RAGE but i might try if you have a nice face. If you have crooked or snaggled teeth that's always a plus.

I spend most of my time being angry or playing COD:WAW. I like salad, it's pretty good, but i hate fruit salad. It would be greatly appreciated if you never asked me about my family or pets, THIS IS VERY CRUCIAL.

If you have some kind of drug addiction or dependency that's fine. If you have disturbing hobbies (i.e. pog collecting or bird watching) then you'll fit right in.

I'm only willing to travel to meet someone if they are very attractive OR have some kind of home theater setup (surround sound).If you have any questions about me then I guess you'll have to send me an ELECTRONIC MAIL. People just looking for company also accepted, however I find that most girls aren't able to follow my train of thought.

ciao

No comment. It just gets worse and worse.