"Actually It Is True, Because I Went To College And I Know."

A few months ago, some bitter chick at UCLA started a Facebook group to prevent underachieving Z-lister James Franco from being the school's commencement speaker. We don't want to seem ungrateful; we had a great time hearing John Legend the night after we got drunk with him at Blarney, and we were entertained enough by Amy's pomp and circumstance remarks to blog about her. However, neither our favorite Ordinary Person nor our esteemed prez quoted R.L. Stine or flew around with a jet pack, and that's exactly what we would have enjoyed had we been treated to Franco's words. Lucky for us, he posted highlights from his rejected speech on FunnyorDie.com! (And, lucky for you, we've posted the video below.)