Penn Finally Noticed By ESPN

Last week, ESPN and the Wharton Interactive Media Initiative went public with their relationship. Cute! According to this press release, a new partnership between the two “will provide ESPN with access to WIMI’s expert team of academics and help pursue data-driven solutions to digital and integrated media challenges.”

Oh, duh, of course. WIMI Students will benefit, too, from gaining access to “real-world scenarios presented by ESPN.”

The question is, how will we - the ones who were not in on this Wharton-ESPN friendship bracelet swap - benefit? Is it possible that the Worldwide Leader in Sports can help us become the Worldwide Leader in Nonstop Fun Times? You bet! Sure, there are many ways we could take advantage of the network and its resources, but the most productive thing to do would be to have ESPN loan us some of their on-air personalities.

Mel Kiper Jr., the NFL Draft expert, can teach Wharton students proper creepy hair care. John Clayton can become dean of the engineering school. We realize he's a football reporter, but just look at him - you know he knows so much science. And maybe Chris Berman, instead of teaching a class, can just hang around campus and give everyone terrible nicknames. We're thinking stuff like Rebecca "A Bird In The Hand Is Worth Two In The" Bushnell or Amy "Brought Home A Piece Of The Crag On Global Guts"-mann. He'd instantly put himself in line for 2010 Best Campus Crazy and it might take him off TV for a while. Everybody wins!