Best Of Penn Flashback: 2001

Join us on our stroll down Best of Penn memory lane. The early 2000's were a simpler time, it seems: people that had them newfangled cell phones were considered "yuppie schmucks," Penn students actually had sex and therefore needed to buy condoms at a long-forgotten Rite Aid, and Chili's was bumpin' on Monday nights. That last one's due for a revival, no?

Best Cell Phone Reception: Your Ass, directly below your beer belly

Across the whole campus, the best place by far to get reception on your cell phone is up your ass. That's right, all you yuppie schmucks, shove that cell phone faaaaar up your rectum, bend over and talk into it. You'll hear a clearer conversation than when Daddy said your trust fund could purchase the whole Smith Bros fall wardrobe. Also check out the button -- it's a great place to intercept other people's personal conversations.

Best condom selection: Rite Aid, 4237 Walnut Street

Here are carried all textures, colors, and sizes. And plus, there is a grand selection of lubricants from cherry flavored to good old original astroglide. Best of all, no one from Penn ever goes to Rite Aid, so you won't be seen selecting those strawberry flavored peewee condoms.

Best Margarita Monday: Chili's, 3801 Chestnut Street

No, it's not Senor Frog's and your best friend isn't getting propositioned in Spanish by the guy with the bottle of green liquor and the whistle, but Chili's Margarita Mondays are certainly the next best thing. Top-shelf 10-oz. Margaritas for $2 are on special all day, and the casual atmosphere means that you and your friends don't even have to get dressed for the occasion. Almost as good as Chotchkie's for someone with a case of the Mondays.