Sports For Chicks: Quit Bawlin' 'Bout Graduation and Start Ballin'

Sports for Chicks contributor Lily Avnet is back! This time, she dissects the NBA Playoffs.

Just as you can expect graduation every year, so can you expect the NBA Playoffs. You might have a vague memory of caring slightly about basketball during that crazy thing called March Madness. This time around, we’ve moved on from watching UPenn score (sometimes) to enjoying profesh playas like Kobe Bryant and Wally Szczerbiak (side note: Wally hails from Miami, Ohio, a hybrid city-state? WTF.)

At the moment we’ve entered the Western (Lakers vs. Nuggets) and Eastern (Cavalier vs. Magic) Conference Finals where each team battles it out in the best of seven games.  Essentially look at these teams as a brief list of fun places to visit. LA, Denver, Orlando, and Cleveland -- maybe just look at an online brochure of the Forest City?

So here are the names to keep in mind when someone inevitably brings up last night’s game at the water cooler of your summer internship.

Orlando Magic

Hedo Turkoglu-- From Turkey, a name that makes sense (also a possible infomercial during Thanksgiving)

Dwight Howard-- He does so much charity, so he definitely knows Dwight from wrong.

Cleveland Cavaliers

Lebron James-- First pick in NBA's 2003 Draft. Kind of a big deal, like getting into Smoke’s freshman year.

Anderson Varajo-- resembles Sideshow Bob, maybe Joseph Anthony will sponsor that 'fro?

Denver Nuggets

Carmelo Anthony-– Kobe’s BFF on the Olympic team, now frenemy in the Western Conference finals

Chauncey Billups-- A guard named Chauncy?  I think he got lost on his way to Canterbury.

Los Angeles Lakers

Pau Gasol-- Makes the best angry faces; seriously, Mr. Potato Head would be jealous.

Kobe-– a delicious albeit expensive classic at Pod. We can’t help you if you don’t know who Kobe is.

Keep in mind, watching these games provides an excellent excuse to purchase fast-food and beer, considering every other commercial will give you a better reason why you need to try a Kentucky’s Grilled Chicken (way to jump on the healthy bandwagon, Colonel Sanders!) or “relax responsibly.”

So good luck getting that bodacious tan, fixing the goddamn copy machine, and enduring the NBA Playoffs (fun distraction: imagining the story behind each tattoo of every player will provide endless entertainment for the entire family).